Slow dancing in a burning room
by Jadiebeth
Summary: This is set 9/10 years in the future, just give it a go you might enjoy it.  previously known as Stolen moments
1. Chapter 1

The shifting of the bed caused Sophie is stir. She didn't need her eyes to adjust to the dark to know what was occurring next to her. She sighed loudly as she reached out and touched the bare back of the person sitting on the edge of the bed. Sian turned back and Sophie could make out those crystal blue eyes looking down at her. She was sure than even in the darkest places of earth those eyes would still be able to stand out. Sophie knew what was about to happen the same thing that happened every time but it didn't dull the ache that was growing in her chest. There was only one thing that would stop the pain growing inside her, and she knew that all her wishful thinking was not about to make it come true. Sophie squeezed her eyes shut trying to push away her raging emotions, she should have been use to this by now…however she wasn' breathed deeply as she felt the soft finger tips of Sophie tracing her skin, her touch seemed to be leaving a scorching mark in it's wake. As though Sophie was leaving her presence known, tangible prove of what was happening for the world to see. Yet the blonde didn't lean forward away from the other woman, instead she rocked back slightly allowing Sophie's fingers to reach the nape of her neck. Her head fell back as she enjoyed the soft feeling of being exploded. Those hands that touched and caressed her, entered her and pushed her past and through ecstasy, she would never tire of them, Sian would always come back for their touch. She didn't care that she sat naked and exposed to Sophie completely venerable, the brunette would never take advantage or ridicule those parts she detested of herself. This was the only time she ever complete, like herself, like Sian Powers."You're leaving aren't you?" Sophie said softly and Sian hated herself instantly. She didn't reply for a few moments knowing that the second she did the brunette would cease to touch her. Allowing herself to savour the moment a minute longer she nodded silently and Sophie's fingers stilled. "I have to." And just like that her back felt cold from the lack of contract. "Stay…stay here with me." Sophie almost begged and the strings of Sian's heart tighten. She couldn't look behind her, she couldn't see those intense blue eyes, she didn't want to see how they looked broken. "I can't." She replied simply, the regret and sorrow evident in her voice but to Sophie they just cut her already wounded core. "You can't or you won't?" There was a new hard edge to her voice and Sian brought her hands up to her face, roughly rubbing her brow. "It's not that simple, you know that." She muttered through her fingers, her words were barely recognisable but Sophie heard them."No it is that simple Sian." The brunette said as she sat up covering herself with the sheet. They'd had this discussion before and Sophie knew how it would end but she still continued anyway. She never knew one day it might end differently. "I can't leave him." Sian stood up and reached for her white shirt that had been discarded on the hotel's chair in the far corner. Slipping it on without a bra she began to button it turning to face Sophie as she did so. Sophie could not stop her eyes from travelling the length of Sian's tanned body taking in the beautiful form that she had loved since she was 15. Her mind betrayed her angry, hurt demeanour as it flicked through her memories of that body; the way her back arched and caused her stomach to tense when she came around Sophie's fingers or the way her leg would rest over Sophie's shoulder while her tongue tasted the blonde. Having those slender fingers treaded in her brown hair as she held her head in place. Subconsciously she licked her lips before silently cursing herself for getting so easily distracted. "Soph…" "Don't okay. Don't keep giving me your excuses, I don't believe them and I don't think you do either." She said bitterly. Sian walked back to the bed leaving the top buttons of the shirt loose, she reached out to the brunette as turned her head away. Sian's heart broke at the gesture and she couldn't stop her eyes from glazing over. "Just go, it's what you're good at." Her words were like venom and Sian thought they could have cut through her flesh, she winced and it took all of Sophie's strength not to comfort her. "Do you think this is easy for me? Do you think I wanted this?" She didn't raise her voice, but Sophie heard the cracks causing the brunette to swallow hard fighting her own tears. "You're the one who married him!" Sophie shouted unable to control herself. Throwing the sheet back she picked up her black bra from the floor forcefully doing it up. She couldn't sit their naked any longer she felt to exposed to the pain, as thought clothing herself might somehow add some sort of protection. "It was you who left me remember, not the other way around." Sian shot back as she watched Sophie throw her black skin tight dress over her head. "I never left you Sian, not really." She replied as she pulled the dress down hard."You went to America for 18 months, what did you expect me to do? Wait for you? I didn't even know if you were going to come back." It had left her shattered and a shell of herself when Sophie had gone."I asked you to come with me!" She shouted back her face flushed with rage, they'd had this fight a thousand times and yet she could still feel the same amount of anger."I couldn't just drop everything. I had a life Sophie, one that I wanted you to be a part of." Sian's voice raised a few octaves, she hated the way Sophie could make her blood boil, but she was the only person who get under her skin in this way, and she revelled in it. "So you showed me that by marrying Ryan?…Argh!" She cried out in frustration. "I can't keep going around in circles with you Sian." Her aggravation gave way to tears and Sophie stood in the middle of the room looking completely broken, her chest heaving fist clenched unable to take her eyes of Sian. "Walk out that door then. If you can walk out of that door you'll ever hear from me again. You'll be free." Sian said standing up on the other side of the room staring at eyes that owned her soul. Sophie's jaw set as she tried to will herself to move. "You'll meet someone else, have it all." Sian went on walking slowly over to the brunette. "But she won't be me." She stated and Sophie wanted to roll her eyes but she couldn't stop staring at the blonde intensely. "She won't know that your right eye has flecks of gold." She continued walking forward and Sophie knew she was helpless. "She won't know how to make you moan the way I do." They now stood face to face and Sophie hated herself for allowing the blonde to have this effect on her. "She won't know you like I do Sophie, she won't love you like I do.""Do you love me though?" She said barely a whisper. "With every inch of me." Her breath was hot on Sophie's lips and she had to stop herself from leaning forward and capturing Sian's bottom lip between her teeth. "Leave him." "Give me time." She said and Sophie was too lost in those blue eyes to know if that was a promise or an excuse. And she didn't care as she crashed her lips into Sian's, holding the girls small frame flush against her own. Wanting and needing the contact, the reassurance that Sian was hers if only for this second she belonged her and her alone. Silent tears cascaded down Sophie's cheeks as Sian sucked on her tongue tasting the salty droplets. They were constantly raw and on the verge of falling apart, ripping their world apart and yet they couldn't stay away. They were like two reactors unable to escape the other, they had tried. Honestly. They had never planned for this. What had started as a stolen kiss two months ago and snowballed into an affair that consumed them. The duo lived for moments together, where it was just them and the only witnesses they had were the stars that shone down on them. Sian's teeth firmly tugged on her lip and they pressed their foreheads together taking much needed breath. Sophie's hand's rested loosely on Sian's hips as she cried openly. "I wish I could hate you." The words hurt the blonde but she understood the sentiment. "I wish I could walk out that door and never look back." Sian removed her hand from Sophie's neck grabbing the brunette's own hand and bringing it to rest on her chest. "Do you feel that? It does that for you. No one else has that effect on me." She pleaded. She loved Ryan, but she had realised too late that she had mistake that love for something more. He had become a good friend after Sophie had left, and she enjoyed his company. But they had no passion, no desire for each other. Her body constantly craved Sophie, her skin crawled with need for the brunette. It was a craving she never experience for Ryan and it broke her heart. With that said however they had only been married four months and she couldn't leave him, she couldn't hurt him. So she stayed, sleep walking through her life with him only really feeling alive in these moments with Sophie. "But it shouldn't hurt this much." She managed to say as Sian used her other hand to wipe Sophie's tears away, feeling her own eyes start to match the action. "I love you so much. I get you for stolen moments and he gets you all of you.""Not my heart and not my soul, they have always been and always will be yours Sophie Webster." She kissed the brunette's forehead as she wrapped her arms tightly around her knowing she would have to leave any moment. Back to her husband. Back to her normal life. And leave her heart in this room in Sophie's hands.


	2. Chapter 2

The bell rang loudly in the corridor as it sat situated outside her class room and Sophie looked at her eager class with a smirk. They tried to pack their possessions away secretly and she attempted not to chuckle at their desire to escape. "Go on, get out of here." Sophie finally gave in under their desperate eyes. "Don't forget your homework for Monday. When I say an essay I mean more than a paragraph! Yes I'm talking to you James!" She shouted over their scrapping chairs and instant watched the last 14 year old leave her room and she was alone. Sighing deeply she slouched down in her chair at the front of the room while pulling her phone from her top draw. The screen was that of her nephew, no new calls or messages. She closed her eyes in frustration, willing for some kind of connection from Sian. It had been over a week since she had last seen the blonde and she had only heard from Sian once, a message that simply stated 'I love you'. Although the message had caused her heart to soar, it had now crashed to the ground and now lay torn and bloody on the floor. The horrible part was that Sophie was now accustom to this feeling, it felt like she was living a half life scrambling for moments with Sian to get her wanted to text the blonde, tell her how her day was, tell her that all her thoughts were consumed by her but she couldn't; they had agreed. Rather Sian had agreed that Sophie should not phone or message her, Sophie understood but it didn't mean it did not hurt. The brunette was unable to control her emotions and Sian had explained she couldn't risk Ryan seeing anything on her phone. So Sophie had agreed while the blonde had trailed soft kisses down her neck leaving a mark as she sucked and bit down on Sophie's skin. She felt like she was living her life waiting, waiting for a sign from Sian, a little glimmer of light and stolen time rubbed her face as she tried to drown out the sounds of the children outside, envying their innocence of youth and their belief that real love existed and it did so forever. She only had one option when it came to drifting away from the world and that was slipping into memories of Sian. The blonde was the only thing she knew of that could calm her busy mind. She thought of the way Sian would straddle her waist, lean down and kiss her as though they were the last people alive. How her hands would caress her, taking her time as if memorising every inch of Sophie's body. The way she would whisper dirty ideas into her ear, driving Sophie's body to edge without ever having to touch her. Or the way Sian would pull her closer when Sophie's fingers were buried inside her, needing the deeper contact. They had a passion that could set the world on fire leaving them alone, standing in the rumble they had caused. Her body trembled with these thoughts and she suddenly became hot to her core. She shifted uncomfortable as she felt the wetness grow between her is not to say that this was all that subsisted between them, although their relationship was intense There were moments of calmness and stillness that completed them. They would lay there intertwined, not knowing where one began the other stopped. Together in these moments their fingers would idly trace shapes on exposed flesh while they talked, sharing secrets they feared to utter to another living soul. There was only one topic that stayed hidden in these times and that was Ryan. Talking about him would only bring the world they'd built together crumbling down, so Sophie ignored it until Sian left her to go back to him. The thought of him touching her, tasting her and filling her the way she did made her skin crawl with jealousy and sometimes she couldn't even recognise herself in the mirror."It's lunch!" The shout from the door made her jump and she couldn't contain the small yelp that escaped her lips. "Oops, sorry did I scare ya!" The male chuckled at seeing the girls reaction."Not half." She replied shaking her head while waiting for her heart beat to return to normal. Alex was the science teacher at the school and one of her closest friends. Although he was unaware of her relationship with Sian, that remained a secret that was disclosed to only them."You want me to check you over? I am a doctor." He said with a smirk and she narrowed her eyes playfully at him."You teach science." She replied with an even tone."Biology. It's all about the body." He continued as his smug grin became wide and she smiled back him unable to resist. He was charming, there was no doubt and when she had first started teaching at Weatherfield High school he had asked her out. She had been flattered by his attention and wandering eyes but she knew who she was and even if dating him made life easier she wouldn't deny her sexuality. After his embarrassment had died away and inappropriate jokes had subsided they had become friends."Until I see a PhD you aren't coming anywhere near me." She told him as she collected her bag, tossing her phone into it, trying to hide her annoyance with the inanimate object."I could show a Ph-" He began with a twinkle in his eye that certainly melted many girls heart. But it would be pointless to melt hers as it already lay in pieces in her chest."Please." She interrupted him with a knotted brow. "I beg you do not to use that joke. It would end our friendship on account of it being so bad and the mental image is just too much." She told him and he laughed loud and deeply before holding the door open for her."Worth a shot. I'm still convinced you are gonna drop women and give me a go. I mean what do they have that I don't?" She looked over to him as her eyes settled upon his chest and the corner of her mouth lifted. His eyes dropped while Alex's hands went to the area and ran over the flat form beneath his shirt. "Well...that could be arranged, a diet of KFC and McDonalds and I'd have a great pair." She bumped her hip into him as the rounded the school's reception heading towards the stairs for the staff room."Miss Webster?" For a few second she forget that it was her name, it still threw her being called by her surname but she turned back to find the receptionist smiling at her."Yeah?" She replied noticing the way the woman's eyes looked over her. She wasn't conceited enough to believe the woman was interested romantically in her but rather she was curious. All the staff were aware that Sophie was gay, she had spent her teens hiding and denying who she was, she did not plan to continue that into adulthood. They watched her sometimes as if trying to put her into the stereotype of a lesbian, but that was like trying to fit a square into a triangle. It amused the brunette as they tried to work her out. Alex stopped midway up the stairs when he realised he was alone."You have a visitor. I tried your office but I got no answer." She explained and Sophie frowned as she craned her neck to see into the waiting area."If it's my sister can you tell her I have a meeting." Only Rosie visited her at work, usually requesting a babysitter but Sophie had plans that evening that she'd already rearranged twice. However she knew that if she saw her nephew; Blake his big brown eyes would win her over and she'd call for a rain check again."It's not your sister." She didn't have to explain further because walking into her line of sight stood the last person she expected to see; Sian. Her body wanted to run over and embrace the girl, take in her vanilla scent and she hated herself for the automatic reaction. She was angry. Sian had communicated once with her, a simple text and nothing more. Sophie had literally burned holes in her phone with her eyes waiting to hear from the blonde, and her heart ached every night she went to bed without any contact. So she stood still as if her feet were made of stone. Sian seemed to sense her concern and moved towards her cautiously, her eyes were soft and Sophie could feel her resolve starting to crumble. She detested the way Sian could effect her like the full moon to the tide, it was out of her hands and beyond her control."Hey." The blonde said although Sophie didn't hear any words only saw those full pink lips move."What are you doing here?" She finally managed to speak through her dry mouth, but the sentence came out harder than she intended it took a few more steps forward until she was directly in front of Sophie. "I wanted to see you." Her voice was like honey, sweet and yet sickly, drawing her in and yet stinging her all at once. She placed her slender fingers on Sophie's waist and the brunette stepped back instantly as though the touch burned through to her skin. The pain of the rejection flashed across Sian's blue eyes and Sophie immediately wanted to reach up and cup Sian's face, and ease her away her aching. "I'm at work." She hissed out turning to look at the receptionist who was now busying herself but when her eyes looked to Alex he wore a confused expression. "Sorry, I missed you." She leaned forward and whispered into the brunette's ear and shivered as Sian's hot breath tickled her neck. Sophie had adjust to the way her body would betray her when Sian was around but that didn't mean she was happy with it. The problem was Sophie was elated that Sian had just turned her, it caused butterflies to be released into her stomach and heart beat had quicken at once. Sophie felt as though she was constantly in the middle of a war zone with her heart and head battling for control, the battle had been won many times but war waged on. "Well you should have-" She started but the cough over her shoulder caused her to stop and turn around to see Alex; who's eyes were roaming Sian's body. The blonde was dressed for work in pinstriped trousers and a matching waist coat the outfit was completed with a crisp white shirt and a pair of black stilettos. She looked stunning, breath takingly beautiful, but the truth was she was always heart stoppingly gorgeous; which only ever made it harder for Sophie to pull away."Who do we have here?" Alex said moving past Sophie and extended his hand to Sian. The brunette was not happy with the way her friend was staring at the blonde, stripping her slowly with his eyes and she unconsciously elbowed him in the ribs. He jerked his hand back before Sian could accept it and he looked at Sophie while rubbing his side. Sian knew that look, the flames behind Sophie's blue eyes, and she enjoyed the jealousy Sophie was displaying. It restored the hope that had started to flee at Sophie's rejection. "She's married. Leave her alone." Sophie said trying to sound playful but Sian could hear the firm edge to it. Sian adored the way Sophie's emotions where worn on her sleeve, she could read the brunette like her favourite book. Sophie was like Wuthering Height's she had read it over and over but she still pick it up re-reading her favourite lines. The brunette was her Heathcliff, nothing could keep them apart. They transcended logic, love and reality. "Sorry, this is Alex and this is my friend Sian." Sophie introduced them and the blonde watched his face trying to see if her name caused any recognition. His features remained in a smile and it confirmed to her that Sophie had not told him about them. In a way she was glad, but Sian had heard about Alex and yet Sophie had never mentioned her to him as though she was ashamed or it was just a dirty secret. It was an irrational pain she knew this, but being around Sophie caused her emotions to become that of a teenage and they raged against her control. "The pleasure is all mine, you coming up with us?" He asked gesturing to the stairs and Sian gave Sophie a smirk before nodding. Sophie rolled her eyes, she was having trouble managing her feelings and she wasn't sure how much longer she could keep this up. Although she was angry and hurt every part of her ached to grab the blonde and kiss her, slip her tongue into her mouth and pull her body close. Her fingertips shook with excitement at the idea and she swallowed her feelings down."Yeah! I always wanted to see what was behind that staffroom door when I was at school." Sian smiled as she walked behind Alex, she let her hand run down Sophie's arm and noted the way the brunette's eyes slipped shut at the touch. It sent a wave of excitement through her, how one simple gesture could have such an result on the brunette."You went to school here too?" Alex asked."Yeah, me and Sophie went to school together.""Yeah I know Sophie did but I didn't realise you went so far back together, you must have some great stories on our Soph." He said turning back and poking his tongue at Sophie who lowered her brows shaking her head back at him. Sian felt the instant pang of jealous 'our Soph', Sian never wanted to call herself possessive but when it came to Sophie she didn't want anyone else having claim on her. When it came to her oldest friend it was like having a raging creature released into her chest, ripping her part with want and desire and the inability to share the brunette with anyone else. "I might have a few." Sian tried to say light heartedly and flashed him a forced smile. "But if I told you I'd have to kill you." She chuckled and Alex joined her. Sophie rolled her eyes again behind them, feeling uneasy as she approached the door. "Where have you been hiding this one." He said as he stopped at the door. "So what do you do Sian, model, beauty queen?" He asked and she shook her head with a grin."Wow, does that ever work?" He shrugged his shoulders, laughing. "I'm training to become a barrister, I'm in my last few months of my pupillage.""Okay that's impressive, and you seriously went to this high school?" Sian smiled, she'd worked hard after school to achieve good A-levels and get a good career. Truth be told it had been Sophie who had pushed her, worked with her, encouraged her, loved her. Even in her moments of complete self doubt the brunette had been there guiding her on, holding her hand and pulling her though it. She owed it all to Sophie. Sian hated the way things were, she wanted to be able to walk into this building and kiss Sophie, for them not to be a secret behind closed doors. As much as she knew she did, she never wanted to hurt the brunette. But it was too late now, she was beyond the point of return, beyond addiction. "Okay." Alex's words brought her back and she nodded, hoping he hadn't been saying anything else. "You are about to see the teachers in their natural environment, please do not make eye contact with them and if they approach you just smile politely and move on." Sian laughed lightly and Sophie let out a frustrated sigh at the attention that Alex was lavishing on her. He opened the door and gestured for Sian to enter, the blonde walked in followed by Sophie who shot Alex a warning glance. Sian stood there trying not to smile, as she scanned the room. The teacher sat in different groups each with a mug which she suspected were probably coffee. They all seemed completely subdued, she wasn't sure what she had expected but it hadn't been this. "This is a little disappointing." She said and laughed. "Yeah me and Sophie are like the jocks of this place. Prom king and queen if you like." Alex explained with a snigger. "You want a coffee or cuppa?" Sian nodded, she had a long day in court the afternoon and needed all the energy she could get and then she had the entire weekend off. "A coffee please." She smiled sweetly at him and Sophie thought that she saw the man swoon slight. With him gone Sian moved closer to Sophie, needing to feel the body heat of the brunette, to be close to her, maybe have their skins touch briefly and in that moment to feel alive. Her mind was suddenly taken over by thoughts of Sophie above her, her weight between the legs, Sophie fingers inside her pushing hard into her aching core, making her feel complete and it took every thing she has note to crash her lips into the taller woman. "Sian, what were you thinking?" Sophie asks in a hushed voice looking around to see if anyone was watching them."I wanted to see you." She explains sadly and Sophie hated that those words have caused her heart beat to quicken even more, if that was possible. "I haven't seen you all week." "And who's fault is that." It was not a question it was an accusation."Mine, I know that. But I haven't been able to get away. I haven't been able to get you out of my head." She looked at Sophie with those full blue eyes, a look she had mastered when they were 15, a look that caused Sophie's resolve to drift away. Despite herself Sophie smiled. "But I have good news." She went on with a wicked lop sided grin."Which is?" She was almost too scared to asked, a stolen hour in a hotel room? "Ryan is going away tonight until Sunday, so it's just you and me all weekend baby." She looks so happy and Sophie was wounded that she cannot return the same excited look. Sian looks at her with a knotted forehead. "Don't look too happy.""I am, I mean it. But I can't do tonight. I'm sorry. But Saturday and Sunday we can be together." The confused expression on Sian seems to spread to her entire face, with a side of anger added as well. Sophie again scanned the room quickly to make sure they weren't attracting any attention. Sian lets out a mouthful of hot air, her eyes burning into Sophie."We hardly get anytime alone together, and here is a whole weekend. What's so important?"Sophie bit her bottom lip considering her answer, she had two options, the truth or a lie…"I have dinner plans with my family, I can't get out of it." Sophie prided herself on her honest nature and couldn't help but be disgusted at the way her lie had rolled off her tongue so easily. She saw the sceptical look in the woman standing in front of her and held her breath wondering if her words had been before Sian could speak a tall tanned woman stood beside her. She was wearing a black hockey skin that showed of long slender, toned thighs and a tight black polo shirt that seemed to hug her body in a way that was inappropriate for a teacher. Her long black hair cascaded down past her shoulders in natural waves that seemed to frame her attractive olive face. Sian didn't know why but she instantly didn't like her. "Hey, sorry to interrupt Soph, but are we still on for tonight. Or am I getting another rain check?" She smiled warming at the brunette, and Sian noticed the way Sophie's cheeks coloured slightly at the stranger's appearance. Sian couldn't work out if her anger was due to this woman looking at Sophie in such a delicate way or because of the blatant lie she had just been 's felt her cheeks redden at being caught out on her lie so quickly, if she still believed in God she would have thought he was punishing her. Like most of hopes and beliefs, her idea's of the church had come crashing down around her. "Erm, yeah, we're still on for that." She said with a forced smile, Ellie was the school's P.E teacher and she'd been asking Sophie out for the past month. She was pretty and funny and Sophie could not think of a logical reason to say no. She wasn't in a relationship and the person she loved was not hers to have, so she'd said yes with a heavy heart. Feeling brave she risked a glance at Sian. She knew that look on the blonde's face, it resulted in either tears or an argument; sometimes both and in their environment right now she couldn't risk either. "If it isn't my favourite love birds." Alex came back and Sophie couldn't help but wish the ground would open up and swallow her. "God they make me sick these two. With all the lovey dovey eyes." He laughed and handed the mug in his hand to the blonde, her eyes had glossed over and Sophie could only watch her helplessly. "Here ya go." But Sian didn't take the cup instead she shook her head, as if trying to erase the last two minutes from her memory. "Thanks, but sorry I've got to go. Gotta be back in court. Forgot." She mumbled before fleeing the room, Sophie watched her go feeling completely conflicted on what she should do. On one hand she had a perfectly attractive, lovely single woman standing beside her and then on the other there was Sian."Wow, remind me never to hire her if I need someone to defend me." "Sorry, be back." She didn't wait to hear if they said anything to her, she knew the pull to Sian would cause her to go chasing down the stairs, jumping down the last three to catch the blonde before she reached the car. Sophie knew she had a good person interested in her up stairs but there was only one problem; she wasn't Sian. The brunette wanted Ellie to be enough for her, for Ellie to be that someone to her, but she wasn't and in all honesty Sophie wasn't sure anyone ever would be. "Sian wait, seriously, wait." Luckily the blonde had clearly parked her car off school grounds so they were away from the pupils and the teachers. "Why? So you can lie to me some more?" She replied bitterly but didn't stop her quick pace or turn around. Sian pulled out her car keys and Sophie heard the doors unlock. Speeding up her jog she reached the car as the shorter girl pulled the door open, Sophie slammed the door shut ripping the handle out of Sian's hand. "I've got court.""Not yet you don't, you're lying.""Well you'd be the expect on that." She shot back as she sighed heavily. "Let me in my car." She said through gritted teeth."What do you expect me to do Sian, wait around alone until we can be together?" Sophie asked sadly refusing to move out of Sian's way. She didn't understand why they did this two each other, constantly hurting and mending the other in a vicious cycle that neither could break. The blonde wanted to scream 'YES', to say that she didn't want another soul on the planet to touch Sophie, that she'd die if another person pressed her lips against the brunettes. She wanted to be selfish and shout out that Sophie was hers and hers alone, but instead she bit her lip to bite it back. Sophie watched the blonde struggle with herself, trying to articulate her thoughts, step into barrister mode. "I…" She tried but she couldn't, her eyes that had been threatening tears gave way and a single salty droplet rolled down her cheek slowly. "I'm numb Sian." Sophie tried to explain. "I spend my days unable to feel anything and the only time I do is when I'm with you.""Surely that's a good thing, that I make you feel." "Not when it feels like I'm fading without you.""Don't go out tonight, stay in with me please." Sian almost begged stepping closer to Sophie and snaking her hands around her waist. "We can stay at yours and order take out, watching rubbish television and then I can make love to you all night. I won't have to leave you, it'll be just us all alone." As if to embellish her point she began to trace soft kisses up Sophie's neck until she reached her earlobe and sucked it into her mouth causing the brunette to let out a soft throaty moan."And then…and…then Sunday I'm left with a cold spot beside me?" She managed to say through her words were quiet and gravely, thick with a desire she was trying to ignore. Sian pulled her head back so she could look into the blue eyes of her first love; her only love. "Sophie…" She trailed off. The brunette brought her hand up tenderly and wiped away a stray tear."I know…this isn't forever. But it feels like it right now. I'll see you Saturday." She tried to say firmly. "I love you." "I love you too." She stepped forward again closing into Sophie, now suddenly able to feel the brunette's heart pounding. "Please don't go tonight, please." Sophie stepped back, hanging her head low in anguish, slowly she shook her head fighting against the impulse to cancel her plans in favour of time with Sian. "I can't. I need this. I need to be wanted.""You are wanted, I want you." She pleaded, lacing her fingers with Sophie's. "And you can have me, all of me, every inch…" Sian smiled hopefully but when Sophie began to speak again it all plummeted to the ground. "…When I can have all of you." She with drew her fingers, flexing them trying to disregard how easily her fingers fitted between Sian's. "Is it serious…I mean with that woman?" Sian asked nervously."It's only our first date, nothing is serious.""But Alex said you two were-""Ignore Alex, I hold open a door for a woman and he is imagining that I'm having a full blown affair." Her attempt to make it light heart failed. "I hate her, just for the record." Sophie couldn't help but chuckle softly."I would be hurt if you didn't." She smiled warmly before leaning forward and brushing her lips against Sian's cheek, she turned and began to retreat back towards the school. "Hey." She called back over her shoulder and saw that Sian was watching her leave. "Just so you know, she's nothing compared to you, no one ever is." Sophie admitted although she knew that they were both aware of this fact already, she wanted Sian to know that she could go on 50 dates and she'd always end up coming back to the blonde; blonde smiled softly at Sophie's words as her eyes continued to stalk Sophie as she left her. But the girls words did not completely calm her, because despite what she'd said she was still going out with another woman. Another woman who would be able to gaze at her across a table, perhaps hold her if they went dancing…walk Sophie back to her door, kiss her lips, get invited inside, strip the clothes from Sophie's toned body. The bile that climbed her throat produced an end to her nightmare of thoughts. And in that instant she was aware of only one thing, she could not allow Sophie to go tonight. Yes she was selfish but Sian didn't care the raging monster in her body was taking control and she was willingly allowing it.


	3. Chapter 3

Sophie slung the dress on to her bed upon other discarded articles of clothing and let out a moan of frustration. The dress had looked too much, the jeans had looked under dressed and the pencil skirt had made her look like a wannabe dominatrix. She sat back down on her bed wearing her matching lilac underwear, resting her elbows on her knees and held her face in her hands staring forward into nothing. It wasn't the sexy underwear she owned and she originally wore her red lace set that she loved but it reminded her of Sian. The way the blondes eyes had racked over her, how her teeth bit her bottom lip in anticipation. She had instantly removed the garments and chosen a set she had purchased a week earlier, plain stripes that left much to the imagination. Sophie had no intention of allowing the evening to escalate to sex. It had been a big step for her just simply saying yes to this date she wasn't ready for sex with someone else. She knew she would spend the entire time thinking how Ellie's lips weren't Sian's, her hand didn't fit hers the way Sian's do. And most importantly, she didn't love her, not like Sian did. This was her problem her life revolved around Sian even when this date was meant to be the completely opposite effect. She hadn't been able to get her confrontation with Sian out of her mind all day and she had taught her classes half heartedly, although none of her students seemed to mind. So many emotions had crossed the blondes face, love, hurt, desire, jealousy, anger and it felt like a fist to her heart knowing she caused them all. But as guilt would wash over her for causing Sian pain, Sophie would instantly be irritated by the fact that Sian had Ryan. Her soul mate was married to someone else and yet Sian was hurt by the fact she was going on a date with someone else. Sian was married to Ryan, Ryan who trusted her with his heart and again the guilt would slip over gently like a tide coming into the shore. Looking over at the time she saw that she only had 45 minutes until Ellie knocked at her door, putting her hands down on the bed she pushed herself up catching her appearance in the mirror as she did so. Her face looked drain of colour, her eyes had bags underneath them and her cheeks looked protruded out more than usually. It was the first time in a long time that she had actually taken in her exterior properly, letting her eyes outline her face, she looked different older or perhaps just jaded. Finding love, holding on to love was meant to be everything, everything films, songs and books had been going on about but this wasn't right. Sophie loved Sian in a way that consumed her, and she was constantly asking herself whether the love outweighed the pain…And Sophie still hadn't come up with an answer. Ignoring her image in the mirror she went to her closet again flicking through the clothes on her hanger, for an October evening it wasn't particularly cold outside and she took this into consideration when she pulled out the dress. It was a summer dress that Rosie had forced her to buy a few months previously and she had never brought it out of her wardrobe before. She held the dress up to herself taking in the pale flowery pattern, it wasn't a very revealing outfit and it wasn't completely conservative. Slipping the garment over her head and doing the zip up at the side she looked at herself. The light pinks brought out the blue in her eyes or was that simply due to the paleness of her skin? Although the dress hung tightly to her chest and stomach from the waist down it draped loosely and Sophie spun around once. With a relieved sigh, she grabbed her flat black shoes that were discarded under the bed. Sophie had already decided she was going to were flats out that night, she wasn't sure where this date was going to be taking place and her heels were not designed for walking far in. Unlike her sister Rosie most of the shoes she owned were made for comfort rather than just to make her calves look toned. The base of her makeup had already been done and Sophie was rooting through her bag trying to find her mascara and lipstick. Sophie wasn't one to be ready early but she thought Ellie deserved to have at least ready to go when she turned up, she didn't want to mess this girl around even if she was a poor substitute for Sian. Mentally Sophie cursed herself, she had gone all of ten minutes without allowing the blonde to burrow into her subconscious thoughts and she wasn't sure she had the power to push her aside again or the heart to lock Sian away. The knock at the door caused Sophie to glance up at the clock on her wall. Ellie was half an hour early, at least she was eager Sophie thought to herself but it didn't lift the weight on her heart. She still couldn't shake the broken image of Sian's face from that afternoon. She grabbed her make up case and denim jacket that hung on door as she walked through the hallway to let Ellie in, she finish getting read while she offered her date a glass of wine. She raced through her mind trying to recall if she actually had any alcohol left. Occasionally on nights when she was unable to find sleep drew to thoughts of Sian she would sit in the kitchen accompany by a few glasses of wine or Whiskey and sporadically Jack Daniels. This wasn't a health habit, Sophie knew this and she'd attempted to stop but it had now become the only thing to shut of her mind. Even if it was for a few hours, it was enough. Sophie shrugged, if she had no wine, she knew that there was a least half a bottle of vodka. "I'm almost read-" She started to say when she opened the front door and the rest of her sentence got caught in her throat as it instantaneously went dry. On the other side of the door stood was not Ellie but rather Sian in a knee length wrap around coat. Sophie could just about make out her toned thighs she had on show in the evening light and it was enough to make her gulp hard. "What are you..." She trailed off as she watched Sian place a single finger to her lips silencing swallowed hard again as she could only watch helplessly as Sian's hands went to the belt of her jacket undoing the bow slowly. Sophie licked her lips trying to get some moisture in her mouth. Sian's eyes travelled down from blue orbs to watch the way Sophie's chest rose heavily, a small smirk playing across her lips at the effect she was having on her lover, she had no intentions of allowing Sophie to leave for her date. And the way Sophie was looking at her told her that her plan was working. With the belt loose her fingers trailed down from the collar of her coat, easing the material apart to reveal what lay beneath brunette had to remind herself to breathe, just one deep breath after the other, her mind was beginning to go foggy with the image in front of her. Sian now stood before her in the heels she had worn earlier, but now the suit was gone and all that remained was her powder blue lingerie complete with suspenders holding up skin coloured tights. Her flat abdomen was visible in the light from her hall and as Sophie's eyes travelled up to perk breasts pushed together by the lace she felt a heat race through her body. It was the most erotic thing Sophie had ever witnessed and her body shivered with desire. The click of Sian's heels caused her eyes to shoot up and she couldn't help her cheeks from colouring. The blonde gave her a knowing smile. "You can look. It's all for you." She whispered in a sultry tone which only increased the dampness between Sophie's control of her mind she grabbed the collar of Sian's coat in her fists and pulled her into her apartment, slamming the door quickly behind them Sian smirked at the reaction she received, however her lips dropped when she saw the angry expression on Sophie's face. "What are you playing at?" Came Sophie's sharp words through gritted teeth."Giving your neighbours an eye full." Sian joked as she stepped back into Sophie's personal space. Her slender finger trailed a line down the brunettes jaw before her thumb found Sophie's bottom lip and her pad over it causing Sophie's lips to part. The teacher had to stop herself from slipping her tongue out and guiding Sian's stray digit into her mouth."Giving them a heart attack more like." It was meant to be a joke but her tone was still hard and hit against Sian like an out of control train."Aren't you happy to see me?" She asked seductively, her eyelids slipping shut slowly, daring Sophie to tell her that she didn't want her, didn't want to be touched by her. Sophie wanted her they both knew this, she wanted to slip Sian's breasts out of her bra, to roll her nipple with her tongue, she wanted to savour Sian's taste . But more than anything she wanted to take Sian in her arms and hold her, brush blonde strands of hair from her face. Keep her and never let her go. There were many things Sophie wanted and most of them were just out of her grasp."What are you doing here?" Sophie enquired directly trying to keep herself focused and not let her eyes roam across Sian's body that still remain on display."I wanted to see you." Sian explained tilting her head to the side in an innocent way that made Sophie shake her head lightly."Sian, I already said that I couldn't see you tonight." Now Sophie understood why Sian was here, she didn't want her to go out with Ellie tonight and she was using this as a way to lure Sophie to stay. It did cause Sophie to smile inwardly at Sian's jealous behaviour but the other half of her was fuming because Sian was not allowing her to have her own life. Sian could go home to Ryan, make love to him and share her life with him but Sophie could not be permitted to have one night with another woman. Her inner pendulum swung between flattery and anger and she wasn't sure which side it would stop on. "Unfortunately I remember. But I thought you might like a better offer." That Sian Powers (because Sian would always be Powers to her and never Conner) smirk swept across her face. The brunette couldn't stop herself from chuckling at Sian's cocky nature it was one of the things she loved about the blonde; her faith that Sophie would always want her. The teacher looked at Sian's playful blue eye's before she turned to her makeup case that sat on top of the cabinet in the hallway. "I'm happy with the offer I have thank you." "Are you really though, because you know she's not me.""You're right she isn't you because Ellie isn't married." Sophie told her and she heard Sian sigh over her shoulder as she undid the top of her mascara. The brunette didn't hear the blonde approach her from behind and was only aware of her presence when arms snaked around her waist. She looked in the mirror to see Sian rest her chin on her shoulder before squeezing her gently. The stood like this, peaceful and calm enjoying the way they fitted together so naturally. Sian wanted to stay like this forever with her arms wrapped around the woman who owned her, get lost in each other and never come up for air. "Sian…" Sophie began placing her hands over Sian's slowly removing them from around her waist. Sian's head flopped back as far as it could go and stepped back with her lips pursed together. "What can I say to make you undress me? I've already started most of it." With a small laugh Sophie began to apply her mascara the dark makeup was coursing her eyes to stand out even more. "You look lovely." Sian said as she leaned on the wall watching the girl she loved getting ready for someone else."Thank you." Sophie replied with a lopsided smile."You've made quite the effort." "Well I hear that people quite like it when you dress up for a date, sweat pants and a tank top just don't cut it." She managed to say while slowly applying the eyeliner not wanting to end up in an uneven line. "I'd go on a date with you in any clothes." Sophie's heart rate slowed down in a painful way due to the sad tone that was accompanying Sian's words. "We never go on dates." The brunette said and the words cut Sian while Sophie picked up the two lipsticks. "Pink or red?" "Pink, red was always more Rosie's colour." Sophie nodded as she applied the lipstick. She spun around and looked at Sian. "How do I look?""Beautiful." She stated simply, no other words were needed. Sophie couldn't look at Sian for too long otherwise she would cave and pull the blonde into her arms. The doorbell rang and both woman turned to loo at the door but neither moved to answer took two steps forward and placed her hands tenderly upon Sophie's delicate cheeks. "Stay here with me." Sian begged dropping her bravo exterior and Sophie thought sadly how things had reversed. It took all her energy to grab the blondes hands and remove them from her face."No. I have someone waiting who I can actually have.""Please. Stay." There was desperation to her voice. Sophie couldn't help but enjoy this new role and she hated herself for it. "I'm not leaving.""You can stay but I'm going." Scared that she might give in she took her opportunity to grab her purse along with her jacket and quickly exited, leaving the blonde alone inside her flat. Maybe now she would feel the anguish she did when she had been left in those hotel rooms wrapping the bedding around her body, feeling used and nothing close to loved."Hey!" Ellie said surprised as Sophie almost knocked her over as she shut the door swiftly, not wanting Ellie is see Sian standing inside."Sorry. You ready?" Sophie said as she walked down the steps to the street. "Yeah of course, your carriage awaits." The dark haired woman said as she motioned to the taxi that was parked at the kerb."Yep. Let's go." Ellie led the way and Sophie looked around one last night at her flat seeing Sian standing at her window her palm pressed again the pane. Sophie thought she saw tears on the blonde's face but she forced herself to keep walking, leaving the love of her life behind. It broke Sophie's heart to leave Sian behind and she had to drive down the lump that was forming in her throat. It was like her and Sian were fighting the currents of a black sea and no matter how hard or fast they swam they could never break the surface. Sophie needed air she needed to feel her lungs burst with oxygen but outside at that moment the only thing that burst was her heart.****Sophie sat in the busy restaurant her eyes mapping out the room around her. She had wanted to come to this Italian place since opened and she had wanted to come with Sian. But the blonde repeatedly said it wasn't possible, it was too risky so Sophie had settled for room service at a hotel. Sophie watched the couples around the room how they gazed at each other, linked fingers as though it was only them two in the world and her heart contracted tightly in her chest. It should have been Sian sitting opposite her, it should have been them at this table with the candle flickering in between them letting the world know they were together and no one else mattered. But it wasn't them sitting at the table and Sophie was starting to wonder if it ever would be. All she had was a thousand broken promises laying scattered around her and every time she moved she felt their edges digging into her skin, a constant reminder of what would could have been."Hey you alright?" Sophie looked over to Ellie who was glancing at her with concern and Sophie tried to smile but she imagined that it came across as sinister rather than happiness."Yeah, yeah of course, I've wanted to try this place for a while." Sophie explained, trying to push through her melancholy mood."Good, I was worrying about where to take you, should I take her to see a film or go dancing. I mean there has been a big build up to this." She felt guilty about constantly cancelling on the girl. Ellie's wide smile just showed how much she wanted this date, how much she had looked forward to it and all Sophie was sick. She wanted to able to gaze across at Ellie and for that to be enough, to be content with the company and not have the ghost of Sian hanging in her thoughts. It was a useless fight because she knew she couldn't escape Sian, the chains of their love hung heavy around her neck. The weight bared down on her shoulders and she'd become accustom to it, Sophie wasn't sure if she could cope without it."Sorry. My family can be a little crazy and when they make plans, those plans are not to be cancelled." She said lightly, although the reason for her rearranging had been due to Sian as apposed to her family. It had taken all her courage to not do it this time especially when Sian had turned up at her door this evening...She quickly turned off her thoughts of Sian not wanting to remembering how her body looked under her coat."Well I'm glad they could spare you for one night." Sophie smiled. "You want to order wine?""Yes!" She replied too loud and too quickly and grinned embarrassed at her out burst. Sophie felt like she needed the cool liquid to caress her throat and loosen her tongue, to take away her inhabitations so she could enjoy this evening."Wow." Ellie laughed."It's been a long week." she explained, and it had been. Anytime without Sian seemed to stretch on endlessly and it felt her feeling empty and didn't pick up on the sadness in Sophie's eyes as she went on and the brunette had to will herself to pay attention to the conversation. "Tell me about it, trying to get twenty girls to run the 1500 was torture. Turns out they think run means walk around and gossip for an hour.""Well God forbid they get sweaty when they have hormonal boys to impress." They chuckled together and for that brief second it felt like any normal date and Sophie relaxed slightly. The waitress came over and Ellie selected a bottle of white wine, Sophie didn't care which one."So who was that girl today? She seemed pretty upset." And just like that Sophie knew it was impossible to try and escape from Sian just for one night, she was annoyed at herself for even trying."Just a friend, she's having problems with her husband." It wasn't a complete lie but she avoided parts of the truth. Sophie knew this was going to be a long night but she was determined to have one evening for herself, one evening when she was just Sophie Webster on a date, her own person. She was connected to Sian in a sordid affair that was destroying them, she was addicted to the blonde's lips and she was not in love with every single part of Sian. The problem was Sophie was all of those things and so much more.****Sophie had claimed a sickness bug and Ellie had believed her, which was surprising considering had hardly touched her wine, poked her pasta about without eating much and didn't even glance at the desert menu. She did feel ill, her stomach felt unsettled like any moment the contents of it would come back up. She knew that it was nothing to do with a bug it was the effort of Sian it was like the blonde was searing through her veins taking hold of her. The ride home had been in silence and as they walked the few steps to Sophie's front door she suddenly felt the strong sense of nausea take hold. The hallway and living room light's were on and she was sure that she could hear music playing from inside. Sian was still there. They stopped at her door and Sophie took her keys out quickly from her purse. But an awkward silence set over them and the brunette looked down at her feet to avoid Ellie's expectant gaze. "I had a good time tonight, illness aside." Ellie finally spoke and Sophie looked up and nodded."Me too." She lied, the whole evening had been a struggle. Sophie decided that she had to be honest with Ellie is wasn't fair to lead the girl on when in truth her heart wasn't in it, none of her was except for her wishful thinking."Is that music?" Ellie asked with a confused expression leaning closer to the entrance to Sophie's apartment. "Erm yeah…It's probably my sister sometimes she turns up to crash at mine." it scared Sophie how easy slander was falling freely from her mouth. She was secretly happy that Sian was still there because now she had a strong excuse for the date to end here on this doorstep. "Sisters eh…Can we do this again maybe, I mean when you're feeling better?" She fidgeted uncomfortably which only caused Sophie's resolve to fade away. The woman looked so vulnerable and hopeful in front of her that Sophie could not say no."Yeah, that would be good, when I'm feeling better." The smile that broke across Ellie's face threatened to break her cheeks and Sophie was glad the other girl seemed happy, even if she didn't feel the same excitement. "Good, because I want the full Sophie Webster experience." She quirked at eyebrow at the brunette and Sophie's stomach dropped, but she hid her anxiety behind a confident smile. "And there's just one more thing.""Yeah?" Sophie looked up to see almost black eyes that had once been brown and a dread started to ease through her. "I've been thinking about this for the last month and if I don't do it then I'll probably regret it the moment I walk away." There was a new found confidence to her voice that had not been there a minute ago and Sophie cursed herself for giving Ellie her courage back."And what's that?" Sophie didn't need to ask, she knew what was coming. All she could think was that Sian was beyond the door she stood beside, waiting for her and she felt unnecessarily guilty. "This." Taking a step forward she placed her hands on either side of Sophie's face and she instantly noted how her hands were bigger than Sian's and her fingers were not as slender. Sophie kept one hand by her side holding her bag while the other gentle sat on Ellie's hip. Her lips were soft and the kiss was nice, but that was the only word Sophie could use to describe it, the ground didn't shake and no fireworks went off. It was everything a first kiss shouldn't be but still it was nice. But when she felt Ellie's tongue run across her bottom lip she did not allow it entry and instead broke the kiss off. Ellie pressed her forehead against Sophie's as if trying to prolong this intimate moment and it made the brunette feel uneasy. "You're good at that." She breathed out with a light chuckle. Sophie could taste the wine and garlic on the other woman's breath and her stomach churned. "I've had a lot of practice." She replied as took a step back trying to distance herself. But she knew she would give Ellie another chance, maybe next time it would be better. Although it hadn't been the perfect night that she had hoped for it was nice having someone who was borrowed, who was hers."Do I want to know?""Probably not." Sophie smirked. Ellie's face shone with future prospect that Sophie so desperately wanted. "Well I should get inside, I'd invite you in but, you know sister.""I wouldn't have come in anyway." Ellie replied as she started to walk down the frowned at her, slightly hurt by the woman's comments or had Ellie simply noticed the way Sophie was not in this whole heartedly. "Why?" The P.E stopped at the bottom and looked up at the brunette. "Because I like you Soph, and that's not how I want us to start." Her words touched Sophie and she smiled genuinely for the first time that evening. "I'm not going anywhere and I kinda hope you're not either." Sophie bit her lip and shook her head. "Good. Get better, I'll call you.""Okay." Sophie watched until Ellie's taxi had driven off down the street before she put her key in the door and entered. Shutting the door she put her purse down on the side and looked at herself in the mirror. "You didn't invite her in then." The voice made her jump somewhat, in her flurry of emotions from her previous exchange she'd forgot that Sian was still inside the house. "It's only the first date." Sophie stated, although she could hear Sian's voice she couldn't see her. The blonde was clearly in her front room and Sophie made no effort to move to the blonde."But you kissed her." Sian was now standing in the doorway to the hall leaning on the frame watching Sophie who was still staring at her reflection in the mirror."Were you spying on me?" She slipped out of her denim jacket and threw it on the floor, unable to draw the strength to hang it up. "It's not really spying when you do it right on the doorstep…Did you have a good time?" Sian had spent the last two hours just sitting in Sophie's front room gawking at the clock on the wall, willing the brunette to come home to her. She wasn't sure if she could handle the answer to her question, but she was a sucker for self torture. "Yes, it really nice." She wanted to double over in pain at Sophie's response, she'd wanted to hear the words 'it was terrible, I couldn't stop thinking about you the whole time.' "And the kiss?" She didn't know why she kept asking, kept putting herself through unwanted agony, maybe she deserved it. "Also nice." She would not give Sian the satisfaction of hearing how all her thoughts were about the blonde."Just nice?" Sian raised her eyebrows and Sophie let out a long breath of air trying to keep her calm. "Are you going to see her again?" Sian asked quietly, and Sophie had to stop herself from rolling her eyes in frustration."Yes." She replied simply as she removed her earrings in the mirror. "Why?" Came the short retort."Because it's nice having someone." Sophie admitted sadly as she finally looked into the mirror to see Sian's eyes boring into her."You have me." Through the reflection she could see the blonde coming closer and Sophie involuntarily felt her body tense. She was now wearing Sophie's dressing gown over her underwear but it remained undone so Sophie could see everything underneath. She sighed. "That's the thing Sian…" Sophie started as she turned around to face the woman who looked so completely vulnerable and bare to the world. She wanted to wrap the blonde in her arms and spare her all the ugliness that the universe had to offer, show her only the beauty. But she couldn't they had created something so dirty and wrong between them that it was eating them alive from the inside out, and no amount of soothing words would be able to make it right. "I don't have you. He does and all I get are stolen moments.""Sophie…you know it won't be like this forever." The blonde attempted to comfort Sophie's warring heart, try to calm her concern and reassure her that she was Sophie's. She was rooted so deeply to the brunette that it was as if they were one person, she couldn't be herself if she wasn't connected to Sophie. Without the brunette her life with cease to have meaning, the colour would drain from her life and she would be left with only black and white to consume her."Argh!" Sophie yelled out in annoyance throwing her arms up in the air as though daring the heavens to strike her down. "That's all I ever hear. 'it won't be forever!' I'm sick of hearing false words and empty promises.""They aren't false or empty Soph, I love you." The last three words were barely a whisper but they seemed to vibrate through Sophie's body."No! This is the opposite of love Sian. This is pain and for those moments of love that we share in the middle of them I'm left with so much hurt it feels like I'm drowning." Sian stepped forward even closer and reached her soft hands out to cup Sophie's face, a small sad smile pulling at her lips. "I'll save you.""I can't." She said ripped her head away from Sian's tender gesture, she couldn't allow herself to be pulled into this, she had to be strong, be the Sophie Webster her parents had raised her to be. She could do this, she told herself even thought she felt as if her heart was running rampant inside her ripping her apart. Although Sian couldn't see the inner struggle she was feeling at that moment, the tears that started to spring from Sophie's eyes let her know she was not going to like what came next. "I can't do this any more." Six words should not have been that hard to say but they got caught as they came out, rupturing her throat as she brought them up. The words dug their heels in not wanting to be spoken."What?" Sian's eyes went wide in disbelief at what she was hearing. The threat at been uttered many times before but this time felt different. Her body felt like a stack of cards and the one at the bottom had been pulled away and she was collapsing to the ground. The heart at her core went tight like a hand was squeezing it, causing the blood to stop pumping through her body. And she hoped that perhaps she had not heard what she thought she had, it was a mistake, Sophie was talking about something else. "This hurts too much. I feel like I'm waiting around for you to choose me. I'm like that pathetic child in the back of the class who knows the answer to a question and has their hand flying in the air screaming pick me, pick me." Her tears were following freely, dragging her makeup down her face, but Sian still thought she was the most beautiful creature she had ever laid eyes on. She was beautifully broken and all she wanted to do was fix her. Put her back together piece by piece so that she would never fall apart again."But I have chose you." The desperation dripped of her words."No you picked Ryan." She argued turning to walk past the blonde but was stopped by firm hands on her forearms. She tried half heartedly to escape the grasp but gave up. "How many times do we have to do this Soph. You left for America." Sian went on moving her eyes to keep them inline with Sophie's wanting the brunette to hear her words, for them to sink in."And you couldn't wait for me then but I'm expected to wait for you now? Bit of a double standard don't you think." Sophie spat back. "You were meant to be gone for 6 months and then it turned into a year and you still weren't home. I didn't know if you were ever coming back." They were shouting now, being frenzied by their anger and their suffering. A hurricane was whirling around them getting them more worked up with ever cry. "I came back for you." Sophie declared."You came back a week before my wedding Sophie." Sophie remember silently the phone call she had received from Rosie who had accidentally let it slip about the marriage and she had booked a flight home for the next day. She had felt her heart slipping through her fingers and had come running back to claim what was hers. But seeing Sian in her cream dress all verbal skill had disappeared and she'd been left with a dry throat. Sian had looked at as she walked down the isle and her eyes had gone wide for a moment she stopped. However Sophie's wishes had faded when she saw Sian hold her head up air and walked on, towards Ryan. "Of course I did. How could you walk down that isle with me sitting there?" The image of them standing at the alter still haunted her."It was the hardest thing I ever had to do." Just like that the shouting stopped, Sian was wasn't sure if she could speak what was going through in her mind but she took a deep breath and opened her mouth. "Well at least now you know how I feel right now Sian." The blonde recoiled retracting her hands from their gip on Sophie."What do you mean?" Her eyebrows hung low as she tried to process what Sophie was trying to say, hoping that the fear spreading through her was wrong, that she wasn't about to hear what she dreaded. "This, you and me, we can't keep doing it, hurting each other, hurting people without them ever knowing." The was a strength to her voice but she felt as if it was borrowed and any second the owner was going to come and demand the courage back as their own."You don't mean this." Sian's mouth gaped open, they had said it was over many times before but this felt different. This felt final. "I do." Sophie moved back but Sian held out onto her wrist's keeping her close. "Sian let me go." "No." She exclaimed. "Not until you tell me you're lying." Sophie kept trying to pull her arms away but Sian held on tight, the blonde's grasp was hard but Sophie enjoyed the pain just so she knew she wasn't completely numb. "I'm not. Just go." "No!" Sian shouted through gritted teeth as she glared at Sophie who returned the hard stare. Their chests were heaving, their jaws set. Sian looked into those defiant eyes and grabbed the sides of Sophie's face pulling the girls lips violently to her own. "No Sian." She tried to protest as the other woman tried to kiss her. Sophie did not respond at first, just stood there and tried to convince herself to push Sian away, she had meant what she said. But when Sian's tongue begged for entrance into her mouth and Sophie gave in and let the blonde have what she wanted and what she unwillingly wanted too. Because she couldn't deny Sian, she needed the blonde, just as much as people needed air to live. The kiss was sloppy as their tongues duelled each other and Sian pushed her back until Sophie collided hard with the wall, she groaned but she wasn't sure if it was due to desire or surprise. Teeth clashed as Sian's tongue owned Sophie's mouth letting her know who she belonged to. The foggy haze of desire was wrapping around them and all rational thoughts were mistreated as they felt themselves getting carried away. A moan ripped through Sian's throat as Sophie's slender fingers threaded through her hair pulling her closer and keeping her in place. Sian's teeth bit down into Sophie's lip and any other time she would have been concerned about breaking the skin to her lip but she didn't care. The brunette let out a yelp when she felt a toned thigh slip in between her legs and she instinctively pushes down on it, needing the contact. Instinctively Sophie's hands moved under the robe that Sian wore and pushed it back until it fell to the floor, leaving the blonde in her lace. With a smirk at the reaction she had received Sian removed her lips and began to attack the other woman's exposed neck pushing brown locks aside as she relentlessly began to kiss the flesh beneath. Sucking and licking the skin she bit down roughly and Sophie let out a small cry but her hand was still on the back of Sian's head keeping her near. Sophie couldn't stop herself from grinding down on the blonde's thigh and Sophie couldn't help but think she was smearing herself through her knickers onto Sian, this only increased the wetness that was already evident. "Jesus, Sian." The barristers teeth were leaving marks along her neck and Sian's usually pale blue eyes were growing darker by the second. Immediately any space that had existed in-between them was gone, they were flush against each other as Sian saw Sophie's pink tongue swipe across her lips she knew she had to taste her again. The kiss was angry, hungry and desperate. Sian's hand snaked around to the side of Sophie's dress fumbling as she pulled the zipper down before roughly pulling the brunette's dress down so it hung loosely around her waist. At the action Sophie bucked her hips into Sian's thigh, needing the friction, needing so much more than what the blonde was giving her. She wanted everything. Sian's hand went to Sophie's right bra clad breast palming it and feeling the nipple beneath her harden all the while her lips sucked on a pink tongue. Sian pulled away to relentlessly attack Sophie's jaw line and chest with her lips. "What are we doing?" Sophie panted feeling all her restrain disappear."It doesn't matter." Sian responded. She pinched Sophie's erect nipple roughly. "Do you want me?" She asked in between kissing and sucking, and Sophie could only nod her head unable to form any words while pleasure and pain surged through her body. "You should answer, when I speak to you Soph." Her hands reach reached round and unclasped her pulling the straps down her shoulder's revealing the hidden mounds of flesh beneath. Sian can't stop the moan from escaping her lips at the sight. Sophie tries to speak under the watchful gaze of the other woman but all that comes out are a mumble of syllables. "What was that? I think you do want me, because I can feel you all over my leg." Dirty talk wasn't uncommon between them but right now it was sending waves of pleasure through Sophie's body in a way it never had before. "Always…Yes." The brunette managed to say and for her effort Sian engulfed a nipple into her mouth while both her hands found blond hair keeping her steadily in place. Sophie's hips begin to buck fasting trying to find a release to the growing tension inside her but all Sian can focus on is rolling the harden peak between her teeth savouring the feeling of Sophie and the stimulation she has on her. She brings her right hand up to tweak Sophie's other exposed nipple, Sophie's not sure she can take much longer as her hips become erratic grinding down harder and Sian means every thrust. Sian is faintly aware of Sophie saying her name, but the blood rushing in her ears drowns out nearly all other sounds. "I need more…Sian I need." But her words are stopped when she feels Sian's hand leave her breast and begins to tease her upper tight, it sends shivers through Sophie's body and for a moment she thinks she's going to come undone right there. "You're mine." Sian growls as she frees the nipple from her mouth a pop travelling back to Sophie's neck marking her as her own."Only yours." Sophie repeats and that's all the blonde needs to hear as she moves her hand from Sophie's thigh to cup damp panties. Sophie tries to push herself down on the digits but Sian gentle moves away each time."Say it again." She purrs into Sophie's ear."I'm yours." With a gasp her head falls back and hit's the wall with a thud as Sian pushes hard into her wet thong. "Fuck." she breathes out pushing herself down onto the woman she loves, arching her back and shifting closer into the blonde. "Please, please." Sophie begs, she needed Sian to touch her, to be inside her, to make her come until there is nothing left inside her. "What do you want?" Comes the coy question and Sophie is sure that if she doesn't feel the blonde within her soon she is going to explode."You." Sophie squeaks out as Sian bites down on her nipple again."But what do you want me to do? This time growling herself Sophie pulled Sian's head up so she could look her directly in the eyes. "I want you to fuck me." Those six words are all the blonde needs to here as she skilfully pushes the barrier of Sophie's underwear aside and plunges one fingers inside her before drawing them slowly out again. Her face to pressed deeply into Sophie's neck, for both support and breathe in her natural scent. She can taste a layer of sweet sweat on the girls flesh as she licks up to her earlobe. "Soph, you are so wet." Sophie groans at the loss of contact."Sian, I…please." She continues to beg and Sian is loving the desperate tone of her lover, the way she can get Sophie to say things no one else quickly re-enters with two, slamming her fingers hard into the taller girl, her palm making contact with Sophie's clit. She hears the strangled cry that is ripped from Sophie's throat at finally having what she has been seeking. The brunette's fingers clutch onto Sian's shoulders holding her close whilst she thrusts her hips to meet the fingers pumping in out of her. She digs herself forward so that her clit continues to rub against Sian's hand."Oh god. Don't stop, never stop." Sophie pleads as Sian feels nails dig into her bare skin. "Never, I won't ever stop." She pants as she continues to work her hand as quickly as possible against Sophie's increasingly erratic hips. The brunette's perfect lips form an 'O' shape as Sian curls her fingers inside her throbbing core and find that spot that is guaranteed to send her over the edge. With every plunge Sian hits her spot and Sophie is biting down so hard on her own lip that she thinks that she can taste blood. She can feel the familiar build by in her stomach, knot of tension that is imploring to be released. There is no rhythm to her hips any more, her legs are beginning to go numb and all that exists are her and Sian. The blonde knows that it will soon be over as she feels the wetness from Sophie dripping down her fingers, pulling back from the burrow of the woman's neck she looks into those blue eyes that she can not be parted from. They hold each other's gaze and what started as desperate 'fucking' and somewhere transformed into something else, something beautiful in the broken world they have somehow created for themselves. "Kiss me. Please." Sian says, if this is all they are going to have, if Sophie still decides to leave she wants to forever remember those lips upon her own. Sophie almost hesitates for a second , but the wretched expression in those blue eyes causes her to lean forward. Her eyes slip shut and wonders if she can focus on kissing while trying insistently to get her relief. It had just been about sex this moment, Sian wanted to own Sophie and she had allowed her but she swallowed hard wondering what this kiss might mean, what it might lead to. Sophie leaned forward slowly and gentle swept her lips across the blonde's, knowing she couldn't resist the moment no matter how scared she was of what would happen after. She felt Sian whine against her lips before her tongue enters the woman's mouth and they connect in a soft duel. It was with this action that Sophie felt herself start to come unravel, her body stiffens as Sian maintains her steady pace. "Sian…" She mumbles through the kiss as their lips mash together hard pulling the blonde flush against her. Sian felt Sophie's inner muscles contract and clench around her fingers, their bodies so close it wasn't possible to determine where one ended and the other began , she whimpers Sophie's name in response. Her fingers finally slowed as she allowed Sophie to ride out the end of her orgasm. She kissed the brunette slowly, before she pulled back and rested their foreheads together. Sophie went lip against her and she leaned forward to rest her forehead on Sian's shoulder, breathing deeply and Sian just held her.****They laid their together a tangled mess of sweat and flesh, clothes ripped and torn away. Sophie was sprawled against the wall her breathing finally returning back to normal, Sian lay between her legs with her ear pressed tightly against Sophie's chest. It was silent in the apartment as though the whole world was waiting for what was going to happen next. Sophie's index finger traced over the mark that she had left on Sian's chest, just over her heart. A claim that would never be hers. Usually the blonde would have been angry about the mark Sophie had left behind but his time it was different, the air hung heavily around them. It was in this moment while see gazed at the live bite that Sophie knew, wanting something badly enough with your whole being did not mean it was meant to be. The realisation sunk it's claw's into the brunette and her eye welled up before spilling freely."I mean it this time Sian. Its over." Sophie managed to say though the tears escaping out contradicted her words. She racked her fingers through Sian's hair moving it away from her forehead before leaning down ever so slightly and pressing a hard and desperate kiss on Sian's hairline. In someway she hope that the gesture would forever be imprinted on the woman, tangible proof that they had exited together before fading away like smoke."I know." Sian spoke in a husky tone as she fought back the body shattering sobs that threatened to cut through her. Instead she wanted this moment to last as she kept her ear to Sophie's chest listening to the brunettes heart pounding beneath her. A heart that was forever connected to her own. They held each other tight as they cried, knowing that eventually they would have to let this was fitting, they had started out with a simple spark that had slowly grown bigger and stronger until it became out of control, and now they sat together with the fire around them waiting silently for the last lick of the flame to die out. And all that would be left would be the ash of all the many 'what if's'


	4. Chapter 4

**It's been two weeks since she had seen Sian. Nine days since she was last in work. One week since she really left the house. Five days since she stopped answering any calls from numbers she didn't recognise. Fours days since she received the last bouquet of flowers. Three days since she actually talked to anyone. Two days since she received an e-mail from the blonde. One days since she had her last had voice mail; that still remained un-listened to. And it's been a total of one hour since her phone vibrated on the floor from across the room, she doesn't need to answer it to know who is lay in bed just listening to the sounds from the world that still continued to tauntingly turn outside her window. She interlocked her fingers and pressed them against her face and braced herself as a sneeze rattled through her body. Grabbing the tissue she wiped her nose self pity dripping from her pores. Despite the fact that Sophie had only managed a few hours of sleep each night for the last fortnight, she found that she was unable to rest. There was a gnawing anxiety in her body that forced her eyes to stay awake, she thought it might have something to do with lead weight in her chest that replaced her heart. Her body had been taken over by the flu as though it had given up the will to fight any infection. Used tissues remained discarded around her room, she didn't have the will to tidy them up, truth was Sophie didn't have the will to do anything. Reaching down to the side of her bed she picked up her bottle of water and chanced a glance at her clock. It was only midday, time seemed to have lost all meaning and ticked away slowly as if ridiculing her. Taking a mouthful of lukewarm water she wished it was vodka and she considered going to get the bottle from the kitchen, but that involved effort, and her body was weak and tired so she made due with her phone began to ring again and Sophie ripped the covers back violently preparing to throw the device out of her window. It has like torture telling herself to cut Sian out and with the blonde's constant attempts to contact her it was only making it more difficult. However when she looked at the screen she saw a familiar number, falling back on the bed with a bump she accepted the call."Hey." She said as she got herself back under her covers."Hiya gorgeous, how's the man flu?" Alex's chipper voice came fluttering through the mobile and she cursed him for appearing so carefree."A little better." She coughed out at him, she'd been suffering with a cold for a while now and was unable to shift it. A silence fell over them and she knew that she should fill it but she didn't have the energy."Well get back here soon because I've been sitting with Mrs Bloomingford and it's like being at sea world. I'm gonna have to buy an anorak if you don't get back here soon." She chuckled along with him although her heart wasn't in it, she was just going through the motions of her life. "I'll try my best to get better.""Good because you being off any longer is just selfish of you." She couldn't see him but Sophie was sure he was probably pouting at her through the phone, the image made her smile, it wasn't enough to bring her back to life but it was enough to let her know she wasn't completely hollow inside. "Hey, some more flowers came today." And just as easily as the grin shifted on her face it disappeared and the uneasy feeling settled in the pit of her one spoke for longer than was socially acceptable in these situations, but Sophie couldn't think of anything to say. "Right." She drew the word out for longer than the two syllables, knowing what was coming."Are you ever going to tell me who is sending you these flowers? It's like the fourth load sent here. And I'm hoping I don't get my masculinity card removed for this but they are gorgeous, lilies again. Who ever your secret admirer is though they need to spice it up." He laughed but she could tell there was an edge to his voice. He had been asking all week who was sending her the flowers and he was clearly becoming frustrated by her lack of information and Sophie was sure that it was hurt him. There wasn't much Sophie kept from Alex and now she was shutting him out. She was pleased that she was unable to see his wounded expression."Lilies are my favourite." Sophie eventually told him ignoring the other question he asked. She heard him sigh through the phone."I didn't know that." Alex said sombrely. Another thing Sophie had never mentioned to him. "Do you want me to bring this lot round?" She knew that he wanted to see her but she couldn't face people, it was too hard pretending to be happy when inside she felt like she was empty, a void space that had once been overrun with love."No.""Okay. Just so you know Ellie saw them, I told her they were from your mum. Do you even want to know what the card said?" He asked like he had done about the other notes and her answer had always been the same."No." She said biting her lip, her eyes closed tightly in a pained expression. How was it possible to forget someone when they refused to leave, when they sent constant reminders. It was too much, too hard."It's a quote from Wuthering Heights." Alex went on pushing the subject and she tried to stop herself from falling apart. Because she didn't need to hear what the quote was. Sophie remembered one night being in a hotel room, slowly drifting off to sleep and hearing the words uttered in her ears; 'If all else perished, and you remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and you were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger: I should not seem a part of it.' It was one of those perfect moments that would haunt her. "Right.""Jesus Soph, what the hell is going on!" She jumped slightly at his sharp tone."Alex don't." Her voice was even, she didn't even have the energy to put up a fight."Don't? That's all you have to say. I stand by you and you just lie to me." The anger was laced with every word, but Sophie understood, she was shutting him out, it was only natural that he would eventually snap."I can't do this." It was a weak response but she didn't have the will to argue. She barely had the energy to hold the phone against her ear."What the hell is going on?""Nothing is going on." She told him. She heard him sigh again through the phone and it caused her eyes to fill up with tears. "I have to go." She needed to end this conversation before she felt what was left of her strength dissolve and she spilled everything out to him."Course you do." He said. "Look Sophie. I'm here for you.""I know that." "But you're not going to tell me are you?""There is nothing to tell.""Fine. Get better." And just like that the phone went dead. She kept the mobile against her ear for a while listening to the silence on the other end. This affair had slowly torn Sophie's life apart, she wasn't the same girl she was, she was cutting out her friends, ignoring calls from her family. Slowly she pulled her phone away from her ear and turned it off before placing it on her bedside table. Grabbing the quilt she wrapped it around herself and started to cry fresh tears. It shocked her that her eyes still managed to produce any tears at all, it felt like not one hour had passed where she didn't cry. Her heart was breaking every second and although she knew that she had done the right thing it still didn't stop the sorrow she was constantly feeling. When you love someone and they loved you that was meant to be enough right?Her dreams were broken and interrupted, flashes of Sian and Ryan, angry words from Alex, loving glances from Ellie and disapproving gazes from her mother. When she awoke with a start Sophie wasn't sure if the film of sweat was from her temperature or from the nightmares. It was dark out now and it made her feel better, like the night would hide her shame and pain from the world, as if she was safe to peek out from her covers. Sophie could still see the image of Ryan in her dreams and her chest tightened. Sophie knew that she should regret what her and Sian did, that the guilt should consume her from the inside like a disease. They had been hurting people without them ever knowing it, they were destroying people without their consent. However she couldn't regret it because she would do every love, lust filled moment again, because those instances with Sian made her feel alive and every breath was deeper and every sight was more colourful. Now every lung of air felt heavy and the world was black and grey. So no, as much as she should, she didn't regret it. But she knew it had to end, they were like a hurricane and they would have taken down everything in their path. Now all Sophie could do was lay in bed replaying all the details over in head and Sophie could feel it slowly sending her over the edge. Throwing the covers back and without bothering to get out of her sweatpants and stained white t-shirt she grabbed her car keys and exited her apartment. Autopilot had taken over but she knew where her feet were leading her, she could have her eyes closed and she would still be able to see her route as clear as day.*****Sian lay decumbent staring up at the ceiling as the figure above her grunted as he pressed into her. Her legs were spread wide, and her feet pressed firmly down onto the smooth sheets. The man inside of her was muttering under his breath, but Sian had learned to tune him out. She had her gaze fixed on a crack of light shining on the ceiling. Her fingers dug into the mattress, the only thing keeping her from shoving Ryan off of her. She knew he would be done soon; his stamina wasn't what it use to be. His body shuddered violently, and he collapsed on top of the small woman. Sian let him roll off her before she finally released her death-grip on the sheets. She felt disgusting. Her body felt foreign, not her own. She pulled the covers up over her, feeling too exposed, turning away she bit her bottom lip hard trying to distract herself from the pain in her chest. She felt his fingers graze across her back and she fought against the shudder that threatened to rake through her. The problem was she didn't take pleasure in sex with him any more, at one time it had been bearable and even enjoyable but how could see go back after what she had shared with Sophie. It had been more than just fucking, it had been filled with love, desire and beauty. Now when he was above her sweating and grunting she had to turn her face away, unable to look him in the eyes. Sian knew she deserved this, she had made her bed and now she had to lie in it, with Ryan cluelessly beside her. When she had walked out of Sophie's apartment two weeks ago she hadn't expected it to be easy but she had not foreseen it being this difficult. She couldn't stop herself from calling, texting, e-mailing or sending flowers. She just wanted to hear from the brunette, it felt like her heart had been ripped out, how were you meant to go on living without the most vital organ in your body? Sian knew she had to leave him, she couldn't live like this, but she knew that she had made a vow to him and she couldn't just walk away. Somehow she always found an excuse to stay where she was and not go running to Sophie with her heart in her hands begging her to take it. "Where are you?" He asked her as she felt his fingertip draw a heart on her back, mentally she visualised it shattering against her warm skin. "I'm right here." She said shrugging off his touch before throwing the covers back and slidding off the bed."Where are you going?" The voice was irritated as Ryan pulled her back towards the bed, and sat up looking at her."I want a shower. Let me go." Sian said jerking her hand from his grip knocking into the bedside table. She stormed into the bathroom, and slammed the door behind her. The reflection she saw in the mirror startled her as she looked into it; dark circles present beneath her blue eyes, and her hair hung lifeless around her face. Who was she? Turning to the shower she reached for the knob, spinning it until the water loudly pounded against the surface. Stepping inside she let the water cascade down her broken body and beat down upon her face. Pushing her hair back Sian opened her mouth letting her water to pour in, her skin started to turn red from the scolding temperature hammering down on her but she made no attempt to get out. Instead she leaned her forehead against the cold tiles letting the shower pound an uncoordinated rhythm on her head and back. Everything was so fucked up and she hated the way her body felt and missed the way Sophie's touch made her feel. When she exited the bathroom half an hour later the bedroom was dark and she could hear the snores from her husband. She looked at him and hated herself for marrying second best. She hated herself for giving up on her own dreams of happiness. Most of all she hated herself for her stubborn behaviour because that day in the church when she saw Sophie she could have stopped all this. She should have called it off then and there, ran to Sophie and told her she loved her and she never stopped. But she was still hurting from being left behind so she walked down that isle and said 'I do'. It wasn't Ryan's fault and she couldn't continue punishing him for it. So she punished the bathrobe tightly around herself she walked to the window running her hand through her damp hair. She looked out onto the street remembering her teenage years with Sophie, the trouble they had gotten into, the places where they had stolen kisses from each other and the aching in her chest seemed to multiply. Looking down the cobbles she suddenly caught sight of the blue fiesta and instantly recognised the brunette behind the wheel. Even through the darkness she could see that Sophie was sitting in her car looking up while she gazed down. Her heart began to beat rapidly as she considered running out into the night but the option was lost to her when saw the headlights come on and the car pull away. As much as it hurt watching Sophie drive away it also filled her with a sense of hope, that this was just as hard on Sophie, that she couldn't stay away either. Was this the first time she had driven by? Would it be the last? Was it a final goodbye? All these questions haunted Sian as she left the bedroom and crawled into the spare bed. She didn't expect to sleep, it was a feign past time now, so she lay there on her side staring at the glowing numbers on the clock.*****Sophie sat in her parent's kitchen in the dark nursing her second glass of vodka. She knew the whole time while she had been driving to Sian's that it was a mistake, that she should turn back but she simply kept turning the steering wheel until she was outside her flat. She had convinced herself that it was for closure, than as soon as she looked up at the window knowing that Sian and Ryan were inside she'd be able to move on. Sophie Webster was a fool. She was about to drive off when she saw the blonde in the window and her heart contracted. Even through the night sky and window panes Sian still looked gorgeous and she could see the pain in those blue eyes and before she knew it her foot was on the accelerator and she rounded the corner. Perhaps she should have driven home, put some distance between her and Sian but she couldn't. Knowing Sian was just down the street seemed to fill her with some comfort that had disappeared for the last two weeks."Who's there!" Sophie's head shot up as she looked through the archway to see Rosie jump into view. "I'm armed." There stood her sister with a stiletto held above her head ready to club an unsuspecting intruder to death."With a shoe?" I asked puzzled and chuckled softly, her face showed the relief on seeing that it was Sophie sitting at the table. "I could have killed you." She stated dramatically as Sophie rolled her eyes."With a shoe?" Sophie repeated."These are 200 quid shoes, and they hurt like a bitch when I'm wearing them so I have no doubt they can inflict some serious damage." Rosie said this almost like a fact as she pulled a chair out and sat beside Sophie, placing the shoe delicately on the table."What are you doing here anyway?" "Jason's a wanker." She shrugged at Sophie as though it was enough of an explanation, but the youngest Webster just continued to frown. "We had a fight.""About?" Sophie prompted her. "I brought those shoes. He just doesn't understand." Rosie exclaimed throwing her hands up into the air. "He told me we didn't have the money to throw about. I mean I work my fingers to the bone in that factory and what's the point if I can't treat myself every once in a while. So I took Blake and brought him here. Thank God that boy got his brains from me or he'd be danger to himself like his father." "Jesus it's all going on in the Grimshaw household." Sophie smiled as she poured herself another glass and suddenly felt the watchful eyes of her sister on her."What's going on?" Rosie asked her eyes narrowed. "Nothing. Just thirsty." She waved it off taking a sip of vodka enjoying the burning sensation as it slipped down her throat. "Don't give me that crap Soph. You've been like MIA for ages now, you haven't even answered the phone to Blake." She knew that one would hit Sophie below the gut and Sophie instantly felt guilty because she loved her nephew but she just didn't want him to see her in this state. "And now I almost go ninja on you as you sit in the dark drinking vodka alone." "Wow Sherlock nothing gets past you." Sophie told her sarcastically."I know." The sarcasm was lost on her as she smiled brightly. "So spill it.""It's nothing Rosie." But she could already feel the pressure building up behind her blue eyes, she'd been burying it all down and now she could feel it bubbling preparing to explode. She needed Rosie to stop. "Just leave it. Please." Sophie looked down at the glass of clear liquid unable to look up at her sister, scared that tears would inevitably start to fall and she would be powerless to stop them. However when she felt the hand upon her own before her fingers were gently squeezed a low sob escaped her lips."Soph, oh god Sophie, what's wrong?" Chancing a glance upwards Sophie saw that her sister had departed from her chair and was now kneeling in front of her, pure concern in her eyes and all her strength vanished. Placing her head on Rosie's shoulder she allowed herself to be held like a child as she cried and her sister remained silent until Sophie's breathing returned back to normal. "What's going on?" Rosie asked as her thumb wiped away tears."It's Sian." It had been a long time since they had spoken about Sian, it had almost been a banned subject since the wedding and Rosie watched her sister with a bemused expression. "What about her?" Sophie looked up with red eyes, her bottom lip trembling. "We…I…we've been- we've been having an affair." Her delicate face broke again and fresh tears began to cascade down her flushed cheeks. Rosie's mouth was left agape as her hand dropped from her sisters face. "Rosie, I couldn't help it. I…""When? How long has this been going on?" There was a hidden anger to her voice that Sophie knew Rosie was trying to hide. She understood her sister's views on adultery, their family had suffered on multiple occasions due to unfaithful behaviour. "I'm sorry. I love her." Rosie brought her little sister back into her arms and held her tightly. "I ended it. I know it was wrong. But God, it hurts to breathe." She mumbled into Rosie's shoulder, swallowing hard trying to stop the sobs. "Why didn't you say anything?" She moved back so she could look into the blue eyes that matched her own."What could I say?" Sophie shrugged wiping at her eyes. "I never planned for it, but then I couldn't give her up. I still don't know if I can." She slipped off the chair so she could be cradled in her sisters arms again, feeling safe and protected. "Jesus Soph." She whispered into her siblings ear. "When did it start?""When she got back from her honeymoon. I never meant to hurt anyone.""But you're hurting people anyway."Sophie's face contorted in pain as she pulled back roughly. "Don't you think I know that, don't you think that this whole thing has been killing me?" "Soph, I'm sorry. What are you going to do?""Try to survive?" Her body ached and even though so weight had been lifted from her shoulders the dull ache in her chest still resided painfully as her body seemed to cave in on itself."Come on. Come get in with me tonight." Gently she lifted Sophie off the ground supporting her sister's weight as she lifted her up the stairs. They had experienced their ups and downs as siblings but at that moment Sophie was glad that Rosie was her sister and as they lay in bed her sisters arm protectively around her, she finally allowed sleep to take over her and her mind went quiet. **

**Sian didn't say goodbye to Ryan that morning she couldn't even look at herself in the mirror let alone look at her husband. She reminded herself to pick up the two prescriptions before Sian opened the front door, she needed to renew her pill as well as pick up her antibiotics for a throat infection that would not leave. Letting the warm morning air run across the small amount of bare skin that was exposed, it felt refreshing. Yet she silently cursed the beautiful day, unable to understand why the world could seem so innocent and perfect when she knew how dark and twisted it was. The fair haired girl detested the new bitter streak that had developed within her but she couldn't seem to escape it. Closing the door behind her she left her broken home hoping that court today would take her heavy mind of the empty feeling in her walked across the street to the shop at a slow pace, her whole rhythm of life had slowed down. Before with Sophie she had been alive, there had been a skip to her step and now it was over. Everything inside her felt overcast like her body was a dead weight. She was just about to enter the shop for her morning paper and coffee when a squeal stopped her."Blake!" The shout forced her to stop as she saw the dark haired boy run across the road while Rosie shouted at him."Sorry." He called back as he walked over to Sian. "Hiya!" Blake said as he looked up at her through his eyelashes. She chuckled, he was already a little charmer."How are you doing little man?" She asked him with the best smile she could muster. She often saw the little bundle of energy running around the street but she was finding it hard look him in the eye. Although the little boy looked almost exactly like his dad, Blake had inherited his mothers eyes, orbs that were unfortunately exactly the same as his aunts."I'm fine. Although I didn't get much sleep." He said rather dramatically a trait that he had clearly learnt from his mother."Why's that? You eat too much cheese before bed?""No silly. Mummy and aunty Sophie hogged most of the bed last night. We stayed at nanny's and granddads. I might be little but I need my space." He may have said more but suddenly all sound drained out of Sian's world. All she could focus on was the fact Sophie had slept only a hundred feet from the blonde. Her eyes went wide as she scanned the parked cars until her eyes they fell upon Sophie's that was parked outside the Webster's house. "Sian?" It was only when she heard her name being called that she realised she was crossing the road. Blake was calling after her but she only had one destination. However the hand around her forearm stopped her and spun her around abruptly bringing her face to face with the culprit."Where are you going?" It was Rosie."Blake just said that Sophie was at your mums. Thought I'd stop by and say hello. I haven't seen her really since the wedding." Sian lied with a fake smile. Lying was almost as easy as breathing now, they poured out of her and the only person who could save her from drowning in them was the brunette inside that house."I know." There was something in Rosie's tone and she looked at the brunette with a frown."Okay then you won't mind if I go see her." Sian said pulling her arm out of Rosie's grip but the older woman was still staring at her intently."I know Sian." Just like that the tone and the staring all made perfect sense. The blondes throat went suddenly tight and when she swallowed it felt like razor blades going down."You know what?" Her voice was shaking slightly and she stumbled over her words a fresh panic going through her. But she was unsure if the fear was due to her affair coming out or from Rosie not permitting her to see Sophie."Mam!" The child's voice broke the tense moment and Sian let out a long breath she didn't realise she was holding."Blake go and get yourself a bag of crisps for school." Rosie said impatiently as she turned back to look at Sian with sharp eyes."I don't have any money." He called opened her mouth to speak and her shoulders lowered in defeat, that was until her gaze fell upon the adult also approaching the shop. "Oi Graeme!" She called out to the hat wearing male who turned around in confusion."Huh?""Can you take Blake in the shop and get him some crisps for his lunch. No damn chocolate." The little boys face fell noticeably and Sian saw Sophie in the action, how her expression would falter when Sian had to cancel plans but would try and cover it up with a smile."Er yeah. I've only got a fiver though.""Jesus they're like 50 pence Graeme!" The male shrugged before calling Blake to follow him. Rosie spun on her heels that look uncomfortable and Sian tried to brace herself. "Where were we. Oh yeah you screwing around behind your husbands back." Sian looked around panicking at Rosie's loud voice making sure no one was nearby."Bloody hell Rosie shout it from the roof tops why don't you." She shot back her arms defensively crossed over her chest."Ashamed are we?" The blonde looked down at her shoes kicking at a loose stone unable to find anything to say. "Cat got your skanky lying tongue.""I just want to see her." Sian looked up but Rosie's hard features didn't soften at Sian's gentle words."No Sian, no way." Sian knew Rosie wasn't someone to be crossed and her protective nature over Sophie was endearing and Sian knew she was only acting on what she thought her sisters best needs were. But Sian needed to see Sophie and knowing she was just behind that door was driving her crazy sending all rational thoughts running for the hills."Please Rosie. You don't understand." She tried to beg, her eye tickling with a need to cry."What I understand is that I had to practically carry my baby sister to bed last night. She's a mess and the only way you are seeing her is over my dead body. Do not make me channel my mothers inner street brawler." The worst part was that Sian considered it, she contemplated throwing away what little pride she clung to and setting her jaw she eyed the brunette day Sophie sighed as she looked up at the ceiling in the room that held her childhood. She was thankful for the few hours of solid sleep she had received, she looked over to see Rosie and Blake had gone and sighed. Sophie was use to simply laying awake at night wondering, if she would ever recover from her broken heart, she didn't know if she could love someone new with every piece of her shattered heart. She knew she was only young but some scars lasted a life time, some never disappear no matter much you tried to cover them or pretend they aren't there, they are rooted into the organ that gives you life and there is no escaping that. Maybe that was her punishment, what she deserved for her part in their she pushed the covers off, able to hear her sisters voice, Sophie tried to determine if it was coming from the house or outside. Getting up she opened the door and listened before sighing she pulled back her curtain. The sight stopped her heart mid beat; Rosie and wearing the clothes from the previous day Sophie ran down the stairs jumping down the last two. She had no doubt that she smelt stale and the desperation probably oozed out of her, with hair that fell messily from the bun she had slept in. She didn't care both females had seen her look worse and her appearance just mirrored how she felt inside, so it seemed appropriate. She wasn't sure if her speed was because of the way the two girls were squaring up or because she needed to see Sian. She knew that perhaps it would undo all the effort she had put in to trying to stay away, it might cause her to fall into the safest place she had ever known and beg Sian to leave him stripping away the only dignity she had. But what does dignity mean or anything else when your whole world was void of everything?"Rosie!" Sophie yelled pulling the front door open roughly. "Sophie!" She shouted back."Soph." Came the soft tone of Sian's voice and Sophie had to stop herself from smiling as she noticed the way Sian was looking at her. "Get indoors!" Rosie continued to yell."You can't-""Shut the door and get back inside that house before I make a complete and utter scene Sophie Webster!" She considered her sister's words and unfortunately knew that she meant them. So casting one look to Sian she swallowed hard and re-entered the house shutting the door before leaning her back against it. Seeing the blonde so close had felt amazing, it felt like happiness and love but at the same time it felt like pain and darkness. "Rosie you can't stop us seeing each other." Sian said her eyes still looking at the door able to see Sophie through the frosted glass. "You wanna bet. If you care about her at all you'll leave her alone Sian Connor." The use of her full name made all her thoughts stop and her body tensed and Rosie smirked knowing that she had won this battle. "Just go."Sian just stood there, her eyes travelling between Rosie and the Webster's front door. "I love her." It was little more than a whisper and for a split second the older girls face relaxed before snapping back. "It's not enough.""Mam!" Both girl's looked over to see Blake with a bar of chocolate smugly in his hands."What did I say?" She said through gritted teeth and Sian watched as she walked over to her son. For a brief moment the blonde considered just bolting across the street and banging on the door until she was face to face with the love of her life. But she heard Rosie's words in her head, telling her what a mess Sophie was and the guilt of that made her ache. So ignoring her need for the coffee she walked toward her own car, trying to fight back tears. Sian wondered if she was ever going to feel human again. She did love Sophie, she loved her more than anything else in the world so she kept her feet walking away, kept her head held low. It took all her strength not to look back at the Webster's house and slowly a single tear escaped her left eye. She didn't wipe it away instead let it slip down, what would be the point in brushing it away when more would soon follow. *****Sophie was sitting at the kitchen table with the cup of coffee clasped between her hands as she blew softly onto the hot liquid. The strong smell infiltrated her senses and for a moment it somehow clears her mind which she was thankful for. Both her parents have already departed and each gave her a questioning look before they left, yet neither asked about her presence. She loved that about her parents they had learnt the hard way not to be pushy and now they waited for their children to come to them. Although she could see the questions burning behind her mother's eyes and Sophie chuckled as Sally had to bite her lip. Taking a sip of coffee she allowed the hot drink to scald her throat, taking away the lasting taste of vodka that refused to disappear after she scrubbed her teeth and tongue. The front door opened and closed, and Sophie couldn't believe that she hoped it was her mother rather than Rosie. She knew they were going to have to talk, she had only allowed her sister half of the story and there was no way Rosie would let the other half go. "Oi scarlet woman are you in here?" Rosie. The youngest Webster rolled her eyes and at the same time was quite impressed with Rosie's literature reference. "There you are. Thought you might have scampered." "Nope. Still here." Sophie said as she watched her sister go to the kettle and pour herself a cup of tea before sitting next to her. They sat there in silence for a while. It was awkward as she waited for her sister to ask what was clearly on her mind. "Just spit it out." She said after waiting for Rosie to form the words that she was clearly having trouble with. "What the hell Sophie! What were you thinking?" The brunette frowned at her sisters over harsh and angry words. "I'm sorry, but I just don't understand I thought you were smarter than this.""I guess I'm not." She confessed burying her head in her hands, feeling the accusations from her sister like weights pushing down on her. Rosie rolled her eyes and sighed loudly. "Rosie I don't regret it. I feel horrible enough about it all but I'd do it all over again I would." Sophie said honestly trying to fight past the tightness in her chest. "Didn't you know what you were doing was so completely wrong?" Rosie accusedThe words kept playing over and over again in Sophie's mind. She knew the silence was there waiting for her to fill it with words, but she couldn't. Her throat had suddenly become tight and her mouth was dry so words did not leave her lips. Of course she knew it was wrong but having Sian in her arms with her lips upon her own felt entirely right. So instead of answer her mind flashed with an image that even after months on, she remembered so clearly.*****The bar was the other side of town and Sophie looked around the darkly lit room with a frown. Finally the bartender returned with two vodka lemonades and the brunette returned back to the table while her heart pounded uncontrollably in her chest. They had been at the bar for roughly an hour, exchanging pleasant conversation about the past 18 months of their lives, never meeting the unspoken topic of why they were really here. They ignored the way their hearts fluttered and the wanting they felt to touch each other. Taking the drinks with a smile she began to walk back to the table seeing Sian now had her phone placed against her ear. "No, I'm just going to be stuck here at work later than I thought…I'll try, yes…I'll call you when I've finished. I love you too." The blonde had not realised that Sophie was now standing behind her as she closed her phone with a sigh. She wished more than anything that the brunette had not heard the last part of their conversation."So I'm work now?" Sophie attempted to joke as she took her seat opposite her past lover. "No it's just…" Sian trailed off but Sophie knew the end of the sentence."He doesn't know you're here." The blonde ducked her head but nodded silently."Why?" It was a legitimate question but in the back of her mind Sophie knew this was about to open a can of worms, yet she couldn't stop herself and in truth she didn't want to."Because he wouldn't understand. With all our history he wouldn't be able to get his head around it that we're only friends." She explained and Sophie pursed her lips running a hand through her thick hair."And that's what we are, friends?" She knew that she was pushing it, and perhaps she should have just stopped but she was still hurting from seeing the blonde walk down that isle to someone who wasn't her."Do you not consider yourself my friend?" The hurt was evident not only in Sian's voice but it was also painted all over her face. "I haven't considered you my friend since I kissed you in my room when I was 15. You'll always be more than a friend. Always." It was the truth and Sophie saw no point in lying about it, Sian's eyes softened at her words before the older woman quickly looked away."Sophie…" She wanted to say something about how she was married now, they couldn't go down that road. Yet every instinct in her body told her to reach over and take Sophie's hand, to lift it to her lips and kiss each finger tip. She didn't. She kept her fingers clasped together on the table."What?" She prompted and Sian looked up into blue eyes, really looked deep into them and instantly found herself lost. The orbs held more years behind them but they were still the same, still shined in a way that made Sian thrive and she wondered how she had managed without them in her life. She knew that she should look away in fear that she would drown in those eyes but she didn't, couldn't."Why did you come back?" It was a stupid question one that she wanted to hear the answer to more than she wanted to take her next breath but she knew the answer could completely and utterly wreck her."You know why." "Do I?" She challenged."I came back for you." Simply."On my wedding day." "Well in my defence I'd only found out you were getting married a few days before." She knew that she'd been selfish turning up to Sian and Ryan's wedding, however when it came to the love of your life nothing is more true than the old saying 'all's fair in love and war.'"And you couldn't have phoned or e-mailed? I heard nothing from you." Sian was angry now her voice was becoming fiery and Sophie felt her heart pick up pace with desire. It excited her seeing that fire in the blonde's eyes, it was one of the things she loved most about Sian. She recalled previous arguments in their youth and how Sian's anger would quickly transform into passion and her lips would be on Sophie's and her fingers would be pushed between her legs. The image made her core ache. "I tried to call so many times, in fact I did a handful of times but you'd answer and then I couldn't speak and I'd just hang up. I was a coward but so were you." Sophie accused and she couldn't help but enjoy the way Sian's eyes flared."Me a coward? How do you work that one out?""You were too scared to forget everything and come away with me. We would still be together now, we'd be the ones who were married." It was a bold statement and Sophie believed every word of it."You don't know that." She said quietly because Sian didn't want to think about it, she couldn't admit to herself that she'd made a mistake marrying Ryan, they hadn't even been married a month yet. "I do. We would have gone over there and I would have loved you every day. And I would have proposed in some stupid over the top completely sickly romantic way-""And I would have said yes because I couldn't love anyone the way I loved you.""Loved?" Sophie picked up on the one word that felt like a bullet to her chest."I married Ryan. When you left I thought I was going to die but he put up with me and he put me back together. There were still pieces missing and some parts didn't fit as perfectly but he didn't leave." Sian said and at the end her voice cracked with emotion and before Sophie could stop herself she reached out and placed her hand over Sian's squeezing it tightly. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She whispered to the blonde as though it was a little mantra. Sophie's fingers ran over the cool metal of Sian's wedding rings and it took everything not to start crying. It really was over now and the realisation caused her heart to shatter. She couldn't help but think that there should be a sound that accompanied the breaking in her chest a gong or the sound of a plate smashing. Tangible proof that something unfixable had occurred. "No I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come." Sophie wanted to argue but she knew Sian was right, nothing good could have come out of them meeting up, closure was impossible and so this was only causing them both unneeded pain. But at least the pain reminded her that she wasn't entirely empty of life."I know, let's go I'll call you a taxi." It was the least she could do after she had caused them into this conflict. And although every part of her wanted to cling to the blonde and never let her go, she wanted Sian to be happy and if that was with Ryan then so be it. She never wanted to be the one to cause Sian any hurt, not any more. So she would be an adult and swallow down all her feelings. Standing they left their untouched drinks on the table and exited the bar. Once outside Sophie pulled out her phone and rang a random taxi firm, not the one still owned by Steve it was too much of a risk. After making the call she pulled out a cigarette and popped it between her lips. Sian, who was leaning against the wall looked over to her with a frown. "You smoke?""A bad habit I picked up while I was away." Sophie explained."I don't like it." The blonde stated and Sophie didn't realise at the time as she lit it but that would be last cigarette she smoked."You're taxi will be here in about 15 minutes, so you'll have to put up with me till then." Sophie had booked one for herself to come in half hour, that way she would get to spend this extra time with blonde. The thought that she might not see her again made her heart hiccup. "It's not a chore. I've missed you." Sian said honestly as she looked up to look at Sophie."I missed you too." She puffed out a ball of smoke and Sian waved her hand to disperse it. Sophie sighed lightly before putting the cigarette on the ground and snubbing it out with her shoe. "Happy?""Ecstatic." She replied sarcastically."Still a smart ass." Sophie noted."It was always part of my charm." She chuckled and Sophie thought it sounded like perfection. It amazed the brunette to think no more than five minutes ago they had been arguing and now they were falling back into their old playful banter. "I wish everyday I stayed." Sophie said after a few moments of comfortable silence."Me too. Even now." The brunette looked up and moved a step closer against the wall to Sian, their arms were now brushed against each other and Sian subconsciously held her breath. "I wish I'd made you stay." Sian turned her head to look at Sophie again."I wish I'd never gone." Sophie counter argued as she found herself lost in those pale blue eyes."I wish…" She started but didn't finish the sentence utterly lost in Sophie's eyes. Sian knew that she should move but she could feel Sophie's warm breath on her face and knew any attempts to vacate the space would be useless. Her legs refused to work and every part of her was screaming to close the distance. Only the small section of her heart that remained grateful to Ryan stayed as if they weren't moving at all they finally leaned in ever so softly. The first initial contact of their lips was more of a brush than that of an actual kiss, testing the waters. Sian noted that despite the faint taste of alcohol and smoke Sophie still tasted as sweet as she remembered. Sophie's hand's rested on Sian's slim waist as the blondes settled on Sophie's blushed cheeks, feeling brave the blonde pulled the other girls face in closed and felt the arms on her waist snake around her back. Sophie wanted to deepen the kiss but kept it chaste until the blonde took the step and swept her tongue across the brunette's lower lip, seeking entrance. Sophie replied with enthusiasm as she pulled the girl closer as she accepted the girls tongue into her mouth connecting it with her own. When Sian pulled away breathlessly a few moments later they rested their foreheads together just staring into each other eyes. "I shouldn't do this." Sian breathed out."I know." So they agreed what they were doing was wrong, right there. But it didn't stop the blonde from leaning in again and captures the brunette's lip between her teeth as they again got lost in a kiss that was new and yet on so familiar. Sian's mind went blank as Sophie's teeth and tongue grazed that part of her neck that only the brunette knew about and she had to stop her knee's from buckling. *****And that's how it had happened, all that time ago. It left like another life time ago and she wished that she could just sit in her parents kitchen and relive the event over and over in her mind. The memory was still as vibrant as the night it had occurred and it only caused a light warmness to seep through every inch of her. She could recall every single detail and it was beautiful. But that didn't take away how wrong it was. How could something feel so complete and not be right? Sophie had always prided herself on being a good and honest person and now she felt it all slipping through her fingers, she was becoming the person she warned her friends about. Rosie just sat there watching her thoughtfully and Sophie was thankful that her sister had not bombarded her with more questions about Sian. …Just thinking of the girls name, her mind flashed with stolen kisses and heated exchanges from the past months and her stomach dropped. Sian reminded her of being on a rollercoaster, when you're waiting at the top before you come crashing down and you're stomach flips because you know what's coming but you don't know when. And now Sophie wanted the feeling to go away. She was married to Ryan! Not Sophie. She had picked Ryan and she had ended it. It was over. Her mind was stilled when she felt Rosie's hand squeeze her own and she offered her a wide grin."I always thought it would be you two." Sophie frowned at her sisters sudden words. "You and Sian getting married, having a family you know.""Me too." She said sadly as she lost herself in thoughts of a future she had planned with blonde. *****Sian walked into the Rovers and scanned about until her eyes landed upon Katy who waved and elbowed Chesney to move to allow the blonde in. The man rolled his eyes but did as he was told. "Okay don't tell me how bad I look because my poor little heart cannot take it." Sian said as she hugged Chesney before slouching in beside his wife. It had been a long day and Sian's appearance had only suffered as the day had progressed. Her make up had only been minimal that morning and her hair was now pulled back into a sloppy bun."I wasn't gonna say that, I was going to say that you looked really good today." Katy said as she took an innocent sip of her drink pushing forward a full glass to Sian that had been purchased for her arrival. The tired blonde sat upright in her seat with a shocked expression. "Really?""No. I was gonna say you look like crap, but you told me not to." Sian frowned at her but could not prevent the laugh that left her mouth. It felt like such a feign past time that it surprised her that she even remembered how to laugh, it felt good, reminding herself that she was still alive and not yet dead. Work had felt never ending and it only took her mind off Sophie for short moment's in time but eventually it always drifted back to the brunette and it became to exhausting to try and avoid these thoughts. "Well, girl's I better go get back to relieve Fizz of baby duty. I won't interrupt girls night." Chesney said drinking the last of his beverage."Aww how is baby Jackers?" Sian cooed, feeling guilty that she hadn't seen the little boy recently, her whole life seemed to have been put on hold the last few months. Although she did feel guilty it was only a sliver because those moments had been spent with Sophie; and she could not and would not regret those times. "The devil's child is fine." He sighed and earned himself a stern look from his brunette wife. "He doesn't understand what sleeping is and his daddy is quickly forgetting what it is himself." "It get's better." Sian offered with a shrug at his over dramatic response."When? When does it get better?" He begged and Katy laughed shaking her head."When he does to university." And the blonde couldn't help but laugh as she saw his face fall from the hope it had only held a moment ago."That's 17 years away." He screwed up his face, thinking about it."What? I didn't say it would be anytime soon." The girls laughed at the disappointment on the young man's face."As much as I am loving hearing about how great my life is going to be I better go. See ya at home babe, have a good night girls." Leaning down he gave his wife and chaste kiss before leaving the bar and Sian watched him. They were the perfect couple, they had experienced their ups and downs but had somehow made it out the other end happier. She envied them in their perfect wedding bliss. With a sudden realisation she reached into her bag and pulled out the little box of pills before slipping one in her mouth and washing it down with her drink. She mentally reminded herself to take her contraceptive pill before going to bed."Pill popping now?" Katy joked."No I've got a stupid infection I can't shake." Sian explained as she placed her glass back down on the table. She then felt her phone vibrate in her pocket and she quickly whipped it out to see the text message she'd received, however her heart dropped when she saw it was not from Sophie it had been foolish to even get her hopes up. She looked at the text from Ryan and sighed: 'I miss you.' Four month ago that would have made her heart swoon but now it simply caused it to tighten."Who loves you?" Her friend asked and Sian shook her head."Just Ryan.""Just your husband." The brunette laughed. "So what is he doing this evening?""Band practice." Sian said while rolling her eyes. "I'm sure he still thinks he's 17 playing at the youth centre.""We all have our dreams. I still sing in the shower and pretend that my shampoo bottle is Brit award. You should hear my speech, it's moving." The duo giggled and Sian was silently thankful for her friend, if only for those few seconds of pure laughter, it was enough to lift her heart. "So what's been going on?" Just like that her heart crashed to the ground and splinted again. It didn't hurt as much now she was getting use to pain."Nothing ,everything's fine.""You look like shit.""Thanks.""Well you do. You've been like a zombie for the last two weeks and it's freaking me out and also…" She trailed off and Sian noticed that she refused to meet her eye."What?""I heard you had a row with Rosie this morning in the street." "Damn place, everyone knows everything." Sian muttered."Look I'm just going to come out and ask and if I'm out of line just say but are you having it away with Jason because I know that Rosie has been-""What?" Sian cried out and a few people looked over at shocked outburst."I won't judge you but I-""No, God. No I'm not sleeping with Jason. Jesus why would you think that!""Well it's a logical assumption. You've been a mess recently, Rosie has been staying at home and then I hear you two were rowing this morning. Although Norris wasn't sure what about, so I filled in the blanks. You're sure?" Katy stated rather matter-of-factly as though it made the most sense in the world. "I think I'd know if I was sleeping with Jason." Sian "Okay then what's going on?" Sian should have seen that coming. She considered lying to her friend, pretending behind her fake smile. Her face actually started to hurt from pretending to be happy all the time."I'm fine." Her attempt was pathetic. "Try again." Katy pointed with narrowed eyes and Sian knew it was useless to argue. She looked around the pub to make sure that everyone was enjoying their own conversations, she definitely did not want to be the next gossip on the street."It's complicated." Sian started, she knew it was a cliché answer the instant it left her mouth."It always is, that's just the way it goes." Katy sang to lighten the mood however on seeing Sian's face she grimaced before muttering, "sorry. Well if you're not having an affair it can't be that bad can it?" Katy offered and Sian's eyes shot up at Katy's words and the brunette stared at her with a creased brow. "Unless…are you having an affair?" She asked quietly leaning in across the table. "Sian?" She prompted when the blonde hadn't spoken. "Are you?"Sian couldn't speak her mouth had become dry and she suddenly wished she had gone home to her empty apartment instead of coming to the pub. Silently she nodded her eyes watering as Katy's mouth fell open a little and the blonde felt some weight disappear from her shoulders. The burden had felt like it was crushing her recently as she retracted further and further into herself. The only person she could talk to had been Sophie and the brunette had been unreachable against her best efforts, it felt good to have someone to talk to. Although the shocked expression on Katy's face made her stomach flip with dread and apprehension. "Say something."The younger girl cleared her throat. "Erm…who, who is it?"Sian debated lying again not wanting it to get out, she didn't want anyone to think badly of Sophie. She would take all the harsh words and angry looks but she would not have anyone think different of Sophie Webster. She bit the corner of her lip before sighing feeling the penetrating graze from her friend. "Sophie.""Sophie Webster?" She hissed out lowly, knowing not to raise her voice, Sian nodded. "Are you serious? What are you doing?""You're fine with me playing away with Jason but not Sophie?" She asked confused by her friends change in demeanour."Well I wouldn't use the word 'fine' but I remember what you were like when she left. And I gotta be honest when you saw her when you walked down that isle I thought you were gonna call the whole thing off." Katy told her friend with soft eyes. "To be fair so did I." Sian replied sadly, truth was more than anything she wished she had. "How long has this been going on? Are you going to leave Ryan? Is that what was going on this morning with Rosie?" Sian blinked at the quick fired questioned as she played them over in her brain. "It began when I got back from my honeymoon." She heard Katy gasp but she didn't interrupt. "I don't know if I'm going to leave Ryan all I know is I owe him for being there for me. I'm not in love with him, I don't think I ever was. I confused gratitude with love." Sian spoke but it was more to herself as she allowed herself to say the words that had been running through her mind. "What was the last thing you asked?" "Rosie, this morning.""Yeah…Sophie ended it like two weeks ago, she was at her mum's last night. Rosie was stopping me from banging the door down until she agreed to see me." The thought that she had been that close to Sophie made her heart ache. She wanted to see the brunette more than anything else, there was so much she wanted to say, although she knew there was no point. As much as she wanted to give Sophie everything she needed she knew she couldn't she didn't deserve the brunette. Sophie had broken her heart leaving but what she had put her first love through was so much worse. "Wow, I don't know what to say. How have you kept this to yourself, why didn't you tell me?""I honestly didn't know what to say.""It explains a lot, why you've been such a wreck recently and why you were so happy before I guess. I thought that was just your married life glow." Sian felt instant guilt at her friends words, this should have been the honeymoon period of her marriage, where they couldn't get enough of each other. Now all she wanted was Sophie."I love her." Sian whispered and Katy reached out and placed her hand over her friends, rubbing the back of Sian's hand with her thumb. "Sian, what are you going to do?" She asked but the older woman just shrugged quickly wiping at her eyes to prevent any tears from falling. "Do you want to crash at mine tonight? We can talk properly." Katy offered and Sian slowly nodded. She needed this, she needed a friend to confide in and ease some of the strain on her heart. "We'll send Ches to bed.""Okay well I'll just pop home quickly and grab a few things and meet you there." "Alright. I'm glad you told me. You shouldn't have to deal with this on your own." Katy squeezed Sian's hand to reinforce her words."I know but I couldn't stand for you to look at me differently." Sian told her honestly."I wouldn't. Ever. You're my best friend. If I murdered somebody you'd be the first person I called to help me." The blonde chuckled."I'd be happy to help.""Good. Now go get your stuff and I'll see you at mine in a little while." The blonde nodded as she slipped out of the booth and headed for the exit. She couldn't stop herself from reaching into her pocket and checking her phone. Hoping that Sophie might of text, thoughts of the brunette did not seem to leave her. She silently awaited a text or a phone call from the girl, just so she knew that Sophie was thinking of her. But no communication had occurred, the last text remained from Ryan and it just confirmed to the blonde that she was not on her ex-lovers mind*****Sophie had been unusually quiet all day. Blake had returned home from school and they had sat in silence while watching TV, gently he had put his head in her lap and she'd idly ran her fingers through his hair. It was only a small gesture but the beauty of it had almost broken what was left of her parents still hadn't asked about their youngest daughters appearance. They just seemed content to have both their children under one roof along with their grandchild. Sophie offended to get chips for their family meal and although they all offered to accompany her she declined. She wanted an opportunity to be alone just to walk in the cool evening air and just to get lost in her own thoughts and was so lost in thoughts that she completely collided with a tiny body as she exited the chip shop. She almost dropped the bag she was holding and fumbled quickly to catch them."Ooo sorry." The person said and Sophie looked up to see Tina and she pulled her lips into a small fake smile."Ah, that's alright. It was my fault I wasn't paying attention.""You alright there you little ray of sunshine?" Sophie let out a false laugh and nodded. "Why so blue, had a row with the other half?" Sophie wasn't sure if maybe her mother had been talking about her and Ellie or if it was random assumption."Um no, no we're fine." The question had thrown her a little and brought an image of the beautiful P.E teacher to her mind. But the image didn't make her happy, it didn't make her face light up."Then what's with the face?" Tina pressed as they stood outside the shop and Sophie wondered how she could make a break for it. "It's complicated." Sophie sighed, thinking that the word complicated was not enough to describe it."Why?" The teacher clutched the chips to her chest while arguing with herself about how to answer this question. She didn't want to let out too much information but keeping it inside was driving her crazy."Have you ever…known someone, and you just fit?" She realised how vague her response sounded but she was having difficulty expressing her emotions."Fit?" Sophie could see the woman look at her with a frown on her face."Like…you laugh at the same things, cry at the same things. If you have a problem they are the first one you want to call, because you know they are not only going to understand but they are going to soothe out everything." Tina watched as Sophie began to stare off into space with a goofy grin on her face. She remembered that feeling and she envied the young girl for possessing it."Sounds like you have it bad, why is this complicated. It's a good thing if you feel like that for this new chick." The woman witnessed Sophie's face change in a second and frowned at the transformation."It's not." She young girl said in a quiet voice."Not what?""It's not with the new girl.""Oh I see the complication. Okay, well have you told this other person how you feel?" Sophie pushed the smile away from her lips and hung her head."Yeah and I'm pretty sure they feel the same. I least I hope they do." Although she had known Tina since her teens she still found it odd that she was standing here spilling this all out to the girl, even if she hadn't mentioned any names, it was still dangerous. "It's becoming less confusing again, so just tell the person you're seeing it's over and get with this new one.""They're married." Sophie said in a hushed voice and Tina could not hear and she leaned closer to the young woman."What?""They're married. The person I want is married." She said slightly louder, Sophie could not believe that she was admitting this. The barmaid finally heard the words, and a surprised expression appeared over her features."Right…yeah." Tina mumbled, clearly unable to think of something to say."No more advance?" Sophie could not help but grin at the woman's expression."Nope, all gone. I got nothing.""Makes two of us." She said quietly and unexpectedly she felt the older woman pull her into a hug. Sophie wanted to collapse into the embrace but she used all her energy to stay strong."If it was easy it wouldn't be worth it." Tina whispered into her ear. And Sophie bit down hard on her bottom lip to distract herself from the heat behind her eyes. The younger girl pulled back abruptly and smiled thankfully at the the woman. As a youngest she had hated living on this street sometimes, the gossip, the dirty looks but at that moment she wouldn't want to have lived anywhere else."Thanks I should get these home." Sophie gestured with the chips and Tina nodded her understanding."Okay. If you ever need to talk.""I know where you are thanks." Sophie said as she began to walk off. She was just about to cross the road when she heard the deep, quiet sob, she stopped and looked into the dark night to her right. She saw the blonde who was haunting her sitting on the bench from there teens and she stood lost on what to knew she should go up to Katy's but she couldn't move from the spot. This spot held so much to her childhood and she relished in the memories of her and Sophie. She sat ignoring her pale and tear soaked face. Her mascara had cascaded down her cheeks but she made no attempt to wipe it away or clean herself up, there was no point. Her face and the persona she projected onto the world was a mess just like her insides at that moment. If she attempted to clean herself up it would be a lie, pretending to be fine when she wasn't and there would be no more lying. The night was like a blanket hiding her from the world to allow her these few seconds to let it all out. The pain and agony surging through her body was like nothing she had ever known or experienced, she was on edge, hanging on by a thread. Time was travelling slowly, every second that past felt like a year and she was falling deeper and deeper into her own mind of 'what if's'. Her life had been all about Sophie and now she was empty and felt the presence beside her and the hand on her knee as the person attempted to offer her comfort. She looked up expecting to see Katy but instead gazed up to see those blue eyes that she knew better than her own soul. On seeing those crystal orbs her heart started to beat quickly as the nerves started to seep into her system. It was one thing trying to decide what she wanted to say to Sophie, it was a different matter attempting to say them right now to her face. She had known since her and Sophie's lips had first connected only month's previously that someone was going to get hurt, and yet she hadn't pulled away but the reality had started to skin in. They had been sitting in silence for over five minutes, neither wanting to interrupt this moment between them, this accident by the fates that had them led them here."I thought growing up was meant to get easier." She said more to herself but she felt the brunette relax slightly but Sophie was still sitting straight."I think that's what they want us to believe. When I was 12 I couldn't wait to be an adult. Right now I'd give anything to be 12." Sophie exhaled a puff of air and she could see it against the cool evening."I'd be happy with 16." Sian answered honestly as she looked over to Sophie who was still staring forward. They both realised the implications of her sentence. Sian sniffled and Sophie had to keep her eyes anywhere but to her right, she couldn't look at the blonde. She couldn't afford to look into those pale blue eyes and get lost right now. They were over and as much as she wished everything could be different, that they could be together, they weren't and they couldn't. "I should get home. They'll be sending out a search party for me soon.""Maybe I'll see you soon?" Sian spoke, although she knew the answer. They were star crossed, meeting at this second only to part again. There was so much that needed to be said but it was too much. The question took down the last wall protect Sophie's heart and she could not sit in Sian's company any longer. She could not bring herself to mutter words of goodbye, for fear that word's that had been unspoken would fall instead. As an alternative she quickly stood and began to walk back towards her childhood home but as she crossed the road the tears began to spill down her cheeks freely, as she felt a pain unlike anything she ever thought imaginable. Unbeknown to her on the side of the street a blonde let silent tears fall from her pale orbs.**


	5. Chapter 5

Sian sat in the quiet room at the back of the court going over her notes, other people were talking but she was letting their words simply drift over her. She had enough buzzing around her mind and could not possibly fit anything else in, Sophie was consuming her entirety. She could not focus and the problem was Sian couldn't muster the strength to care. She looked over to her tutor and nodded as though she had been listening to what had been said. It was all on her shoulders today and she couldn't feel guilty because the tank inside of her was already full and bubbling over. This was the biggest day of her career, after today she had completed her pupillage and had already been taken on by the chambers. It should have filled her with so much joy because she had worked so hard for this. The truth was it brushed past her the happiness of it all but it didn't touch her. Sian had so many conflicting emotions in her body and had completely no idea which ones to listen to, as they battled to be heard. The one emotion that shined through all the others was her sadness and the fact that she missed Sophie terribly, so deeply that it burned through to her core. Sophie was like a drug to her, she needed her to survive and having to go cold turkey only caused more hidden damage, more than she would have expected. Knowing that she had caused this pain only made the throbbing intensify. There was not a day, an hour or a second that passed that thoughts, of Sophie didn't come back to her. The look of aching on her ex girlfriend's face from the night they parted caused her heart to rip over and over again as she remembered stomach churned again as it had been doing all week. She sat still for a moment hoping for the sickness to pass. It felt like she had only just gotten rid of her throat infection and here she was struck down again with a bug. Her body was slowly giving up on her and she wasn't shocked. Sian wanted to just get up and walk out of the room but she knew she was needed here and suddenly an image of Sophie popped into her head. It had been the brunette who had pushed her when she was flailing, it was Sophie who had sat up until late in the night helping her with work and essays. Sophie had put up with Sian's moods while trying to knock out her dissertation, she had stood beside Sian when she graduated and Sophie had loved her through every second of it. With that in mind Sian set her jaw ignoring the uneasiness and knew what she had to had always believed that 'the one' and 'your soul mate' were the two different people, but she had just recently; as in last few months, decided that this was not the case for her. 'The one' was the person that you see yourself being with in the future and who you see yourself growing old beside and waking up with them every morning. But a 'soul mate'? To her this was finding someone who is completely irreplaceable in your life, who makes all the difference, your soul mate is the person who you run to when your entire world is falling apart. However Sian had discovered that 'The one' and 'her soul mate' were wrapped up in the same person. It was Sophie. It would have been easier for her if 'the one' and her 'soul mate' were two separate people because maybe Ryan could have been one of them and that might have been enough. "You ready?" Greg said over to her and Sian looked at him and blinked fighting the need to run to the toilet and bring up her breakfast. "Yes." She said with a certain nod and an image of a smiling Sophie propped itself up in her mind and Sian knew she could do it. With thoughts of Sophie accompanying her Sian thought she could do anything. *****It had been three months since Sophie had sat next to Sian on the bench, three months and she still ached constantly. Going to work, coming home, sleeping, eating her life was a routine and that's how she kept herself focused. She planned for every hour of her life so that she was never sat alone with her thoughts of the blonde. Otherwise she would find herself wondering what Sian was doing, if she was at work, if Ryan was with her, if the male was touching her. The only light that she found in the darkness of her life at the moment where her times spent with Ellie. The girl had been her life line and she didn't even know it, she didn't know how Sophie was hanging on by a thread. Ellie had already confessed to Sophie that she loved her and although she hadn't be able to say it back the teacher had only smiled and told her not to rush it. She was hoping that eventually she'd be able to say it, if given enough time the words of love would tumble from her mouth and she'd mean it. Perhaps Ellie didn't make her feel like Sian did, she didn't set her soul alight but Ellie didn't make Sophie hurt and maybe that was the point. Ellie was the healthy choice for both her heart and her sanity, Ellie was the right choice for her. But it didn't change the fact that Sian haunted her thoughts daily and nightly. Why was it that your body always seemed to crave what wasn't good for it. She contemplated this as she stood on the corner of the street waiting for Ellie to park the car. Damn Sian Powers (because she would never be Conner.) "What's a girl like you doing in a place like this?" Ellie joked into Sophie's ear and the brunette chuckled."Waiting for my lovely date, you haven't seen her wandering around have you?" She laughed at Ellie's faked pained expression. "So where are we going?" Sophie said as they began to walk down the street. Ellie reached down and laced her fingers with Sophie's. It had become a common gesture but it didn't change the fact it felt unusual, her hand was bigger than Sian's. "Don't you remember? You and me…" Ellie enquired clearly hoping that her tone would trigger something in the brunette's mind."Sorry no…oh was that the night when you tripped over that kerb and went flying." Sophie chuckled thinking about the incident as she played it in her head."No, but thanks for bringing that up. Come on…our first date…" She trailed off and Sophie frowned."I'm drawing a blank, you want to go over there to eat?" Spencer continued the joke as she pointed to a chip shop and then saw Ellie's face drop and she could not keep it up any longer. "I'm kidding." The shorter girl checked to see that they were alone on the street before leaning over and kissing Ellie's lips savouring their sweet taste of her lip balm. After pulling back she licked her lips, the taste was artificial not natural like Sian's. "We went to dinner at the restaurant down there and that was how the night ended.""Yeah, you had me, I thought you'd forgotten already." Ellie said as she tugged on Sophie's hand leading them to the scene of their first date. Ellie squeezed Sophie's hand tenderly but the brunette instantly felt weird. However it felt good, the delicate texture of Ellie's skin against her own made her smile, it was little gestures like this that made her hope to love Ellie. "So…""So…" Copying Ellie's attempt to start a conversation, they continued to walk, although the evening was slightly cold Sophie felt a pleasant warmth that made her smile, the happy feeling only increased when Ellie's thumb trace her finger over Sophie's hand."You make me smile." Ellie confessed to the girl."That's understandable." The P.E teacher whipped her hands away. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding." Sophie laughed."No, you have lost the privilege of my hand, I'm taking it back." Sophie looked at her dramatically shocked."Would this help?" The English teacher leaned over and kissed Ellie softly on the cheek."A little.""How about this?" This time she caught the corner of the girls lips."Hmmm." Sophie put a determined smirk on her face as she brought Ellie's chin down to kiss her this time with more enthusiasm waiting for the girl to part her lips and when she did Sophie slipped her tongue in to touch her own with Ellie's. eventually Sophie pulled back. "Okay, you can have my hand back, but you are on probation." The pair chuckled as they approached the restaurant and Ellie held the door open for her date. "After you.""Why thank you." And this was why Ellie was her only light, because Ellie was easy, it was different, they didn't have to sneak around; they could just be.*****"Are you sure about this because I'm sure we could just get a taxi and go somewhere else." Sophie said with a hint of fear and Ellie looked at her from the corner of her eye. "No I want to see where you grew up." Sophie sighed at Ellie who only smirked."Just so you know I'm not happy with this.""You're protests have been noted and they are being ignored. Anyway before you rudely interrupted it was my question now." They had got a taxi from the restaurant a fair walk from the Rovers which was their second destination for the evening. Sophie felt nervous being this close to where Sian and Ryan lived but when Ellie had asked so sweetly she had been unable to refuse. Although she hoped that her parents were not in the pub that evening she couldn't handle their onslaught of questions. "It is indeed, and make it a good one because you suck at this." Sophie laughed as she felt the teacher bump her hip. "Hey!" She protested as she lost a balance and stumbled. They giggled, the brunette felt an excitement run through her body and it made her nervous."Umm…Ever had a broken heart?" She asked, as the full moon caught her eyes and Sophie, thought she had never seen Ellie look so beautiful. She prayed to love this girl."Nice easy question there Ells."She shrugged with a smile. "Well you didn't ask for easy, you mock my questions and now you can't handle them.""I can handle anything you throw at me I'll have you know.""Is that a fact?" There was a sly smile on her face, and Sophie put her face down to hide the blush that was creeping to her cheeks. "So…" The simple word brought Sophie back to reality and she cleared her throat."Yeah once." She stated quietly as she looked out onto the streets that she had grown up on as the events of her and Sian raced quickly through her mind, mocking her with their happiness of youth."What happened? I mean if you don't mind me asking." Ellie added the last part quickly not wanting to seem like she was pushing."Hey, I thought it was my question now, that's two you have just asked. If I answer then I get two.""Deal.""Um, it was the first girl that I um…" Sophie started slowly, realising how hard it was to still talk about."Ever dated?" The other woman chipped in realising the girl was already having trouble recounting the story."Ever anything. It was like my life was this jigsaw puzzle and there was a piece in the middle missing so you couldn't make out what the picture was. And then I met her and suddenly the picture was complete. That doesn't make any sense does it?" She sighed with a half smile."It does, to me anyway, so if it is complete gibberish at least we understand it." Ellie ran her hand down Sophie's arm and it caused goose bumps to rise on her skin, it was not unnoticed. "You cold?" She asked as she ran her hands up and down Sophie's arms in an attempt to warm her up."Actually I'm surprisingly hot." The brunette responded and continued to walk onwards. "So what happened?" Ellie asked as she caught up with the girl."I fell in love with her so hard and fast, never felt anything like it. But I wanted to travel and she had her own life here so I left for the states without her. I thought she didn't love me enough." Sophie kicked the cobbles with her feet. "I just walked away. I know that sounds so stupid and immature. Broke my own heart I guess.""I understand." The teacher interjected."You image this person to be perfect and then when it all gets heavy they aren't the person you wanted them to be." Sophie's voice was quiet. Her heart felt like it was tight in her chest as she recalled her previous relationship. The support she needed came in shape of a hand taking hers and interlocking their fingers. Ellie smiled at her gently and it sent a warmth through Sophie's body. They continued to walk for a little while before the youngest Webster spoke again. "So how about you? Your heart ever been broken?""What you can't even think of your own questions now you have to steal mine?" Sophie was the one to take her hand from Ellie this time and swatted her bare arm. She let her hand fall by her side hoping that Ellie would take it again. "I have just once, I loved this girl to death, thought she was everything to me, and she cheated on me. Completely destroyed me. Think that's the only time, oh there might be a little heart ache in the future but I don't know, that's another story." Ellie winked at her and Sophie laughed. Although for a split second she saw a glimpse of fear on her date's face but Sophie couldn't be sure."Okay so my second question erm…when was the last time you pulled a sickie?""And you said I sucked at this game. Well, I'm quite a nerd really, I'm too honest." She laughed and Sophie imagined the girl in glasses hunched over her desk marking her GCSE homework. "But it was probably a couple of months ago when you were off. It's silly really, but I missed you and I didn't see you for ages and I just felt a little bit rubbish. I didn't fancy going into work knowing you wouldn't be there." Sophie didn't wait for Ellie to interlock their fingers again and instead did it herself, feeling brave and bold. The action earned a genuine wide smile from her date."I've had a really good time tonight, dinner was lovely but this walk…" Sophie trailed off as she stopped walking causing the girl beside her to come to a halt as well. Ellie looked deep into Sophie's eyes and the brunette looked away feeling bashful.. Ellie reached forward and hooked her index finger in the belt loop of Sophie's skirt and pulling her forward. The P.E teacher instinctively licked her lips at what was happening, her eyes shifted between beautiful pink lips and dazzling blue eyes. Sophie's mind went all fuzzy and for the first time in a while her mind started to go blank, it was peaceful. Their soft lips met in a tender kiss, with Ellie's hand positioned on her waist, Sophie was so lost in the moment her arms still hung by her side. The kiss stayed chaste for a few seconds until Ellie opened her mouth and ran her tongue softly along Sophie's lower lip. At this action the brunette put her hands up to Ellie's cheeks trying to inform the girl she did not want the kiss to end. Sophie felt the other woman smile into the kiss and Sophie parted her lips a little more to allow the teacher's tongue to enter her mouth and connect with her own. It only last for a few minutes but it made Sophie's knees weak and her head spin. She tried not to compare it with Sian's because it would have taken away the moment that was passing between them, however even she couldn't ignore the lack of desire she was feeling; she hated herself. Her body was reacting to the kiss but her heart was telling her not to believe it. As Sophie pulled away a smile was attached to her face and Ellie grinned just as hard back. This was how it was meant be, but why didn't it feel right?"Was that to try and convince me to go home with you right now so you don't have to take me to this pub?" Ellie asked with a chuckle."Did it work?" Sophie asked."Nope. Not one little bit." Sophie was momentarily distracted when she saw the workers lot across the street, her heart stopped, and couldn't help but be concerned that it was not going to start again. Too many memories came flooding back to her and it was so much for her mind to take in all at once. That enclosed space held so many memories of herself and Sian, like it was preserving them so the recollections remained untouched by time. The kisses, the fights, the flirting, the hiding out, the secrets, the love; their first time. Maybe it wasn't the most glamorous of settings, but it had been perfect, everything she had wanted her first time to be. Slow, tender and beautiful. They couldn't have exactly done it in her house and Sian had not been living with her father at the time. Although she remembered it all with vivid detail two things stuck out more clear than anything else. How Sian hovering over her as she gently pushed her fingers inside of the brunette, resting on her elbows she had swept Sophie's fringe out of her eyes and asked if she was okay. It had meant so much that for a brief second Sophie had wanted to cry with happiness. The second memory of that night was walking out, Sian held the grate door open for her before wrapping her arms around the brunettes tiny waist from behind and burying her face in Sophie's neck. She whispered 'I love you' and Sophie had known then they were meant to be. It had been one of the happiest times of her life. She wondered how the memory of it could cause her so much pain and she had to use strength she didn't know she possessed not to cry. "Soph?""Huh?""You kinda zoned out on me there, where'd you go?" Ellie asked with an amused smirk. Sophie looked at Ellie, and knew right then that no matter how good Ellie made her feel, it was never going to compare with what she had with Sian. And maybe she couldn't love Ellie as she much she loved Sophie but she cared about Ellie as much as she could. But she knew right then that it wasn't enough. Ellie deserved better. But Sophie was selfish so she smiled widely and soldiered on; she was disgusted with herself "Sorry, I'm here. This road in front of us is Coronation street. The place of my boring childhood." Sophie would never have called her time here boring but she had yet to tell Ellie about the youth years in any detail and had no desire to go into it now. They continued forward and Sophie saw the Rovers getting closer."My dad use to own that garage over there, and my mum works in that factory, although she's counting down the days until she can retire. My sister works there as well.""Oh this is like a proper tour." Ellie said excitedly. "Well I never do anything by halves." Sophie cooed and Ellie smirked."I hope not." There was a twinkle in her eye and Sophie felt her stomach drop at the assumption. Even though Ellie had confessed to loving her they had yet to sleep together and although Ellie hadn't pushed her she knew her date was beginning to get frustrated. "Anyway…You see that tram up there?" Sophie pointed out wanting to distract the girl quickly, she was greeted with a firm nod. "Well when I was 16 it crashed into the street.""That's so dramatic. Really did it?" Ellie asked a shocked expression printed on her face."Yeah it was really scary, crazy. It crashed into the shop I worked at." She suddenly wished she hadn't brought this topic up as it brought forward the memories of that night. It had ripped the street apart. But in some ways it brought everyone closer to together. "Jesus were you working?" "No, thank God. I was…" With Sian she wanted to say but bit her tongue. "At home." "My street seems so boring. The most interesting thing was my neighbour throwing her husbands clothes out the window." "That happened here too. Actually it was my sister's husband who did the throwing, not her clothes one of his exes." She commented as she recalled it, Jason and Tina seemed like a life time ago. "And here we are." Sophie stated as they stood outside the pub. "You can still back out." She hoped the girl who say okay."No way.""Well can I still back out?""Nope." "Then after you." Sophie said deadpan as she opened the door following an thrilled girl and sighed, wishing she was anywhere but here. *****Ryan walked towards The Rovers occasionally stealing looks to his unusually quiet wife. Well it had been unusual than before they had wed and now it seemed like a common thing. Sian knew she should make more effort consider they were meant to be celebrating her job in Chambers but it hurt too much. So she remained silent. Sian was gazing out at the opposite direction to her husband, the world seemed completely the same and yet so different and Sian couldn't understand why. She was lost in her thoughts and didn't even pretend to be interested in anything he wanted to talk about. She wondered what Sophie was doing right now, if she was at home, or over at the Webster's perhaps she was on a date. Katy (who still talked to Sophie) had informed her that Sophie was still seeing the P.E teacher and that she should move on. It was too much for her to take, her heart contracted with every thought of them and she wasn't sure if her fragile organ could take much more of checked her phone again for the 100th time that day, she knew that if it had have gone off she would have heard it; but hope will always win out. Seeing that no one had attempted to contact her, she roughly put the phone back into her pocket and continued to walk, feeling an increasing need to had wanted to cancel dinner and the night out with Ryan and her friends afterwards but she knew that it would have raised too many questions; after all to the rest of the world Sian had just got her dream job, she should have been on cloud nine, not bloody on the ground tattered and torn. No one noticed the way she looked at pictures of herself and Sophie, and they did not notice the sadness that she had been carrying around of was aware that Ryan knew there was something wrong with her; with them. They talked less and less, sex was becoming a foreign pass time to them and she knew it was her fault. He was pushing for them to have a child as if it was going to fix them but it took too much effort to argue with him. Sian always used work as an excuse, but it was that; an excuse. Every time they were together even when he was being lovely and romantic all she could think was; 'you're not Sophie'. It was twisted and messed up, she understood that, but unfortunately it is not possible to tell you're heart who to love."Babe?" He finally spoke, and she was partly glad that he did because it allowed her to be brought back to reality."Yeah." Her voice was barely more than a whisper. He stole another glance at her and it broke his heart that something was clearly on his wife's mind but she couldn't tell him."Where are you?" She frowned at his question, confused about why he was asking, it was not the first time these words left his mouth."I'm right here." She replied as though it was the most obvious answer."No you're not." His voice was quiet and sounded defeated and she suddenly realised what he was trying to say. "You might be right next to me, but I can't touch you." A small sad smile crept onto her face as she took his hand in hers while they continued to walk."I'm right here." She repeated."That's not what I meant Sian, you're somewhere else recently and I don't know where, but your mind is gone and all I have is your body here with me." Her heart sank at his words, knowing that she was clearly hurting him."Ryan…" She started but realised there was nothing that she could say to him, because the truth would hurt but her lies would be seen through easily and might kill didn't speak for a couple of minutes while they strolled around the corner but he stopped just before they crossed the road to The Rovers. She stood beside him and a silence fell over them. Sian looked up at the handsome male beside her, she was dreading the moment his sharp eyes focused on her. She looked away."Sian." He began, looking at her, wanting her attention. Slowly she turned to face him but she did not lift her gaze to meet his. "Look at me.""I can't." Her eyes were stinging and she knew that tears wanted to fall."Please." Ryan begged her and the moment her blue orbs met his, she wished she had not given in to his demand because the pain in his eyes cut her to her centre. "I love you. I do. When I look into the future I see you beside me. That is why I married you." The blonde hoped he would not say such things because it was just causing the guilt to bury her alive."Ryan-""Please let me finish." She nodded for him to continue. "And I will wait, because I know you did love and if you think that it is possible that you could love me again then I will wait for you. But do you think you will?"Sian looked at the guy standing in front of her hypnotised by his eyes, he was right she was no longer in love with him…but could she again? She wanted to say she could, she wanted to banish that look on his beautiful features and see a smile instead. But she knew she couldn't answer it, she couldn't give him the answer he seemed to be searching for."I do-"The rest of her words were cut off by the ringing that erupted from her phone, she smiled apologetically at him before pulling her phone out and placing it to her ear. "Hello?" It was Katy. "Sorry we've just out front, we're coming…alright I'll speak to you in a second." She hung up and looked up to Ryan who was staring over her head. "Can we talk about this tonight when we get in.""Of course, at least I will have one last night with you." And with that sentence he stepped forward leaving a guilt ridden blonde behind who attempted to compose herself for the longest evening in history. Was this the end? She thought as she crossed the street and followed her she walked in she saw Katy who looked pained and she frowned at her friend confused by her expression; that was until she saw who Ryan was talking to. Sophie. Fuck. "…Yeah she just got into Chambers. I'm very proud. Babe come over here, it's Sophie." Ryan said as though they had not just had the worst conversation and now it was about to get even worse. He was smiling at the person who was the reason she no longer loved him if she ever did. She looked at Katy hopefully who only shrugged and Sian took a deep breath before approaching. "Hey." The blonde said and Sophie returned the gesture while Ellie nodded. Sian hated her. Hated her prefect body, her glossy hair and most of all she hated the way she had her hand on Sophie's knee. "Congrats on Chambers. You really, really deserve it." Sophie tried to get across how proud she was of Sian. She recalled how hard Sian had worked and couldn't think of anyone who deserved it more. Sian's heart pounded by the soft smile on the brunette's face. They silently remembered how they had always thought they'd be together when they achieved their dreams. "Thank you." It was awkward there was no denying that, but Sian couldn't deny how happy she was to see the brunette. She had missed those blue eyes and pictures and memories did not do them justice. "So are you two out celebrating tonight? Going to hit it hard?" Ellie spoke casually as though she had always known the married couple. Sian didn't care for the way she acted so confident. "Well that was the plan but…I shouldn't say anything but we're trying to get pregnant." He stated proudly as he wrapped his arm around Sian's shoulder. The world stopped for Sophie and Sian felt all the blood rush to her head. Sophie tried to focus, to think clearly, tried to remember where she was so she didn't flee the scene of this horror scene. The brunette's chest went tight and all the colour drained from her face. Sian on the other hand felt her jaw fall open slightly, she couldn't believe those words had just felt her husbands mouth especially considering their conversation no more than 5 minutes ago. But she knew her other half and she knew his words were a cover. He was trying to over compensate for the fact that their marriage was basically over. But it didn't change the fact that Sian's blood was boiling. "Wow. Aw that's lovely, isn't it Soph?" Sophie knew it was time for her to answer but she could feel her throat go strict and she wasn't sure if she was able to. Yes she had ended it with Sian but this felt like the final nail in their coffin. She ripped her eyes away from Sian because she feared that those blue eyes might bring her crumpling to floor in agony. "Yeah." Was all she could manage and it held no joy for the couple. Sian wanted to rush forward to Sophie wrap her in her arms and tell her that it wasn't true, that she was still using contraceptive, that Sophie was the only one she wanted a family with. But the blonde stood where she was watching the world fall away before her eyes. She turned her head quickly to look at her friends begging them with her eyes to save her from the wreck before her. "Sophie Webster!" Sophie shot her head up to see Chesney walking over to her, her face lighted up as much as she could muster. "You don't call you don't write." He said playfully. "I know I'm sorry." Sophie stated with a sad smile. She didn't come back enough and phone calls had become rare. Especially now. She felt bad because she hadn't seen little Jackson ages and she wondered how the little fella was growing up."Get up here." He called stretch his arms out, jumping up she wrapped herself around him. Chesney smelled like home. Sian watched the exchange and felt a weight lifted, she was thankful that the duo had come rushing to her aid. She wondered if Katy had told Chesney even though he didn't seem to act if he knew anything. But it didn't matter she trusted them both. "It's like a Weatherfield reunion." Katy joked trying to lighten the mood. "Hi, I don't think we've been introduced, I'm Katy and this is my other half Ches." She addressed Ellie with a smile and Sian wanted to call her friend a traitor. "I prefer to be introduced as you're better half but I'll take what I'm given." He joked as he reached out shook her hand."You all grew up here?" Ellie asked with an amused smile. "Yeah, I tried to ditch them but they just followed me." Katy said light heartedly and caught Sophie's eye and gave her a sad smile. And just like that Sophie knew that Sian had told Katy, swallowing hard she looked away quickly. "Followed you? These two were my groupies when we were at school." Ryan suddenly said gesturing to Sophie and Sian. The brunette rolled her eyes and immediately wanted to protest that it had just been Sian but held her tongue. "Groupies?""Well she was your girlfriend." Chesney pointed out, nodding towards Sian."Wow have two been dating since you were at school?" Ellie asked seemly impressed. "Well they did date before she dated Sophie." Chesney clarified and Sophie had to stop herself from kicking him in the shin. "You two?" Ellie questioned and her expression changed, just for a second but Sophie noticed it. She wondered what it meant but she knew now wasn't the time to ask."Yeah." Sian answered with a firm nod preventing herself from continuing her sentence by saying 'and she still loves me now'."Stop standing around, come sit with us, I'm sure you have loads more stories about my Sophie." The blonde shot her eyes up to Ellie frowning. It felt like Sophie's date was marking the brunette as her own and Sian didn't appreciate it, not one bit. "Sure." Chesney chimed in with an excited smile. "We don't get to go out much." Katy stated as if trying to explain her husbands happy exterior. "What does everyone want to drink?" Chesney asked as everyone told him what they desire and he got Ryan to accompany him to the bar to help carry it all. The women all sat down at the table. Sian caught Sophie's eye and smiled trying to gage some contact with the girl, she had missed her so much. Even if this wasn't the perfect setting she was happy to get an opportunity to see her and talk to her. She was so close to Sophie that she could smell her Calvin Kline perfume. The scent caused so many memories to flood back to her that it warmed her heart. Sophie held the contact for as long as she could before she looked to Ellie with a small grin. "So is this a date?" Katy asked with a knowing smile."You know it is." Sophie stated with pursed lips, Katy had called only a week ago and she had told her she had a date."I know." She chuckled. "So how long have you two been seeing each other." Again Sophie sighed because Katy knew this as well."Not long." Sophie quickly said."About four months." Ellie corrected as placed her hand over Sophie's and the brunette felt the instant impulse to pull her hand away but fought against it. Sian was fighting against her own impulse but hers was to lean over the table and punch the new comer. "And this is the first time we're meeting her, shame on you Webster." Katy teased."I know." "She didn't even want to bring me here tonight, I had to beg." Ellie laughed and Sian felt her insides churn. "So you two use to date huh?" And Sophie remembered back to her first date with Ellie when she had said Sian was just a friend. She looked over to Sian and could see the blonde was just as uncomfortable as herself. She wanted to grab the blonde by the hand and drag her out of pub so they could escape."They were loves young dream." Katy answered before anyone else. "We all thought it would be them getting married." She laughed. "Argh." She sudeenly let out and Sophie had to fight back a smirk, it was obvious by Sian's annoyed expression that the blonde had clearly kicked her under the table. "You alright?" Ellie asked concerned."Yeah, I just kicked the table." She lied as she looked at Sian from the corner of her eye."What happened…with these two?" She continued to prod. "Do we have to talk about this?" Sophie asked exasperated."Why not?" Ellie shot out with a thin smirk. "Because it was so long ago." She explained with a shrug, when really the truth was it just cut too close to the bone, it hurt. And it didn't help that she couldn't stop herself from looking over to those blue eyes. This was like a new type of torture. She had known this a bad idea."It wasn't even a big thing." Sian went on and Sophie shot her an appreciative smile and earned a friendly grin back in return. "It all ended when Sophie went to the states and then Sian and Ryan rekindled their love and it's all history now." Sophie knew that Katy thought she was helping but the brunette's stomach dropped suddenly. She recalled her previous conversation with Ellie about her first heart break, Ellie wasn't stupid she'd piece it together. This was confirmed when she felt Ellie remove her hand from over hers. "Here you go ladies." Ryan said as he placed their drinks on the table with Chesney behind him. As much as she couldn't stand Ryan she was happy for his sudden appearance. "I'm just going to the loo." Sophie declared, as she was about to stand up she felt the body beside her tug her back down, Ellie leaned over and kissed Sophie gently on the lips before the brunette stood up and excused herself to the bathroom. Sophie was leaning against the sink in the bathroom with the tap turned on trying to distract herself from the aching in her chest. This was all too great, there was too much pressure on her chest that she worried that it was going to cave in and leave her a broken mess of who she was. Her evening with Ellie was meant to take all this away, to make the world turn back on it's axis for a few hours but now here she was, completely lost all over again. Closing her eyes she took a deep breath hoping that when she let it out all the weight would disappear as well. Her hope of this however were interrupted when the door swung open abruptly and she snapped her eyes open to look in the mirror. Standing behind her stood the blonde, who she had come here to escape and she turned around to face her."Hey." Sophie said quietly, but no other words were permitted to leave her mouth, as Sian's lips came pressing against hers and she stumbled back until her back hit the sink, however the blonde's lips never left hers. Sian's hands where firm on Sophie's hips, while the brunette's were tangled into wavy blonde hair. The kiss was hard and passionate, Sophie opened her mouth wider giving Sian the acceptance she so eagerly wanted. Her tongue merged with Sophie's as she pressed her body closer into the other girls. The duo were completely lost in the moment, the need was surrounding them causing them to forget about the world they were in and who stood outside that door. Feeling the warm hands begin to slip under her top Sophie eventually gained the will power to pull away and looked at the girl confused trying to regain her breath."What are you doing Sian?" She asked in-between pants, still aware of how close the girl was to her. She could not deny that the kiss had made her entire body tingle and ache all at the same time, but she also knew it should not have happened. It had been a mistake, another one to add the growing number of mistakes shared between blonde simply looked at her for a few moments before throwing her hands up in the air in defeat, taking a few paces back. "I hate it, I can't stand it Soph.""What?" The brunette questioned, knotting up her forehead."You and Ellie, it's killing me. I saw you first. I had you first." The last part sounded like a small child and hit a nerve in the older girl, she was not a toy for her to fight over."But you didn't want me, there's a difference." She shot back."I did, I wanted you from the first moment I laid eyes on you." Sophie rolled her eyes and stepped away from the sink."No you didn't, you're just saying that now, because you can't have me.""I'm not." She took a few steps closer to her ex love, wanting the girl to understand how she felt."Then why didn't you say anything, why didn't you follow me? Why did you marry him? Jesus you have had years!" She was rising her voice now, she knew that it could draw attention to them but she couldn't prevent it. Sian made her lose control of herself."I don't know, I made a mistake, everyone makes mistakes. I love you, I've always loved you it's that simple." She had wanted to say these words to her friend so many times since Sophie walked away, she regretted that this had to be her moment to do it."No!" Sophie moved to the sink leaning against the basin, looking at Sian in the reflection of the mirror. "I asked you for months to leave him and you said you couldn't. I won't wait around for you to be ready.""I know." Her response was quiet scarcely a whisper but Sophie heard it, yet it didn't cause her angry mood to lessen."I asked you Sian, I asked, and you said no." She had now turned around so that she could look at Sian's tear glistening eyes."What did you expect me to say? Yes of course I'm leave him. He's my fucking husband! It's not that simple.""Then why are you telling me this now?" She wasn't yelling any more, it was she couldn't cope with hearing this and it was all too late now."Because I can't stand it, seeing her touching you, kissing you all the while knowing it should be me.""But it's not you. You had you're chance." Again she turned to face the mirror but did not look for Sian's reflection. "I'm happy.""Are you?" Sian now stood directly behind her, so close Sophie could feel the warm breath on her neck. She flashed back to the night they parted and she wondered how her life had come to this."Yes." Her voice was hoarse, and she cursed the way the blonde effected her body. Even now she could feel an instant wetness pool at her core."I don't believe you.""Funnily enough I don't care what you believe." Sophie was trying to gain control on the situation but Sian took another step closer, so close than she could feel the older girls chest against her back."I know you Soph. Can you look me in the eye and tell me you don't love me?"The brunette slowly turned around and gazed into Sian's eyes for what seemed like eternity, trying to find the words she needed to say."See you can't.""I don't." Sophie finally spoke using all the courage she could gather, knowing the next words would be the K.O. She held back tears for fear that her words might become transparent and lose impact. She feared that Sian might recognise the traits that she displayed when she lied. "I don't love you." With that she slid out from between Sian and the sink and walked to the door before she stopped. "Oh congratulations on trying to get pregnant, I'm happy for you." Quickly she exited the toilet and headed back to the woman who was in love with her. It was a lie what she'd said, but she was not going to come in the middle of a marriage any longer, she had made a silent promise to Ellie and she didn't want to break it, even if it meant breaking her own heart looked at her reflection in the mirror, attempting to let Sophie's word's sink in. She had expected the brunette to crumble under heartfelt words and confess to deep feelings of love and need; she'd been wrong. Sian suddenly felt the pain within her chest as her heart began to break, shattering into pieces, littering the bathroom floor.

Sophie sighed as she excused herself the table, Ellie had gone out for some fresh air a while ago and had yet to return. Even though it was still raining outside it was not particularly cold, Sophie couldn't spot her 'girlfriend' at first and then she spotted her standing under the bus shelter a few yards away. Ellie's back was facing her, but she noted her hunched over posture which told her Ellie's mood had sunk from the bubbly girl from inside the pub. The brunette breathed in all the courage she could carry and quickly jogged over to the shelter, slowing down slightly when she got closer to Ellie. She didn't turn around as Sophie approached her, only stared at the occasionally passing traffic, Sophie stood beside her and for a long time neither of them spoke."I needed to get out." She finally said although her eyes did not shift to look at Sophie. No word's were coming to mind, so Sophie simply said nothing. "It's over isn't it?" She finally spoke in a quiet voice that drove right through her body straight to the brunette's heart and closed her eyes in that trying to find words at this moment was impossible all she could do was nod her head slowly. Sophie's eyes started to fill with tears and she suddenly wished that they were actually standing out in the rain instead of under shelter so her tears could be hidden. "I'm sorry." She chocked out. She knew this was coming eventually, no matter how much she hoped it could have worked out. But she had not expected it to happen so soon."Yeah me too." Ellie told her, the young girl looked up at her and saw a stray tear roll down Ellie's tanned cheek. "You could never love me could you?"She was slightly confused at her words, wondering if it was a question or a statement. "I did want to love you." She assured Ellie, although Sophie was sure at this moment it did not offer much comfort."But it would never have been the way I loved you."The way Ellie was ripping down their relationship was starting to get the brunette slightly annoyed. "How can you even say that?" She wanted to be supportive knowing she was hurting her, but she couldn't prevent her voice from raising slightly. Her and Ellie had never argued and she thought it was sad that she was picking this moment for their first fight."How? You want to know how?" She was now looking down at the girl who she loved deeply, and for the first time Sophie saw her broken blood shot eyes."I cared about you Ellie, so much.""And I never doubted that you didn't care me with everything you could." She shot back at her."I did.""But it wasn't as much you loved her." Ellie's voice sounded defeated and her shoulder's slumped down, all Sophie could do was stand there looking at her shocked. "You could never love me as much as I love you, but not for one second did I doubt you cared, I knew you cared me as much as you're heart allowed." She paused not wanting to stumble over her delicate words. "Truth is, you can never love me like I wanted you to, because you're in love with her. And I feel like a fool because I've only just realised.""What are you talking about?" Sophie declared, completely baffled."Sian!" She shouted, and her raised voice stunned Sophie, shaking her head Ellie continued. "The way you look at her, I would give anything for you to look at me like that.""We're just friend's Ellie." Her heart was pounding, if Ellie had seen something could Ryan? "Don't treat me like an idiot Soph." She responded quietly and again the silence wrapped around them like the night air."I'm sorry." Sophie replied."Don't be. I mean I wish you would have told me before now, might have spared the pain.""I never wanted to hurt you Ellie." Sophie said honestly."But it hurts all the same.""Is it that obvious, about Sian?" Sophie asked, she knew the question might have been insensitive, but she needed to know if Ryan could notice."For me it was, only because I knew something wasn't right with us, I've kinda known since our first date but I ignored it. I guess maybe I had seen it before but didn't want to admit it, that day when she turned up at the school but tonight just confirmed it all. Her husband doesn't know if that's what you're asking me, I think he is blinded by his love." The last words were like a physical wound to Sophie and she winced. Ellie looked down at her and began to walk away towards the taxi office, but stopped to turn to face Sophie as the rain fell hard upon her. "You okay getting a ride home, I'm not much in the party mood." Sophie nodded at her and watched Ellie continue to walk away from her. Unable to watch it she turned back around, hugging herself letting their conversation wash over her. "Hey Soph."She spun around to face Ellie again. "Yeah?""She looks at you the same way you look at her. Love's all that matters." And that was all she said as she rounded the corner and disappeared out of her line eye. Sophie closed her eyes causing stray tears to escape down her cheeks so she took a step out into the rain so she hide them from the had watched the duo leave the pub a while back, they had been gone for half an hour. Her stomach dropped as her mind travelled to what they could be doing, both of them in the rain pressed up against a wall, the rain tumbling down around them as their hands explored each other. The blonde shook her head hard to try and dislodge those thoughts out of her mind. If she hadn't been drunk with her insane imagination she simply would have walked over to the table and slipped into conversation with her husband however she was going slightly crazy with her thoughts and as she walked towards her table she took a left and exited the pub. Standing in the entrance she looked around for any sign of them outside but she couldn't spot them; had they left or were they hidden down an ally somewhere? Sian was about to go back indoors when her eyes fell on the brunette standing in the rain apparently lost in her own her second rejection of the evening Sian walked over to the girl, letting the cold rain fall upon her and run down her exposed skin. She made no attempted to rush over to the girl so to avoid the downpour, and soon she was standing beside her. They both looked at each other, even though it was raining the blonde could tell that the girl had been or still was crying."She left." Was all Sophie said, and instead of offering her 'friend' word's of comfort, she reached down and took the stray hand in her own, interlocking their fingers. They kept their eyes to the front, but the small action was better than anything that could have been said between them. It was proof at how well the duo knew and understood each other, even when they were hanging on by a thread they would always there for each other. They stood there, their hands clasped together in silence while the rain came tumbling down on them soaking them through to the bone. They could continue their awkwardness tomorrow, in this moment all that mattered was suddenly felt hot and needed air, he stood up and walked to the exit, wanting to clear his mind, there was a lot going through his brain right now. Something had changed between him and Sian and part of him knew it was his fault. They had been fine until they had got married and it had been him who had pushed for it. If they had just continued how they were, it might still be perfect. She might have still loved him. He looked to the bar as he stood excusing himself and couldn't spot his wife. Perhaps she had gone to the toilet. The cool evening air hit him as he finally stepped outside but he did not move outside the shelter of the entrance due to the pouring rain. It was there that his eyes settled on a duo standing holding hands in the rain, and it only took him a few seconds to realise who they were. All of a sudden his need for air was not as prompt as his need to flee the image in front of him. There was something intimate about it that didn't settle well in Ryan's stomach. As he walked back inside his heart started to contract with pain and a fear like he had never once felt before, it didn't even compare to the teenage heartbreaks he had experienced. He may have been a guys guy but he found himself fighting back tears. He tried to convince himself that it was just two friends; two old friends…but the idea wouldn't settle with Ryan. He wouldn't lose Sian again especially not to Sophie and decided then that he was going to prove to his wife that she had made the right choice marrying him.*****Sian had been living in a daze since her chance meeting with Sophie, since the brunette had allowed her to stand with her and hold her hand. She had known that it was a sign that eventually they could be together. Sophie had opened the door slightly and Sian was going to jam her foot in so that Sophie couldn't shut her out again. But for the first time in what felt like forever Sophie wasn't in the for front of her mind, she was still haunting her but as she sat in the toilet it was the plastic stick in her hands that held her was pregnant. That little blue line seemed to be mocking her as it shone out at her and Sian's stomach dropped. She didn't understand, it had to be wrong. Yes they had in theory been trying to get pregnant but the truth was Sian was had not stopped taking the conceptive pill. She picked up the other two tests that had little blue positive signs and watched as they laughed bitterly at her. Could all three of them be giving her false positives?Her eyes began to burn with tears and not the happy kind that usually accompanied this moment. This was it. She couldn't escape Ryan they were now connected stronger than ever. Before it had just been by marriage, two rings that bound them in a promise, but now they were bonded by a life. It was too much and slipping off the side of the bath tub she kneed in front of the toilet and began to throw up. It could have been a symptom of her pregnancy but she suspected it was due to the fear seeping through her that pushed the contents of her stomach couldn't fathom how this had occurred. Sian had been so careful she had never skipped a pill and in fairness they didn't have sex more often, one time a week if that. But nine times out of ten she would have an excuse tucked up her sleeve 'I'm really tired, work is wiping me out' or 'I really want to, but I've got so much phlegm, I mean we can still do it if you want?' They were just a few of her pardons so she didn't have to have sex with her husband. It even sounded terrible even to mind raced with the conscientious of this and she tried to piece together how on earth it could have happened. There was the antibiotics she had taken last month but that was surely an old wife's tale. There had to be something else and she instantly decided that she needed to make an appointment with the doctor to try and understand how this had Sian wasn't still going to church and she didn't hold the beliefs as strongly she still knew she couldn't abort the baby. She believed that this was a life growing inside her and she couldn't kill it. She also knew there was no way that Ryan would ever allow her to give it away and she wasn't sure she would even be able to do it. This was all so fucked up. Holding her head in her hands she sobbed quietly."Fuck I'm gon-" The door banged open as Ryan ran in and Sian's head shot up revealing her tear soaked face. "I didn't know you were in- hey babe what's wrong?" Ryan's concerned voice pained her and only wanted to make her cry more. He was a good man but she was turning him into a Hollywood villain. His eyes looked to what was scattered on the floor. "Oh my...are you?" He asked the excitement and hope riddled his words and Sian couldn't stand it, this was only making her stomach churn more."Yes." She croaked out in a whisper, she didn't want to say it aloud because then it made it true and now it was out in the world."God. Wow. I was so worried I thought it was me because it wasn't happening." He pulled his wife into a tight hug as she saw his eyes well up with emotion. "We're going to be a family. This will fix everything. We'll get through our problems Sian." Ryan's words made Sian want to throw up again. This was not what she wanted and she instantly wished that she had left him when Sophie had asked her. She was meant to be growing old with Sophie, raising their children together and being in love always. Now sitting on the cold tiled floor in her husbands arms she could feel it all slipping through her fingers. "Babe, aren't you excited?"'No' her mind screamed at her. "Ryan we need to talk." She couldn't do it.*****Everything in life is in constant motion and we are changing as much as the world is, even though people often protest that they're still the same. It's a lie. The changes that come to face us and how we deal with them ultimately decide what type of person we are destined to become. When these changes are in front of you there is fork in the road ahead, and you have two options; deal with it or run from it. It sounds easy and it is foolish to believe that this choice is straightforward, of course we all think we'll do the right thing. It's not simple; the choices we make are messy and complicated and sometimes the path we should choose is the one our heart can not follow. The biggest thing that we have to deal with is that life is not the fairy tale that you imagine, most people pick the 'run from it' option but sadly we have to face reality at some point. The moment the rug is pulled from under your unsteady legs you fall and when you hit the ground it hurts. That's what your first proper heartbreak is, it's you hitting the floor after the world has been pulled out from under you. The landing is never quite as hard as the first one but it still does damage. The key is how you pick yourself up and dust the debris off; it's the art of forgiveness. People deem forgiveness to be an easy act, saying 'I forgive you' and then moving on; no. Forgiveness is for only those who are strong, and if you have changed and picked the right paths then maybe you can forgive but then again maybe you can't. Sophie didn't feel like she could ever be forgiven the wreck she had left in her wake and she didn't think that she deserved it was curled up on her couch watching some soap opera. She didn't understand people's love for programme like this, if she lived in a place like that she'd just move. No matter how drivel she found the show however right now it felt like her only life line. It was giving her something to focus, watching people's lives that were worse than hers. It was pathetic and selfish of her to think of it this way but it was the only way she could move forward. It was just over two weeks since Ellie had walked away from her and to be fair she wasn't shocked. Sophie left like poison infecting people. Ellie did the right thing leaving her, she couldn't begrudge the girl for wanting to find her own happiness. Sophie perhaps thought she was better of a world of hundreds of millions of people there was one person for you, one person who fitted you so perfectly that you knew beyond a shadow of a doubt you were meant to be together; fate. Sian was that person to her and knowing that they couldn't be was like a bullet through her heart, when she left for the US alone it had hurt but this heart break was killing her. She knew she had to get over it, move on but it was like telling her lungs to stop breathing or her core to stop programme had finished at some point and a late night B horror movie had started when she finally dragged herself away from her thoughts. She spent so much time locked away in her own mind and the world seemed to travel past at warp speed; she was missing out on her life. She frowned as a huge crocodile dragged some unsuspecting drunk teenager into the water. And then the doorbell rang. It was quarter to 11 and Sophie frowned wondering who would be at her door this time of night. She contemplated not answering it but then she had thoughts of Rosie and Blake standing out in the rain and cold and she immediately stood to answer of finding her drenched sister and nephew she saw the last person she expected; Sian. She tried to open her mouth to speak but no words came out, they all got caught in her throat and died there. Sian's eyes looked red and swollen even through the rain that tumbled down around her."I left him. I left Ryan." Sophie knew she should talk, should invite Sian in but she couldn't form any words. It didn't help that Sian's sentence was echoing through her mind until it was so loud it deafened her. So without words and without any real thought and acting on pure adrenalin and emotion, Sophie took a step forward reached for Sian's face pulling it to her own until their lips crashed together. The sudden rain was cool against her previously warm skin but she didn't care as she felt Sian wrap her wet arms around her, holding her close. The rain poured down on them as if the heavens were giving then their seal of approval. Their two bodies seemed to merge into one as they kissed, their tongues duelling for dominance and more contact. Feeling Sian's throaty moan vibrate into her mouth she realised where they were and tugged for Sian to come with her inside. The kiss never broke as Sophie fumbled to shut the door and then pushed Sian up against the wall. "God I miss this." Sian sighed as Sophie's lips trailed down her wet jaw line to her exposed neck nipping at all the sensitive parts that made Sian quiver. "I missed you." There was so much going in Sophie's head; desire, hurt, want, betrayal, love, lust. She focused on want as she marked Sian clearly on her neck. "Have you missed me?" Sophie didn't answer and instead planted her lips firmly on the blondes to stop her talking. The moment she stopped kissing her they would have to talk and she was still reeling from the fact that Sian had finally left her swollen lips Sian pulled away holding Sophie's face between her hands. "I love you Sophie Webster." She stated looking into the blue eyes that she thought of every moment of her days. She leaned back into kiss the brunette again already missing the contact when she felt the damp face move out of her grip. "Hey." she protested and instead of seeing lust filled orbs she was facing ones of confusion."You left him, for good?" Sophie's voice sounded small and fragile and Sian hated herself for doing that to one of the strongest people she had ever known."Yes. It's only ever been you soph." It was everything Sophie had been waiting to hear wrapped up in six words. The brunette couldn't help the small smile that played across her lips. But she hated herself for being happy at the cost of Ryan's."What happened? What changed?" Sian's stomach dropped and she quickly looked away, tears welling up before cascading down her cheeks mingling with the rain water dripping from her hair. "Sian...he didn't hurt you or anything did he? Did he find out?" Sophie asked concerned once again stepping into Sian's personal blonde shook her head painfully slow and Sophie just waited. Each breath sounded heavy and she couldn't understand the sudden panic racing through her body. "I'm pregnant." The choked whisper barely made Sophie's ears but she heard it. Yet she didn't believe it."what?" Because she needed to be sure that her brain hadn't just heard the bad news it was expecting."I'm pregnant Sophie." It was a little bit louder this time and the brunette stumbled backwards a few steps as though the words had force. "I wasn't planning it." Sian managed to say through sobs and Sophie just stared at the ground waiting for it all to be a bad dream."You were trying. I remember Ryan saying.""No, not really. I was still on the pill." Sian quickly argued."So you were lying to him again?""It wasn't like that. I didn't want a child with him Sophie. The only person I see myself having a family with is you.""You've had months to end it Sian. Fucking months." Sophie spat out although she still refused to look up. She suddenly noticed the small dark spot on her top and it was only then that she realised she was crying as well she had first assumed it was from the rain. Her tears ducts had clearly found a backup and they hadn't stopped working as Sophie had expected."I know, I know that okay. And as soon as I found out I was pregnant I left him. I couldn't be with him. It was like this huge reality check and I realised what a complete and utter lie my marriage was." Sian took a step forward but Sophie stepped away before walking back into the living room trying to understand everything she was hearing. The blonde followed and watched in the doorway as Sophie sat on the couch her head in her hands. "We can be together now soph.""It's that simple." Sophie scoffed."This is what we always talked about, what we always wanted." Sian rushed forward and crouched on her knees in front of the brunette placing her hands on Sophie's shaking thighs."No, what we talked about was you leaving him on even ground. In an honest way." Sophie muttered into her hands. She couldn't lift her head knowing Sian was right in front of her, she couldn't risk losing herself in those blue eyes right now. "Did you even tell him about us?"Sian hesitated. "No. I didn't want to hurt him anymore than I already was.""Did he ask if you were seeing someone else?"Sian stayed quiet too long again. "Yes.""And you said no?""Yes. I didn't want you to get dragged into it." Sian pleaded as Sophie ripped her hands away from her face so Sian could see the pain and anger."This wasn't about me. You just didn't want him to hate you." She spat out."Don't you think he already hates me. He finds out he's going to be a dad and I leave. What good would it have done then telling him I was fucking you as well?""Fucking me? That's just feels great to hear." Sophie replied as she pushed herself up from her sitting position and stepped past the blonde on the floor."You know that's not what I meant, it is so much more than that.""Do I?" Sophie shot back crossing her arms firmly across her chest."Of course. I love you. I thought this was what you wanted. For us to be together. It's what I want." Sian said as she pulled her knees up to her chest on the floor. A vulnerability to her that made her look so small. Sophie had to fight against every impulse to go over to Sian and comfort her."It is. But not like this. I'm use to your excuses about why you couldn't be with me fully and now you have the biggest excuse to go back to him." Sophie looked at Sian through her tears that continued as trickle down."I won't, I wouldn't." Sian exclaimed completely thrown by Sophie words. How could the brunette be saying this to her after all they had been through?"How do I know that?" Sophie said as she stood by the window looking out into the miserable night."Don't you trust me." Sian watched the brunette who seemed completely lost in thought and heard her sigh."No.""Soph how can you not trust me!" The blonde shot up to her feet and Sophie spun on her heel."Can you blame me?""What does that mean?" Fresh tears hit the back of Sian's eye by the pain stinging at Sophie's words."Well considering what we've be doing behind your husbands back you can't be surprised." Sophie knew it was a low blow and it was going to cause the blonde hurt."Wow. I can't believe that you are throwing that in my face.""What do you expect?""You were just as involved as me in that, but I trust you. I trust you with my life Sophie.""I trust you with my life as well Sian, but I don't know if I trust you with my heart. I thought the moment you left him then we would be together and it would be perfect." Sophie sounded so pained that Sian's heart bleed out for her knowing the brunette wouldn't appreciate any of her comfort. She wanted to steal all of Sophie's sorrow away."And it could be." The blonde stepped closer to her love, wanting to reassure her, convince her that it could still be perfect."No I don't think we can.""What are you saying Soph?"'"This isn't going to work." Sophie finally said as her voice broke with the agony of what she was actually saying. Sian rushed to the other girl holding her cheeks getting her to look her in the eye."Yes, yes it is. You and me. It's how it's meant to go." Her sobs matched that of Sophie's who tore herself away from Sian's burning touch."No. I thought so too. But what we had again was built on betrayal and lies. I mean what would we tell people? We just happened to reconnect after you left Ryan. We will hurt each other and everyone else all over again.""It's nothing to do with anyone else it's just about us.""There isn't an us. We were foolish to think there could be after everything we've done." The brunette breathed out a long breath trying to get control of herself again. She never for a second thought she would be uttering these words. She never wanted to utter them."You don't mean this. You don't. You love me and I love you." Sophie listened to Sian's earnest words as she wrapped her arms around herself. Maybe it was a gesture from her brain to try and comfort her, to tell her this was the right decision, her brain was doing this for her own sanity, to save her heart from any more pain."I do love you Sian and I will no doubt love you forever but we didn't think this through. We're no good for each other."Sian stared at Sophie's back her mind reeling, trying to think of ways to convince her that they weren't a mistake. "Oh God Sophie you can't be saying this. You don't mean it." She didn't run to the brunette like she wanted to, she couldn't face another rejection to her concern or desire."I do. I'm doing what's right. That baby needs it's mum and it's dad not it's dad, it's mum and her girlfriend.""Is this what this is about the baby? Because all a child needs is love." A new hope flashed in Sian's mind."No it's not just about you being pregnant but yeah it's part of it. I won't break up a family. I couldn't stand it for that child to look at me thinking you're the reason my parents aren't together.""No this babies parents aren't together because I'm not in love with my husband.""Because of me!" Sophie shouted feeling the frustration seeping through her with every heated and heartfelt word they uttered to each other."No I mean you made me realise it but I would have figured it out eventually. I would have!" She argued with a shrug from the brunette."It doesn't matter any more." Sophie said weakly finally turning to look at Sian. Her face was blotchy from tears but Sian thought she was still beautiful."Course it matters. You don't kiss someone like you kissed me then suddenly say it's over." Sian argued and took a step forward. Sophie didn't even back away her body had no fight left in it. Her body craved the moment Sian left so it could fall to the ground and crumble in the excruciating pain rushing around her."We were never anything to be over Sian.""You were and still are my everything." Sian begged, she could feel all the excitement and hope draining by the second. This wasn't how it was meant to happen. Her images of coming to Sophie's door telling her they could be together didn't end like this."I know. But I can't do this. I thought I could.""Please you don't mean this, you don't.""For the first time I'm thinking with my head.""What about your heart what's that telling you?""My heart?" Sophie laughed bitterly. "That's so broken it doesn't even work any more it's just a pile of dust.""Won't you let me put it back together?" Sian offered with a small smile."Not when you're the one who caused it, no." Sophie admitted it hurt to say so she could only imagine how it must of hurt to hear."So what now, where does this leave us Soph?" Sian sobbed, she couldn't believe this was happening, couldn't believe that her and Sophie weren't kissing, touching; loving each other."What we've always been. Two people who love each other but can't be.""But we can.""Stop it Sian. We don't love in a perfect world...I think you should leave." Sophie's eyes pleaded. She was breaking with every second and she wasn't sure how much longer she could hold on."I want to talk about this.""Please. I can't. Just go." Sian stood her ground for a few minutes just gazing at Sophie trying to memorise every inch of her, although it was already burned into her mind. With a sigh Sian wiped her eyes even though she could feel more about to follow."Okay." She started a slow walk to the doorway before she stopped and looked back to Sophie who was once again looking out the window. "But I'm not giving up on us." Sian stated, it was bold declaration but she planned to follow it through."Perhaps you should." Sophie said simply but Sian was already at the front door. And the brunette heard it click shut quietly. Turning away from the window Sophie sank to the floor overcome with a wave of pain. Her body shook violently with sobs and she worried they were never going to love stories get that happily ever after, the white knight and they walk off into the sunset knowing that everything is going to be okay. But some love stories don't. Because love like everything else in life is part of reality and that is something that isn't perfect and it can hurt like hell and make you cry till you have nothing left inside. Some loves are not meant to be and truth is sometimes no matter much you want to believe it is; love isn't enough.


	6. Chapter 6

_Sophie walked out of the pub into the warm summer evening as it wrapped around her tenderly embracing her like an old friend. She could hear someone singing 'pour some sugar on me' from inside The Rovers (karaoke night) and she smiled leaning against the wall. Soon however she realised she was not alone when she caught the scent of Sian._

"_Hey." Sophie said even though she did not look up to see the new presence._

"_How did you know I was here?" The blonde asked with a curious smile._

"_You smell of strawberries, I'd know it anywhere." She said as she looked up to see her beautiful lover grinning at her and it made her heart skip a beat. The brunette looked around and then took Sian's hand in her own pulling her around the corner away from any prying eyes. Now alone Sophie pushed the older girl up against the wall and began to attack her lips, savouring the taste of her mouth. Sian slipped her tongue into Sophie's mouth as they crashed together in the heat of passion, their bodies were so close together they might as well have been one. The brunette felt Sian suck on her bottom lip biting it gently, sending a wave of fervour through her body. Needing air the duo pulled apart, keeping their foreheads touching and planting chaste kisses on the others lips._

Sophie shot up in bed a cold film of sweat on her brow and upper lip. Her breath snaked out of her as she tried to regain control of herself, it was a dream she repeated to herself attempting to return control over herself. She should have been use to this, dreams or nightmares depending which way you looked at it had been haunting her for the last three weeks. Sophie had yet to get through a single night when she hadn't been woken from her slumber. It was like her body was seeking out a way to tell her she had made a grave mistake in turning Sian away and she was constantly trying to tell herself she had done the right thing. She could not have attempted a relationship with Sian, too much had passed between them and now that Sian was pregnant it would never have worked. But her subconscious clearly had other ideas and disturbed her with pictures of them together. Her dream/nightmare had been rather tame compared to ones from other nights and for that she had to be slightly thankful.

Sitting up she pulled her knees to her chest rubbing her face with her hands trying to scrub away the images that now refused to leave her mind. She missed when her dreams would disappear the moment she awoke from her slumber but these ones stayed with her hours sometimes even days after she had woken up. The winter night howled outside her window and she sighed deeply feeling that familiar ache rest inside her chest, before it had come and gone but now it stayed whenever she awake a permanent reminder of what she had thrown away.

"Jesus." She muttered as tears sprung to life in the corner of her eyes. She had to be up for work in two hours she noted as she looked at the clock and reluctantly she pushed the covers back. Although Sophie feared going to sleep another sadistic part of her revelled in it, because it was in these instances that she got to see herself with Sian, see them happy and together. The agony of waking up and finding herself alone was indescribable, but it was worth it she thought to herself. She really was a gluten for punishment. But she knew she deserved it, no matter what anyone else said. There was no point attempting to sleep again so she got up and processed to get ready for the pretence of her life.

She breathed out deeply as she took her surroundings suddenly realising she was not in her own room. The abrupt wake up had caused her to forget her whereabouts. She had stayed at her sisters the previous night to watch Blake so that Rosie and Jason could go watch Billy Elliot the musical that was touring. Although Jason had offered Sophie his ticket. It had been a nice way to spend her evening, she found it almost impossible to stay in a bad mood when she was around her nephew. He was so curious and smart that Sophie marvelled at him and the way his mind worked.

Sitting on the edge of the bed Sophie wiped the sleep out of her eyes along with the tears, and tried to focus on her plan for the day ahead. She would go to work and pretend to be happy, pretend to not be dying. Alex would pretend that there wasn't a huge secret hiding between them and Ellie would pretend that she wasn't hurt. What had started off as a kiss between Sophie and Sian before leading into a full blown affair had splinted down and effected more people that Sophie ever thought was possible. Even now that it was over people were still suffering and Sophie had no idea how to correct it all. Ellie refused to look her in the eye even when they encountered each other at school. Sophie hated herself for causing the girl any anguish and she yearned for a way to rob it away and store it with her own because it was what she warranted. She deserved all the pain.

Across the street Sian switched the kettle on as she pushed herself up onto the kitchen work top pulling the local newspaper open as she waited for the water to boil. She didn't really even bother trying to sleep anymore, it felt so pointless. Her mind was so crazy with thoughts that it never calmed down long enough for a whole nights sleep. She had managed with a few hours here and there over the last three weeks and although she felt exhausted she was managing. But with her tired body and broken heart she felt like she had nothing left to offer the world and she could feel it starting to effect her at work. She wished she could just click her fingers and snap out of. Well, if she was wishing for things Sian wished she had a time machine to do everything differently that way she'd have found herself waking up beside Sophie. But this morning like the previous 22 days she was awake up alone on a friend's couch all alone. She rubbed her stomach tenderly, knowing that she was not just taking care of one person she now had two people to consider. She had to look after her.

The night at Sophie's still tortured, she recalled it every time she closed her eyes and she suspected that was one of the biggest reasons that sleep evaded her. The rerun in her mind was always colourful and loaded as it mocked her for believing that they were finally going to get their happy ending. She had not expected their reunion to be easy, she was carrying Ryan's child after all but she had thought once they talked it through they could work it out. Sophie telling her to leave had not even crossed her mind. Sian knew she was a naïve fool but that was what love did to you. Love carried you up to the highest point in the world so you could feel the clouds rush past you and you could see the beauty of the earth below. No one warns about the moment the ground rocks beneath your feet and you just fall, landing on the ground in a bloody mess.

Katy and Chesney's couch was comfortable and she was thankful for their hospitality but she needed to get out. She didn't feel like she could impose of them any more even if they claimed she wasn't. Sian had the money to move out, she had good savings and her job paid extremely well but she'd kept putting the task of looking hidden away. The blonde knew why she had put off searching because somewhere in the back of her mind she had hoped and still did hope that Sophie was going to turn up at the door. Sophie would mutter something about being wrong and Sian would hold her and tell her that it didn't matter any more. She had replayed the imaginary scene over and over in her mind and she couldn't quite let the dream of it happening die away.

With a deep heart tugging sigh she opened the paper to the property section knowing that she would have to make some appointments for the weekend. Sian heard movement from the hallway and chuckled to herself when she heard Katy singing. "Today I don't feel like do anything, I just want to lay in my bed, don't feel like picking up my phone, so leave a message at the tone." She adored her friend, and Katy would never know what a truly good friend she had been, she'd been Sian's rock. She'd held Sian tightly as she cried when returning rejected from Sophie's, she had not muttered anything negative and only soothed her caring words. "Hey." She said surprised when she noticed that Sian was already up, but she was always the first one up.

"Morning." Sian replied with a smile.

"Jackson didn't wake you did he?" She asked concerned as she went and received one of the already prepared bottles of milk.

"Nope, he never wakes me." It was true because she was always awake before the little boy turned the air blue with his cries.

"Still not sleeping?" Katy asked with a knowing tilt of her head and Sian shrugged.

"I sleep fine."

"Liar." She shot back. "Anything interesting happening in the world?" Gesturing to the paper before she processed to heat up the milk for her son.

"It's yesterdays, I'm just looking at properties."

"Why?" Katy forgot about what she was doing and turned to look at her friend with a knotted brow.

"I can't stay here forever."

"Yeah you can, you could be like our live in babysitter." She tried to joke, the truth was she had enjoyed having Sian here. Also she was worried about her friend, she'd watched as she'd gone in on herself and it scared Katy more than she was willing to admit.

"As lovely as that offer sounds, and trust me I love your son but I need to find somewhere else. I'm scared every time I walk outside that I'm going to run into Ryan or Michelle." Sian had only seen her husband twice since she walked away and both times he had just stared at her blankly as she spoke. He was hurt she understood that and it was her fault, she deserved the silent treatment from him. But the only way she could make it better between them was by returning back home and that wasn't an option for her anymore. She wanted Sophie and she was planning to win her back. She would piece back every part of Sophie's heart no matter how many times she cut her fingers on the sharp edges. Being divorced by 25 made her feel terrible but at the same time it was better than living a lie.

"Screw 'em." Katy shrugged as she checked the temperate of the milk against her forearm.

"That's easy for you to say. You know what Michelle's like about Ryan." Katy nodded knowingly as Chesney walked into the kitchen with only his boxers on and his son on his hip.

"Sian doesn't want to see you in your underwear, go get dressed." She leaned forward and took Jack from his dad and the little boy snuggled into his mother. Sian watched the exchange with a tender smile. It wouldn't be long before it was her with a baby and the idea made her smile glow. That was until she thought about how she would be doing it alone, she had no doubt that by then Ryan would have come around and he'd want to be involved but she was still going to be a single mother. She'd had fantasies about her and Sophie raising a child together, arguing about who's turn it was to get up in the night. And Sian still wasn't really to let that idea go.

"Maybe she likes it." Chesney flexed his muscles in a few poses before shooting Sian a toothy grin. "Working for you?"

"Someone might have to hold me back because my desire for you is out of this world." She told him sarcastically trying to bite back a chuckle.

"Told ya." He smirked at his wife who rolled her eyes.

"She's patronising you. I'm the only one who wants that body so go cover it up before I go into some crazy jealous rage."

"You're patronising me as well ain't you?" He asked with playful narrowed eyes.

"That obvious?"

"Completely." He leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss on Katy's lips and one to his son's forehead. Sian watched the whole exchange with envy. Chesney went back down the hall while Katy uncapped the bottle and popped into her waiting son's mouth.

"You'd have thought by now he's lean to put something on before he comes out."

"I'm just thankful he has boxers on." Sian held up her hands with a smile. "Because that's one full monty I don't think I can handle seeing."

"He's a grower not a shower." Katy laughed as she watched Sian's face crumble at the mental image she was giving her friend.

"Oh my, delicate little ears in the room." Sian exclaimed.

"He doesn't know what we're talking about." She stated as she looked down at her little boy.

"I wasn't talking about him." They duo chuckled lightly before a comfortable silence fell over them. The only sound was that of Jackson as he sucked on his bottle. Sian watched Katy out of the corner of her eye, a question pressing to come out of her lips, but she wasn't sure if she could ask.

"Just ask it." The brunette called not raising her head.

"What?" She asked taken back by the younger girls words.

"You have been dying to ask me about my conversation with Sophie since yesterday when I called her." Katy told her matter-of-factly and Sian marvelled at how well her friend knew her.

"Well since you brought it up."

"Smooth Conner." Katy instantly regretted her words when she witnessed the blonde physically flinch at the use of her married name. It felt like a blow to Sian's stomach but she fought through and smiled at her friend to let her know that she was okay. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's my name after all." It came out more bitter than she intended. "Is she alright?" No matter what pain she was feeling she needed to know how Sophie was. It had taken all her power to stay away from Sophie and not to turn up on her door begging her, telling her they were meant to be. She was willing to give Sophie time but she was in no way giving up. How can you give up on something that's meant to be? Romeo didn't give up on Juliet and she wasn't going to live her life surrounded with any more what if's. She ignored the part of her mind that argued Romeo and Juliet died because their love consumed them so deeply.

"Well she said she's fine, that's she coping." She wanted to be happy at this yet it stung. "But…" Katy began again and Sian's head snapped up so quickly she thought she heard some bones snap. "I saw Rosie last night when she was heading out with Jason."

"And?" She prompted impatiently.

"She's not alright. I mean she was thin the last time we saw her, Jesus when I hugged her I thought she'd snap." Sian thought the brunette looked thin but she'd been so happy that she was in close proximity to Sophie she hadn't noticed. She silent berated herself for not noticing this about the woman she loved, she hated that this was effecting Sophie. "But apparently she has lost even more weight, she isn't taking care of herself. Rosie's actually worried."

"Jesus." Sian said burying her head in her hands with a deep sigh, feeling the stitches rip from her heart all over again. She knew she had to do something, she just didn't know what and she was certain that Sophie wouldn't except her help anyway. "I should go see her."

"No." Katy answered abruptly almost pulling the bottle out of Jacks mouth. "It's only been three weeks."

"Maybe I can help her."

"Maybe you'll make it worse." The blonde frowned, confused by her friend's dismissal of her suggestion. "Look Sian I love you and I love Sophie. But I think you should stay away." Her words were gentle but Sian felt a slight threat behind them.

"I don't know if I can."

"You've managed for 3 weeks, what's a little longer. Wait until you speak to Ryan about this separation at least."

"I'm not separating from him, I'm divorcing him." The brunette sighed at her friend as her eyes feathered closed.

"I know that's what you're saying now but-"

"There is no buts here Katy, I'm not in love with him. I want to be with Sophie." The older girl exclaimed in a whispered shout. She didn't understand where her friend was coming from with this, Katy had held her while she'd cried about Sophie, a few tears had escaped for her marriage but they had mostly been due to the youngest Webster.

"Sian…" She started gently.

"I'm going to get ready." The blonde stated sharply although she instantly regretted her tone but she made no effort to apologise as she walked away towards the bathroom. Sian knew her anger was irrational, Katy was just trying to protect them both in her own way, but Sian saw it as Katy telling her to back away. Sophie was her other half, she was only a complete person when they were together and she had no intention as spending the rest of her life half a person. So as she washed her face roughly, trying to scrub away her mournful expression before she went to work Sian tried to ignore the nagging voice that told her Katy was right.

Sophie sipped her tea at the table while Blake sat opposite her spooning his cornflakes into his mouth dropping most of them back into his bowl. She chuckled trying to decide if he had got his eating habits from Jason or Rosie.

"Ona g c uo dinsa elm?" He spoke at that Sophie could see his food roll around in his mouth; he definitely got it from his mother she thought with a giggle.

"What was that?" She asked him with amusement, the boy opened his mouth to repeat himself but she quickly put her hand up. "Wait till you've finished eating that mouthful, pretty sure I'm gonna be picking your breakfast out of my hair all morning." He laughed spitting some more of his food out but promptly swallowed before showing his aunt that his mouth was empty. "Go ahead little man."

"I said, you wanna go and watch the new Disney film with me?"

"A cinema full of hyped up children, can't think of anything better." She smiled at him through her sarcastic comment.

"Yay!" He clapped excitedly able to understand that her answer meant yes. "Can we go on Saturday?" He asked his eyes pleading at her.

The truth was Sophie didn't even need to consult her diary, she was free. She was always free, the only time she ventured out of her flat was either for work, food or Blake. It wasn't that she didn't have offers to go out for the evening or out for lunch it was just it was too much effort. Sophie would be expected to pretend that she was happy when in truth she felt like she was dying. With Blake she didn't have to be someone else, he lighted her mood without even trying and when she did feel quiet he would sit and let Sophie hold him. He was too young to understand what was really going on with his aunt but he did seem to be able to sense she was down and the little boy just wanted to help. When she thought it wasn't possible to love and adore him anymore he would prove her wrong.

"Don't see why not." She shrugged.

"Can we have Mcdonalds as well?"

"You know they aren't good you, you know." Sophie told him with a lop sided grin.

"I know, I just don't care." She couldn't stop the laughter and it made her insides smile. The little boy was like her temporary high, she knew it was not possible for him to sort her mood out permanently but it was enough for now. Sophie just focused her life on getting through minute by minute it was too much working day by day, this way hurt less.

"Has anyone seen my shoes?" Rosie came down the stairs with her arms full of dirty clothes.

"There's some there." Blake pointed out before he popped in his final spoonful of cornflakes.

"And there's a black pair behind the couch and I think I saw some red ones under the coffee table." Sophie followed on.

"They're the blue ones with the white bows. Have you not finished your breakfast?" He speedily chewed before sticking his tongue out and showing his mother his empty bowl.

"I have now." He answered with a smirk and jumped off the chair.

"Go up stairs and have a wash, and brush your teeth, don't just run it under the water and pretend that you've done it."

"She knows that trick because that's what she use to do." Sophie teased and was met by a stern look from her sister and Blake chuckled with his whole body at the exchange.

"You're input is unwanted." Rosie informed her younger sister who smirked. "You're uniform is on your bed. Wash, teeth, dressed in twenty minutes or we'll be late, bring your gel down and I'll do your hair." He smiled brightly before running up the stairs.

"I'm going to have to check his breath now to make sure he's brushed thank you very much." Rosie grumbled as she filled up the washing machine, Sophie watched the scene in front of with a small smile. It was hard to believe this was the same girl who had set their kitchen alight. Rosie had grown up so much and although she was still the same at heart the maturity was still surprising.

"You're so welcome."

"If I can't find those shoes I'm gonna have to change." She huffed as she crouched down to look under the table.

"Just wear the black ones." Sophie suggested as she drank the last of her tea.

"They don't go with this outfit."

"Black goes with everything." She offered with a shrug.

"And that is way I'm a fashion icon and you're not." The younger girl rolled her eyes before placing her empty cup into the dish washer.

"So did you pair have a good night?" Rosie asked as she walked around the kitchen on her hands and knees ruthlessly looking for the shoes she desperately wanted, Sophie watched with amusement.

"Yeah we had a great time. Went and took sweets from some strangers, ran around with scissors before we watched some horror movies."

"You're kidding right?" Rosie shot back with her mouth agape.

"Yes Rose, I'm joking. We watched Finding Nemo." Sophie chuckled.

"Aunty Sophie cried." Blake called from the living room.

"Are you dressed and washed already?" Rosie shouted back to him

"I came to get my tooth brush." He called back.

"Why is it down stairs, wait I don't want to know!" She told him as her words were followed by his feet running up the stairs again. "You cried?" Rosie asked standing up and brushing down her clothes.

"It's sad, you think he's dead." Her sister and looked at her sceptically. "Fine. I'm overly emotional. Well as lovely as your company is and I'm only talking about Blake." Rosie swatted her arm playfully. "I need to get to school, I want to grab the classroom with the good projector today."

"Okay, don't forget Sunday." Sophie looked over her shoulder as she picked up her bag with a frown upon her face. "Dinner, mum and dads." The brunette moaned lowly, having completely forgotten. "And no I'm not covering for you again. So you better be there."

"Fine." Sophie threw the strap over her head and smiled to her sister, the gesture hurt her face. "Right, well I shall see you Sunday. Bye Blake!" She called up the stairs.

"Bye Aunty Sophie." She went to open the door when she heard her sister call her and she turned with expectation towards the kitchen.

"You can stop that, it's hurting my eyes." Rosie said and Sophie knotted her brow confused by her sisters words. "Stop pretending you're fine." The breath caught in Sophie's throat and she swallowed it down painfully.

"I am fine." She offered with another fake smile.

"No you're not. You are completely and utterly depressed. You're just putting on this happy-go-lucky façade."

"I'm shocked you even know what façade means." Sophie joked but her sister clearly didn't appreciate it as she placed her hands on her hips with a firm face. "There's no pleasing you. You complain because I'm moping and then you're whining that I'm happy."

"At least when you were miserable you were being honest. You're attempts at smiling are scary. You look like the joker."

"Thanks." Sophie said sadly, she thought she'd been doing well pushing all her pain to the bottom of her heart, but it was obviously seeping out without her being aware of it.

"She left him for you." Rosie said with a small grin and Sophie's eyes darkened.

"Don't. We're not talking about this."

"Maybe you need to talk about this." Rosie shot back and Sophie's jaw set in annoyance.

"I can't do this now I've got work."

"Run away again Soph, you're getting good at that." The older woman knew it was a low blow even before it left her mouth, but she wanted to get through to her sister. However nothing was said again between them and the only sound was that of the door slamming causing the pictures on the wall to shake.

Sian walked across the cobbles to grab a newspaper and her morning coffee (well tea). She missed her strong shot of caffeine in the morning as it kick started her mind to catch up with her body. But she

knew it was bad for the baby so she had put a firm stop it. She attempted to delude herself that the tea tasted the same; it didn't no matter what she told herself.

As she was approaching the shop she noticed Ryan walking towards Roy's, when they made eye contact however he stopped in his tracks and began to hurry in another direction. Sian knew that she should just go

get her paper, she knew that she should enter the Kabin and leave her husband alone. She knew he needed time and she had to wait for him to be ready to talk to her. Yes Sian knew all of that but it didn't stop the fiery side of her rearing it's head as she hurried after him. They needed to talk, she had an appointment for a sonogram and she wanted him to be there because everything else aside this baby was his.

"Ryan!" She called after him but the man kept his head down and continued his retreat. "Ryan stop will you." Picking up her pace Sian reached out and managed to loop her hand around his elbow yanking Ryan

to a stop. "Ryan, you can't just keep ignoring me."

He didn't say anything just looked down at his feet which only caused Sian's frustrations to grow. She understood that she needed to be more patient with him, after all it had been her who had caused him to

behave like this but in no way did that mean she was happy about it. Looking at him she wished that she could erase the last two years and save everyone from the mess she had caused.

"Please Ryan. Look at me." Her voice virtually pleading, it hurt to know the man she married couldn't even look her in the eye. "Please."

"I can't." He finally spoke. "I have to go to work." He stated but Sian refused to loosen her grip.

"It's Friday, you don't work Fridays." She chuckled lightly. "Have you forgotten I'm married to you, I know when you work."

"Me forgotten we're married? It wasn't me who walked out the door." Sian screwed up her face regretting her words to him, but even as he spat the words out he still refused to lift his head.

"I know and I'm sorry."

"Don't bother. I heard enough sorrys from you. And you're only saying it because you want me to forgive you and I don't." Finally he raised his eyes to look at his wife and Sian saw the harshness to his usual soft orbs.

"Ryan." She said quietly hating his hard exterior, hating the way he was looking not at her but through her. "I'm not expecting you to forgive me."

"Then what do you want?" He spat out folding his arms across his chest as though protecting his heart.

"I have a sonogram."

He laughed bitterly and she felt the edges of it cut across her flesh. "And what? You want me there."

"I thought perhaps you might want to be there."

"To be part of some lie. Pretending that we get on, that we're some happy family." He scoffed and she flinched.

"I know I've hurt you-"

"Hurt me? That's the biggest understatement I've ever heard. I love you. I married you for fuck sake. I thought this was forever you and me."

"I did too." She tried to comfort him but she couldn't help the nagging voice in the back of her mind that said _'no you didn't.'_

"Don't lie. Don't you think you've done enough of that. You've been lying the moment you said yes to my proposal. You lied when you said I do, you lied every time we made love. And now you want us to lie and

pretend that everything is fine and go to the sonogram!" He shouted at her the anger was bubbling over inside him and Sian silently cursed herself for chasing after him. She wanted to refute his claims to say that she never mislead him with her feelings but she couldn't.

"This is your child Ryan, I thought perhaps you would to be involved." She tried to reason.

"Is it though?" He shot back venomously.

"What?"

"Is it mine? I don't know. Maybe that's how you got into chambers laying on your back and opening your legs." It wasn't the fact that he was accusing her of an affair that stung it was that he accused her of getting ahead by anything other than her ability. She just stared at him open mouthed in complete shock.

"How can you say that. This baby is yours Ryan."

"Well perhaps I don't want it. I don't want to be reminded of you. I just want you to fuck off and die somewhere!" The words seemed to even surprise himself as tears tickled the back of Sian's blue eyes.

"Hey! Back off!" The raised voice came from behind the blonde, as she looked over her shoulder she saw Sophie jogging towards them. For the first time in a long while she was not happy to see the brunette. She

didn't want Sophie to see her like this, brawling with her husband in the middle of the street. She didn't want to give her love a tainted image of herself.

"Oh surprise, surprise. Ten years on and I'm still in a relationship with three people." Ryan laughed but his eyes seemed dead.

"Just calm down okay." Sophie said gently as she stood beside the blonde looking up at Ryan who's face was almost bright red with rage, but Sophie knew there was pain behind his angry outer walls.

"This is nothing to do with you Sophie." He dismissed.

"It is when you're having a go at her in the middle of the street." She argued as she placed a tentative hand on Sian's back. She turned to look at the blonde who had her eyes trained to the floor.

"Oh I get it. Get your dyke of an ex involved. It must eat you up that she picked me over you. Well take her back she's all yours. I can't even bare to look at her."

"Don't talk to her like that." Sian retorted her head snapping up. He could say what he wanted to her, hurt her with cruel words but she would never allow him to talk to Sophie in such a manner.

"Or what? You'll leave me again. Bring me down some more? What? You've made a complete and utter fucking fool of me. I don't want anything to do with you or that baby!" He shouted his voice reverberating off the houses surrounding them as the sound came back like a wave against the blonde. Unable to stand it any longer, her husband was gone, there only stood a shell in front of her. Sian ran.

The blonde didn't stop running until she was at the end of the street and she felt like her legs were going to give away. She was completely embarrassed, having Sophie hearing all of that. Ryan was a mess she understood that and took full responsibility for this, she had been the one to pull the carpet out from under him. She warranted his dark mood, but she wished that Sophie had not been their to witness it. The warm fat tears fell slowly down her cheeks and she was happy to let them fall, however she heard heavy footsteps approaching swiftly. She quickly wiped at her wet eyes because she didn't want Ryan to see her like this, it would have little effect on him anyway as they entered into round two. Sniffling she turned to greet him but was shocked to see Sophie walking closer to her. Sian contemplated walking towards her but she doubted that her legs would carry her so she let Sophie close the distance between them. Opening her mouth to speak nothing came out but it didn't matter because Sophie took one final step and wrapped her arms around Sian both tenderly and gently. The blonde stood tense for a moment waiting for her brain to catch up with the events and before she could stop them, sobs rattled through her and she almost fell into Sophie's arms. It was a reunion, although it wasn't how she expected her next encounter with the brunette to go, this meant so much more to her. She cried for herself, she cried for Ryan, she cried for the baby but most of all she cried for them. If tears could heal a broken heart, then she'd be able to repair the whole world.

After a long while Sophie let go of the girl who had held her so tightly in her embrace. She did not know how long they had been standing there holding each other, but it had been a second too long. Sophie smiled at the tear soaked girl. "Thank you Sophie." Sian finally choked out and the younger girl smiled strictly, trying to reel in her emotions.

"This doesn't change anything Sian, it's just against my better judgement I came in here." The truth was it had been an instant decision, she had given Ryan a hard look of disapproval before turning after the blonde. But she couldn't admit that aloud.

"I understand." Sian finally said but having the girl hold her had caused her entire body to tingle with feelings, it had felt warm and a beautiful mess all at once. "I'm glad you came."

"You're welcome." Sophie was going to leave having given the girl all the comfort that her heart would allow, she nodded and turned to leave.

"Me and Ryan…" The blonde wanted to say so much to the other girl, explain about her and Ryan, tell her about the baby, but she really didn't know where to start with it all; that there was no way back for her and her husband, that she meant it when she said she was leaving him.

"I'm not quite ready to sit and listen to your relationship problems just yet." Sophie said honestly, although Sian had turned up on her door claiming they had separated she expected that Sian and Ryan would be back together soon. Even as teenagers they were always breaking up and getting back together, even after the harsh words she had just witnessed, plus Sian hated being alone and now she was pregnant even more reason to go back. "We aren't just suddenly back to normal." She finished.

"I know that, but you came after me?" Sian had wanted to see more in this action than what was actually there and the realisation stung as Sophie lifted the corners of her mouth into the saddest smile Sian had ever seen.

"Because for a longest time I loved you, and I can't just switch that off and neither can I forget what happened between us. Baby steps. Maybe one day we can be…friends" Sophie explained staring hard into blue eyes. The word 'loved' rattled in Sian's brain, and she started to think that maybe it was too late, everything had changed and she felt the hammer strike against her heart.

"That night Soph…" She began.

"Don't, now isn't the time." Sophie stopped her knowing where the conversation was heading, she couldn't hear it.

"There will be a time for all of this?" Sian inquired, she knew she was pushing the brunette but she longed for the moment that she could confess about everything that plagued her mind. To have a moment of just them together so they could talk even if it was just as 'friends' which was the last thing she wanted.

"Eventually." the younger girl did want to hear what the other girl had to say, even if her brain called her a fool. However she wanted it to be at a time when it would not effect her so deeply, when maybe the wounds weren't so exposed and raw. Her feelings for Sian were still tender and could tip her either way and she didn't have the energy to pick herself back up right now, she wanted to be stable in their 'friendship' if that was even possible.

"Well thank you for coming, when I needed someone."

Sophie just smiled as she walked away, glad that she had been there for the blonde but knew that she had to leave. She had been split when she'd seen Sian rush off, it had been the tears that glistened in the blonde's eyes that had caused her to go after her. Sophie knew that she should probably not have gone, sometimes the right thing is indeed also the wrong way forward. Holding Sian had caused too many emotions to surge through her body and she wished she had a switch that she could flick off. She hated the way Sian made her feel, she hated the way that the blonde had such an influence on her. But she couldn't bring herself to hate the love she had for the blonde and perhaps that was what hurt most.

Sophie pulled her car up to her apartment, stopping the car she just sat there for five minutes. The encounter with Sian was still playing on her mind and she looked down at her phone that sat on the passenger seat. Picking it up she scrolled through her contact list until she found Sian's number looking out at her. Her finger hovered over the call button as she tried to convince herself it was a good idea. It had only been nine hours since they had stood together on the street and nine hours since she had mentioned them trying for a friendship. She did what to be Sian's friend she repeated it to herself as though if she thought it enough she would eventually believe it. It had nothing to do with the fact that she desperately wanted the blonde close to her again, wanted their bodies to fit together, and it had nothing to do with wanting to feel those soft lips moving against her own. With a frustrated growl she threw her phone into her bag and exited her vehicle. She missed the days when she was a child when the only pain she had to worry about were skinned knees instead of skinned hearts; it was much simpler.

As she popped her key into the lock she thought she could hear Damien Rice playing softly and she frowned before she turned the key and pushed her door open. The music was definitely coming from her living room, it couldn't have been Rosie, she thought Damien Rice was a type of Indian food. Attentively she walked towards the music and poked her head around the doorframe and looked around the empty room. It was then that an intoxicating aroma caught her senses, taking a sniff she realised it was cooking coming from her kitchen. It was definitely not a burglar, because she doubted very much they would come in to not only cook themselves a meal but also listen to her music. Eyeing her closed kitchen door she took careful steps towards the source of the smell and slowly she pushed the door open, the sight caught in her throat.

"Hey." Sian said who was standing in her kitchen a tea towel over her shoulder and a knife in her hand as she cut up vegetables.

"W-what are you doing here?" Sophie stuttered out, her brain was having trouble piecing the scene together.

"I'm cooking you dinner and there is a bath waiting for you." The blonde explained with a wide smile.

"That still doesn't answer my question." She shot back folding her arms defensively across her chest.

"I-you aren't looking after yourself."

"I'm looking after myself fine…And even if I wasn't it's not your job to look after me." The words were sharp and she saw the blonde wince. Sophie didn't intend to be so hard but she had to be, she had to put her walls up otherwise Sian would find her way through and she couldn't risk it. She thought it was odd considering no more than two minutes ago she had been about to call Sian. Sophie was becoming use to her warring emotions, the constant push and pull they put her through.

"I know. But I wanted to." Sian said simply taking in Sophie's appearance finally. This morning had been a whirlwind but now Katy's words echoed in her head and she instantly noted the weight loss of the brunette. She still looked beautiful, Sian thought it was impossible for her not to, but she looked thin and her clothes hung off her and Sian hated herself for being so self absorbed that she had not noticed until now. Sophie looked pale which evidently made her blue eyes stand out more, blue eyes that looked sad and tired. Knowing it had been her that caused this visible change made the blonde want to be physically sick.

"You shouldn't be here." Sophie stated feeling uncomfortable under Sian's intense gaze and she shifted her feet to take a step back. "This morning, I, it..." She sighed cursing herself for being unable to form sentences. Sian seemed to look more gorgeous every time she saw her and it was utterly distracting. The worst part was that she had to continually remind herself to keep away, to not wrap her arms around the blonde and it was exhausting.

"I know what this morning was." Came the sad reply. "But I just wanted to do something so I cooked you chicken chasseur."

"That's my favourite." Sophie said despite herself.

"I know that as well."

"I can't do this." She said quietly and she couldn't decide if it was directed to Sian or herself.

"Go have a bath. I'll finish this and put it in the oven. I'll be gone when you get out." In all fairness it was more than Sian had expected. She had thought Sophie would come barging in and instantly kick her out. The light behind Sophie's eyes was fading and it broke Sian's heart, she wanted nothing more than to see them shine again. "I told you I wasn't giving up Sophie." The brunette just nodded and turned to walk down the hallway to her bathroom.

Stepping inside the bathroom she shut the door quickly behind her and leaned against it letting out a long breath. Tears were burning to escape and now alone she let them fall. Through her blurred vision she looked at her usual boring bathroom, there were candles lighting up the room and the bubble filled bath smelled of jasmine. It made her heart ache. Changing and slipping inside she cried silently knowing the girl she loved was just beyond that door preparing her dinner. This was one of those perfect moments you dream of when you find the one. Coming home to find a bath waiting and dinner being cooked, and yet it was breaking Sophie. Life was anything but fair. The hot water relieved some of the stress coursing through her and she was silently thankful for it. Cocking her head slightly she noticed the change of song and could do nothing but smile at the familiar tune.

'_I'd catch a grenade for ya,_

_Throw my hand on a blade for ya,_

_I'd jump in front of a train for ya,_

_You know I'd do anything for ya._

_I would go through all this pain,_

_Take a bullet straight through my brain_.'

Bruno Mars, it had been her and Sian's album during their first year of college, they had played it so much the CD had eventually worn out and had to be replaced. Many of the songs reminded her of the blonde and due to this she had not listened to the album for a long while, it was too painful. On this instance however she was transported to her back to the builders yard as she sat on the couch revising for her AS levels, Sian sang the chorus to her while sitting at the desk. It was late in the evening but her parents had been fighting and they had escaped for some quiet.

~x~x~

"_Throw my hand on a blade for ya." She sang and Sophie chuckled._

"_You know that would hurt." Sophie said as she pointed her pen at Sian who smiled playfully._

"_Yeah, I think that's the point. I'd do anything for you no matter how much it hurt." There was a proud expression on her face it made Sophie fall more in love with her all over again, it still amazed her how her love for the blonde grew almost daily. _

"_You such a charmer Powers."_

"_That's why you love me, that and my body." She winked and Sophie couldn't fight the blush. They hadn't slept together but they were getting closer and closer to it all the time. It was becoming harder to stop herself._

"_Oh and you're cocky I forgot that." Sophie finally spoke although her throat and become dry, she took a gulp of her orange juice to try and get some moisture._

"_Are you thinking about me naked?" Sophie chocked on the liquid and tried to cover it with a cough. "Thought so." She laughed and Sophie felt her face burn. "Oi, don't go all embarrassed. I think about you naked all the time." Sian stated trying to ease her girlfriend._

"_Can we not talk about this." Sophie said looking down at her text book and therefore could not see Sian frowning at her._

"_I'm not trying to push you Soph." Sian was instantly regretting her playful teasing._

"_Yeah I know that, it's just hard." Her voice was barely a whisper._

"_What's hard?" Sian asked softly._

"_Keeping my vow and when you talk like that I just want, well you know." Sian couldn't stop the smile pulling at her mouth and she instantly felt her heart beat quickly. She had been so worried that it was just her who wanted to sleep together, and that perhaps Sophie wasn't interested in her in that way. She had been too scared to approach the subject just in case she was right. _

"_I know. But there's no rush. I'm not going anywhere. I plan on marrying you one day Sophie Webster."_

"_What?" Sophie's head shot up so quickly and although Sian felt herself blush at her declaration she didn't retract it. _

"_You heard me."_

"_You mean that? About marrying me?" She asked shyly, biting her inner cheek._

"_With all my heart." Sophie swallowed hard as she stood up placing her books down on the floor, she reached out her hand to Sian who accepted it. The brunette tugged her upwards from the chair. "Where are we going?" Sian asked confused as Sophie led her back towards the couch she had been previously laying on. _

"_Over here."_

"_Why?" _

"_Because I love you, and one day I plan on saying yes when you propose. So I don't see why we should wait."_

"_Are you saying…" Sian asked her heart suddenly pounding against her chest with so much force she worried it might break through. Sophie nodded silently they stood facing each other. "Are you sure?"_

"_Yes. I don't want anyone else. I want my first time to be with you." Sian smiled goofily placed her hands gently on Sophie's waist. _

"_Hey! Who say's I'm going to be the one proposing?" She joked as Sophie wrapped her arms around her girlfriend's neck before leaning forward and placing a chaste kiss on her lips. _

"_You're ruining the moment." Sophie said lightly while Sian mimed zipping her lips closed. _

"_No more talking from me." _

"_Good." With that she inclined forward until her lips contacted with the blondes again, it was soft and gentle, leisurely they're lips moved against each other. Sian felt Sophie tremble against her and she pulled her closer, trying to ease the brunette's nerves while trying to control her own. Sian pulled back and held Sophie's flushed face between her hands._

"_Are you sure?"_

"_Yes." She said slowly, she really was ready, her body was vibrating with desire._

"_I love you."_

"_I love you too."_

"_Forever_."

~x~x~

Sophie slipped her eyes open and left the memory where it belong in the past. She remembered that night so clearly, how nervous they had been, they had constantly been reassuring each other, shyly telling the other how they liked it like that, 'a bit harder' or 'you can use another.' It wasn't the Hollywood sex scenes you see on movies, there had been awkward moments. There was no bed, no candles or scattered rose petals. But that was fairy tale's and pre-planned events , they had been impulsive and it was so much better than the dreams she'd had about her first time. It was perfect. Her body ached to go back to that time when everything was ideal and they believed that love lasted forever because anything less just wasn't good enough. Back to a time when saying 'I love you' meant everything instead of now when it meant pain.

Half an hour later she finally managed to pull herself out of the bath and she wrapped her robe around herself and walked back to find her empty kitchen. She could smell the food and it made her mouth water. She hated to admit that Sian was right, Sophie hadn't been taking the best care of herself, she didn't eat much and although she washed, it was mostly a quick shower. It felt good to have had half an hour just to relax and she couldn't deny the thought of having Sian outside the door helped with that.

Walking towards the table she picked up the note that had her name scribbled on it in Sian's curled handwriting. _'I'm sorry for interfering. I just want to make sure you're okay. I want to look after you Sophie, I know this will take time. There's no rush I'm not going anywhere. Love always Sian x' _

The words on the written page struck a chord as she recalled the memory of their first time together. Clearly Sian had gotten lost in the same memory and it made Sophie smile even though she knew she shouldn't. Her brain told her that she should be angry about everything Sian had done but her heart squealed with joy and Sophie wouldn't deny her heart this moment of pleasure. Because the truth was Sophie knew she wasn't taking care of herself properly, what was the point feeding her body when it already felt dead. So taking the food out of the oven she placed it on the table and began to eat alone…her heart sighed.


	7. Chapter 7

Sian had finally moved into her own flat, she had forgone the option of buying a house and decided upon renting. Every house seemed like a vast empty space that she couldn't possible fill, all the vacant rooms where like a slap in the face. Her first thought when seeing the blank space was all the ways her and Sophie could fill it and then it came crashing back to her that Sophie wasn't hers. It was like her heart was constantly trying to trick her only to keep ripping open her wounds. Sophie hadn't even called or text her since she had turned up at the brunette's. She wanted to say she hadn't expected any contact but her hope had built itself up only to come tumbling back down when days and then weeks had passed. Seven weeks later and she hadn't even seen Sophie; she'd sent her flowers and the odd text message but nothing. She had wanted to ask Katy on many occasions if she had heard from Sophie if the younger girl had mentioned at all, but she was too scared.

Tenderly she hugged her small baby bump, wishing that she was bringing this little one into more of a normal world, a more complete world. She had contemplated for one brief moment about returning back to Ryan just so that this baby had two parents but instantly she had cursed herself for that impulsive thought. Her child was better off having two parents who were separated and happy than having them together and miserable. She remembered how her own parents would fight for hours before they finally went their separate ways and she was not going to put a child of hers through that. But more than anything she wanted Sophie's soft hands on her stomach, rubbing circles peacefully, but instead it was her own hands holding herself.

"Here alright sweetheart?" She popped her head up to look at the taxi driver and smiled as genuinely as she could.

"This is fine." Handing over the money she shimmied out of the cab and stood on the ever familiar street. This one place would always feel more like home than any other place in the world. It was like gravity pulling her here, it was pointless to fight it; Coronation Street held all her happiest memories and she never wanted to be free of those so she came back.

As she walked down the street, she could smell the scent before her eyes spotted the brunette jogging across the road. Sian didn't know whether Sophie had seen her but decided to keep on walking and it didn't really matter as Sian sped up her pace until she found herself walking beside her. It would have been a lie to say she hadn't expected to see the brunette tonight, it was Chesney's birthday and it would have also been a lie to say she hadn't changed her outfit over ten times trying to find something flattering. Sian had practiced so many conversations in her mind about what she would say tonight and right now she worried about what would leave her lips. But that didn't stop her as she closed the last remaining gap between them.

"So…why are maths books so unhappy?" Sophie spun to her side shocked by the voice interrupting her thoughts; it was as if her mind had conjured Sian up into reality. The blonde stood there with a soft smile her head tilted to the side. Inside Sian cursed herself for how she had chosen to start their first exchange in weeks.

"Huh?" Sophie replied as she continued to walk and Sian stayed by her side.

"Why are maths books so unhappy?" She repeated already smiling to herself as she thought of the punch line.

"I didn't realise books had feelings." Sophie injected and she witnessed Sian's face drop. "Sorry why are they unhappy?"

"Because they are full of problems." Sian let out a small burst of laughter all the while Sophie kept a straight face. "Come on, that was funny."

"Joke book, you may want to buy one."

"I'm naturally funny, I just saw you walking along with no smile on your face and I thought I might share my gift."

"You might want to find your gift first." Sophie chuckled lightly as they stopped by the kerb waiting for a couple of cars to pass. "Maybe you are funny."

"I do prefer it when people are laughing with me rather than at me, but I will take what I can get." The two girls were now standing face to face and Sian had to remind herself to breathe as she got caught in blue eyes.

"Thanks though." Sophie said as she began to cross the road.

"For what? Making you laugh?" Sian asked after her.

"For attempting it." Sophie turned back with a small smirk before walking on and Sian had to jog lightly to keep up. Sophie looked at the blonde from the corner of her eye. "You're starting to show." She stated simply as they approached the front of The Rovers.

Sian looked down self-consciously at her jeans and baggy silk top, she had thought it covered herself. "Yeah." She said quietly before trying to push through it. "I'll look like a beached whale soon." She laughed but Sophie knew she had made the girl uncomfortable and regretted it immediately. Sophie took a couple of steps towards the door but Sian held back, she wanted to be right next to Sophie soaking in her natural warmth. But she also wanted to give the girl space, and although it was only a few centimetres she wanted to prove to herself and to the brunette that she could respect her wishes. She was well aware that she could not just cook the girl a meal and play meaningful songs and have everything go back to how it was. So Sian stood in the same spot as though her feet were made of stone, and ignore every urge to reach out and touch her love.

Sophie gripped the door handle but stopped and looked over her shoulder towards Sian. "You'll be beautiful; you could never be anything short of beautiful." Giving the door a final pull she slipped inside, she ignored the way her head was spinning and her heart was pounding as she'd uttered those words. She had always relied on her head to keep her focused, to tell her what the right thing was, but it seemed to be changing teams on her. For a split second she thought she heard her brain whispering for her to go back outside to the blonde and never let her go. Luckily the music inside the pub drowned out whatever it was trying to say. Ever since Sian had turned up at her house she hadn't been able to think correctly, everything she thought she knew seemed wrong and bile slipped up into her throat each time she thought about the night Sian knocked on her door in the rain. It was all so confusing and Sophie welcomed the distraction of Chesney's birthday.

As Sophie stood in the threshold of the pub she looked around for her friends, the hairs all over her body stood up as her body sensed that Sian had entered as well. She was well aware that Sian would be coming tonight and although it had put her off coming for a split second, she had still decided to come. She argued that it was because Chesney was one of her oldest friends but a little voice said she was fooling herself. Sophie turned and smiled to Sian because on the outside, to the world they still pretended to be the best of friends, but if you looked closer you could see the cracks. The duo were barely hanging on by a thread, they were broken inside, bleeding out into the world, yet no one seemed to notice, only those who took the time to watch them.

"Well nice of you to show up." Chesney said as he came bounding over wrapping his arm's tightly around Sophie and she hugged him back with as much enthusiasm. Sophie smiled and leaned into the familiar embrace. "Hey, what took you so long?" He changed his attention to Sian who stood just behind Sophie, releasing the younger girl he stepped forward and pulled Sian into a fierce hug and the swayed gently to side to side.

"What can we say, perfection take's time." Sian chipped in. Sophie smiled at the exchanged before she slipped off to speak to her sister who was sitting across from the bar. She thought she'd be able to get through the evening without the temptation taking hold but it was more difficult that she had imagined. Her brain was slowly joining forces with her heart and she knew that soon she wouldn't be able to resist any longer. In this moment she was starting to question why she was even resisting it at all.

"And there is nothing more perfect that you and Sophie, kissing, getting all sweaty and…ow." He yelped as the back of Katy's hand made contact with the back of his head.

"You are such a perv." His wife told him who had appeared beside them. Sian gazed over to Sophie who seemed to have been out of ear shot to hear his words.

"But you love me right?" He asked with a puppy dog face.

"Of course." The blonde chuckled.

"So does that mean you two and me could-" The ginger man quickly stopped his sentence when he saw Katy swing her arm back ready to connect with his stomach. "Watch a movie sometime." This caused the woman to stop her on coming abuse. "What did you think I was going to say…shame on you babe get your mind out the gutter. Sometimes I think you don't know me at all." He chuckled lightly.

"Shut up." Katy said light heartedly before leaning in closer to her female friend. "So did you and Sophie come together?" Sian gazed over to the brunette who seemed to be laughing at something Rosie was saying to her.

"We walked through the doors together if that's what you mean." She shrugged but she could feel Katy's eyes heavy upon her. "What?"

"Be careful." It was a warning but there was also a softness of her voice and Sian smiled sadly before nodding her head and walking to the bar pulling Chesney with her.

"Since I can't drink I plan on getting you very drunk."

"That seems like a great plan." He almost cheered.

An hour later Sophie was leaning over the bar waiting for Steve to come over with her shots and another round of drinks. "Having fun?" Katy asked as she saddled up beside the brunette, Sophie could smell the vodka on her young friends breath as the question brought Sophie's attention back, she had been watching Sian out of the corner of her eye. Sophie had been unable to stop herself watching Sian all night; her eyes were drawn to the blonde as she fluttered from person to person sharing exchanges. She was heart breakingly, Hollywood star, earth shatteringly beautiful. Taking a deep breath and slapping on her standard smile she turned sharply to her friend. Although, the smile wasn't as hard to fake as usual with the alcohol coursing through her body.

"Hell yes I am, I'm drunk and I'm merry, shot me up girl." And the other woman burst out laughing at Sophie's enthusiastic shout. As if by cue Steve returned with the drinks she'd ordered and she handed over the money.

"Great, Sian is boring not being able to drink." Katy smiled as she looked at Sophie subtly and the brunette just shrugged as though the sound of Sian's name didn't cut her through to the core. Sophie just wanted to drink tonight, to try and forget about the natural pull she had to the blonde. Being strong was taking all her effort and she continued to try and tell herself she had made the right choice. If she continued to repeat it enough surely it would be true. She pushed two shot glasses over to Katy.

"Who did you order the shots for?" Katy eyed the four small glasses of liquid.

"Two were for you." Sophie exclaimed brightly.

"Are you a mind reader now? Just predicted I was going to come over eh?" Katy chuckled while Sophie looked guilty. In truth she had ordered them all for herself in some weird hope that it would stop her from looking over at Sian.

"Yeah did you not know that?" Sophie chuckled lightly before necking one of the shots, enjoying the liquid burning her throat. Squeezing her eyes shut she savoured the bitter sharp taste and the moment they shot back open her eyes automatically landed on Sian. She opened her mouth to say something to Katy about Sian, ask her how she was, how the baby was but she noticed Maria and David standing the other side of her. They started up a conversation with Katy and when talk was directed at her she nodded and laughed at the right times. All the while she couldn't stop herself from watching the blonde. Sophie as slyly as possible while Maria and David chatted about a new look for the salon, Sophie kept a close watch on Sian. She was trying to keep in with the conversation, but she could not give them her full attention.

The blonde was fully aware of the looks from Sophie, enjoying the occasional glance from the brunette and it was building up all her hopes, letting her know that her hard work was having an effect on Sophie. She didn't care how long it was going to take, she was going to knock down every section of the wall protecting the younger girls heart.

Sophie smiled to the trio before slightly stumbling over to an empty chair and sat down on it wishing that the room would stop spinning. She needed to stop drinking, but she was too scared that she'd find herself moving across the room to Sian, maybe slip her arm around the blonde's thin waist, tilt her head back and place her lips against hers. She was so lost in her thoughts that she was not aware of the person who had crept on the seat beside her.

"Sophie…Soph?" Startled she turned to her right to see Tina sitting beside her with a small smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. "Hey."

"Hi." Sophie said brightly but she knew the happiness was only due to the alcohol running through her body, like most things in her life it was fake.

"Having fun?"

"Yeah, you?"

"It's good, although I'm gonna be scrapping Graeme off the bar soon." Tina gestured to the male at the bar who was now doing shots of tequila with Maria and Katy. "It was Sian wasn't it?" Sophie looked up with deep creases in her forehead taken back by Tina's change of subject.

"What was Sian?"

"That night we talked, you said you loved someone who was married." Sophie slowly closed her eyes as the realisation sunk in.

"No it wasn't." She rejected the idea with an over the top shrug and Tina looked at her sceptically. "Was that not believable enough?" The brunette asked pitifully with downcast eyebrows.

"Not really." she replied with a throaty chuckle.

"Can I have another go?"

"Are you alright?" Tina asked gently as she placed her hand on Sophie's knee. It was strange that the secret that had bonded Sophie and Sian together was slowly seeping out. She had truly believed they were fooling everyone.

"I'm fine." Fidgeting she refused to meet the dark haired girls eye, she wasn't sure she was strong enough to beat off her emotions.

"I can see that." There was a sarcastic edge to her voice and feeling slightly braver she looked up to see Tina looking across at her softly.

Tina watched Sophie as the woman looked off into the distance contemplating everything that was clearly rushing around in her mind. "I think regret is the worst pain there is you know."

The younger woman looked over frowning at the words uttered by the woman she had known since she was a teen. "I think guilt is pretty high up there." Sophie offered back.

With a shrug the Tina continued her point, "guilt is bad and so is sadness, but regret, I think that regret is a combination of them both."

"What are you trying to say?" Sophie asked nervously biting her bottom lip.

"She left him." It was a short statement, but the brunette knew what she was referring to and sighed.

"Doesn't make it simple though."

"Because she's pregnant?" Sophie eyed her suspiciously through narrowed eyes, amazed by the woman's perception.

"Because of a million reason like…" She trailed off because at this moment she couldn't pin point a single one of them. She couldn't think of one reason why she was not with Sian and she wasn't sure if it was due to the alcohol or because she could feel her resolve crumbling.

"None of those reason matter. Because when it comes to loving someone it is that simple." Sophie looked at Tina hard, trying to understand where this conversation was suddenly coming from. "Don't look at me like that; we're all allowed moments of insightfulment."

"Insighfulment isn't a word." She shot back with a quirked eyebrow.

"Even drunk you're still a teacher eh?"

"A leopard can't change its spots."

"A leopard can't change its heart either." Tina said pointedly and Sophie felt tears hit the back of her eyes. "I don't know why I'm saying this, but I remember you pair as teenagers you seemed so happy." A delicate smile came across the older woman's mouth as she recalled the duo.

"We aren't teenagers anymore."

"No but first love, it's crazy and stupid and completely unpredictable. So if you have something like that, you can't let it go." Tina gently squeezed Sophie's thigh one more time to enforce her words and the brunette quickly wiped away a stray tear before it fell.

"Babe, come drink with us!" Graeme suddenly exclaimed from the bar as he came and pulled his girlfriend's hand.

"Tina?" Sophie called quietly and the woman stopped and looked back at her. "Thank you."

"Anytime." And just like that she walked off to the bar as though the moment had never occurred between them.

The discussion that had just happened seemed to have sobered her up slightly and standing up on steady feet she stood up her eyes finding her love instantly and a smile spread across Sophie's face as a warmth filled her up. Sian was in the middle of a funny story when she felt the eyes on her and knew immediately who they belonged to. It was if the blue orbs were gazing through her flesh right into her soul and she found it slightly disarming but she also enjoyed it. Sian stopped talking and turned to face the brunette, she had not intended to greet the girl with a smile, but the grin had appeared on her face as if by magic. They stared at each other for a while before either even considered speaking. Sian stood drinking in how beautiful the girl in front of her looked. Slowly they walked towards each other the smile on their faces growing with every step they took.

"Hey." Sian said cheerily. "Drunk?"

"A prefer the word tipsy."

"Even if it is complete understated." They chuckled and Sophie looked up through her eyelashes at the blonde, Sian had to remind herself to breathe.

"Perhaps a little."

"Well you were always a cute drunk." Sian flirted and Sophie blushed.

"Even that time I puked on your shoes?" She laughed and Sian wished she could preserve that sound forever, bottle it and open it up whenever she felt down and needed cheering up.

"Even then." She smiled sweetly.

"Enjoying yourself are we?" The sharp tone ripped through their exchanged and both girls turned abruptly to find Michelle standing there with her arms folded tightly across her chest. "Ryan's sitting at home and you're just living it up?" Her tone was bitter and cut right into the blonde almost causing her to flinch.

"Michelle I really don't think now is the time." Sian said as she looked around the pub not wanting to bring attention to them.

"When would be the time? Just after you found you were pregnant, wait no that was the right time to break my son's heart."

The blonde opened her mouth to speak but she wasn't sure what she could say to damper the woman's temper or end the conversation. "Leave it alone." Luckily for her, Sophie interjected at that moment and Sian wanted to reach out and hold her hand.

"This is nothing to do with you Sophie."

"It is when you're talking to my friend like that." Sian couldn't stop the pride that coursed through her body at the way Sophie was standing up for, she was so strong.

"How can you stand beside her? She's poison." The younger girl opened her mouth to interrupt again but Michelle quickly went on. "She married Ryan knowing full well she wasn't in love with him. She led him along, fed him lies. She ruined him. And yet here you stand right beside her just like when you were younger. I thought you were smarter than that Sophie."

"She's a good person." Sophie stated. It was true, Sian had made a mistake and the brunette accepted her part in the break-up of the marriage. And no matter what Sian had or hadn't done she would stand beside the blonde even if the world was fall down.

"She destroys everything she touches!" Michelle shouted clearly losing control of the temper she was trying to keep close. The blonde felt hot under the collar as she felt eyes from around the room fall on her. "She acts like she can do no wrong, like butter wouldn't melt. But deep down she wrecks people, she plants a seed and watches as people decay from the in-"

"Oi golden oldie!" Sian spun her head to face Katy's booming voice as it cut across the pub. Her friend strode over her jaw set. "This is Chesney's birthday and the only one who gets to ruin my husband's day is me. So why don't you show yourself out."

Michelle looked like she was going to argue but Sophie stepped in front of the blonde as though she was a human shield. "You heard her." Sophie firmly said as she reached her hand behind herself until she found Sian's fingers. The blonde swallowed hard at the gesture and the beauty of it almost made her want to cry. The older woman eyed Sian before holding up her hands in defeat and exiting the pub.

"Do not let her ruin your night." Katy said firmly as she approached her friends and Sian reluctantly felt Sophie draw her hand away.

"I think I should just go." The blonde said trying to avoid the eye contact of other people who were still staring.

"No. You are staying. We are going to sit down right over there and enjoy the rest of the evening." Sophie said with a playful resolute voice.

"I forgot how demanding you can be." Sian teased but there was sadness to her voice. Katy watched the exchange between the lovers and smiled and as she backed away she gave a thumbs up sign to Sian behind the brunette's back. Sian smiled forlornly to her friend as she looked back to Sophie before taking a seat.

"You should ignore her."

"Easier said than done."

"What she said, don't you dare for a second believe it."

"You're drunk." Sian said slightly bitterly because she couldn't bring herself to believe any deeper. Sophie looked at the blonde with sad eyes wanting to say a million different things.

The girls sat in silence, they knew there was much to be said and one of them needed to speak before the moment passed. "Sian I have to tell you something." The bravery was rising up in the brunette and for the first time in a long time she felt ready to admit her feelings, not to simply ignore them and not try to push them down and maybe she was even now ready to do something about it. Maybe it was because of the amount she had drunk that was fogging her judgement but perhaps it wasn't. What if she woke up tomorrow morning with Sian in her arms, what if they were meant to be together and this was the moment their stars finally crossed. What if Tina was right? Could she live with a world of regret never knowing what would happen if she didn't grab this moment tightly with both hands.

"Wait." Sian's voice stopped her trail of thought and her eyes flicked up to see the blonde who had a creased brow. "I want to talk first okay?" Sophie simply nodded, she wasn't sure what she was expecting Sian to say, but her hopes were raising and although she tried to tether them down she couldn't. "I love you Sophie, I love you and I expect I will love you my entire life and no love will ever compare this…Ever."

"Sian I lo-" She was preparing to blurt out but Sian's voice over powered her. They were both aware that they were sitting in a crowded bar and did not want to bring any unwanted attention to them.

"Please just let me finish this before I chicken out." Again Sophie nodded as she began to feel a cold fear crawling up her spine. "I do love you, you know that right?" The brunette silently concurred with a gesture. "But…" With that one word Sophie felt her heart fall, with just that one word. "Michelle was right, I know you don't agree but she was, I married Ryan knowing I didn't love him, not like I should have. How can you think I'm a good person when I can do something like that? I'm messed up." Sophie saw painfully the way this conversation was going and her heart began to bang against her rips, crying for silence, not wishing to hear it. "I have to stop being selfish and thinking about me and what I want, because you are the most important person to me and your happiness means more to me than anything else. And even though this kills me to say…I'm stepping back Soph. I won't ruin your life, you deserve to be happy. I'm sorry it's taken me a little longer to see that." Sophie's throat felt dry and she wasn't sure if she would be able to speak, she swallowed hard and attempted to hold back the tears that were stinging her eyes. The hope that she had felt building up inside her had now coming crashing down in one painful crash. "I'm sorry I put you in this position. I should have thought about you in all of this."

"Don't be sorry." Was all she could manage to choke out. Being brave had never felt more difficult.

"I am. I look at my actions and I feel sick. Please say we can still try and salvage a friendship from all this." All of Sian's words were like daggers to her heart.

"Of course." Sophie slipped her mask on. She was too late. "This is what I wanted to talk about. Friendship is all I can offer you."

"Good because I never want to lose you Soph."

"Not possible. Well I should get back to my sister." Sophie smiled and pulled Sian into a heart breaking hug, trying to push all her intense emotions to the side.

Sian was the first to pull away and showed her 100 watt smile. "Cool, well I have to pee, so I'll see you soon." The blonde walked quickly to the toilets and when she finally reached the cubical, her legs gave way and she collapsed on the toilet in a heap of tears and sobs. Her heart was breaking inside her chest. It felt as if her organs were shutting down one by one causing her the most excruciating pain she'd ever experienced. Hearing the sound of the toilet doors being opened she bit her bottom lip and tried to keep her bawling inside.

"Sian?" The blonde frowned at the voice. "I know you're in here."

"Katy?"

"Yeah, let me in." The shorter girl waited outside the closed door and when it swung open to reveal her broken friend, she almost cried herself. Instead she quickly walked forward and embraced the dishevelled girl and allowed her to cry in her arms. She didn't need Sian to explain anything about what had just occurred between the blonde and Sophie she had watched the exchange closely. The moment she had seen Sian dart into the toilet and Sophie eagerly exit The Rovers she knew something was wrong. Gently she rocked them back and forth.

"It hurts so much, make it stop it please. Just make it stop hurting." Sian cried into the crook of Katy's neck and the younger girl had to stop her own tears from falling.

Sophie on the other hand was now leaning against the wall outside The Rovers trying to compose herself; Sian's words about being selfish were beginning to sink in. She wiped fiercely at her eyes, her heart was breaking and filtering out through tears that she thought might permanently mark her cheeks. Although she had told Sian they couldn't be she had thought somewhere in the back of her mind that eventually they would find their way back to each other. This felt like the final nail to her organ and she wondered if it would continue to beat. She wanted to go back in there and tell Sian they were meant to be, they could overcome everything. Weirdly it had been Michelle to change her mind, hearing her so wrongly talk about the blonde made her blood boil. Sian was the best person Sophie knew and all she wanted to do was wrap Sian up in her arms and mend every part of her. She looked back at the door and contemplated re-entering but she decided against it, maybe Sian was right they weren't right for each other, maybe this was just all the alcohol. Her feet began to carry her away from the party; she needed to wake up in the cool light of day. Everything would be different tomorrow.

Sophie threw her keys down on to the table as she picked up her mail that remained from the morning. Along with her regular post which she suspected were bills was also a small parcel. Sophie frowned wondering if she had ordered anything over the last few weeks. Tossing the few letters onto the couch she sat down and proceeded to rip off the brown paper and the layer of bubble wrap. There in her hands was something that she had definitely not ordered; a bright yellow book that had a post-it note attached to the front. '_For when I'm not around to make you laugh (or be laughed at) S x'_, taking the note off the cover she saw it was a joke book. Part of her smiled at the gesture from Sian and yet another part of her felt sadden by the token from the blonde. It had been just over a month since Chesney's party and she had not seen Sian. They would meet, have intense heart shattering exchanges and then not see each other for weeks. With this said however Sophie still ached for Sian, every part of her tingled just with the mere thought of her. She had woken up the next morning following the party and had been more confused than ever, one part of her was angry that she'd even considered going back and another part was hurt by Sian's offer of friendship. It was like having an angel and a devil on either shoulder and they argued throwing words of advice at her in between insulting each other. Ignoring her wayward emotions was exhausting.

Laying back on the couch she flipped through the book and smiled to herself maybe this was a gesture from Sian that they could and should try for the friendship they were both talking about. The little angel piped up at Sophie's thought and declared that it was a bad idea and that Sophie would regret it. There was the possibility that she would regret it, but there was also the chance that they could start again? Sophie wasn't sure which option scared her more. But as always her thoughts travelled to that of the child Sian was carrying, could they ever start over when she was forever connected to Ryan?

With a sigh she reached out for the remote and turned her CD player on. Bruno Mars erupted to life and filled the small flat with music. Sophie smiled as the songs drown out all her conflicting emotions; sometimes ignorance was pure bliss.

Sian crossed the street and entered the café, she had been craving a bacon sandwich all morning and it was time to let her body get rewarded for the hour and a half she'd made her stomach wait. She was meant to be meeting Katy at twelve and it was only 11:30 so she made the detour on her way. Walking over to the counter Haley came hurrying over to take her order.

"Hiya, you alright? How you feeling? Groggy? You look well." Sian smiled at the bubbly woman and nodded before speaking.

"Yeah, I'm pretty tired but it's alright, had my first sonogram a couple of weeks back."

"And everything's okay?"

"Yep, ten toes ten fingers perfectly healthy." Sian stated proudly, every day that passed she found herself more and more invested in her future with this baby, whether she was alone or not. She would have someone and this baby would always have her.

"Do you know what the sex is yet?"

"No not yet, I'm not sure if I want to know."

"You want it to be a surprise eh?" Sian nodded with a wide smile and Haley matched her grin. "So what can I get you?"

"Can I get a bacon butty? I've had a hankering for one all morning!" Sian exclaimed while rubbing her belly.

"Course, you getting cravings?"

"Like crazy."

"Well if you sit down I'll bring it over to you."

"Thanks Haley." Sian said as she looked around to find an empty table, as she scanned the room she noticed the brunette nursing a cup of tea (she knew that Sophie couldn't stomach coffee.) The younger girl looked up and smiled shyly, she stood there trying to decide if she could go over, and the answer came to her when Sophie waved her over.

"Hey." Sian said as she approached the table and stood beside her bashfully, it amazed her how being close to Sophie turned her into a teenager all over again.

"Hey, have a seat." Sophie gestured to the seat opposite her and she watched as Sian took it. "Thank you…for the joke book."

Sian smiled brightly and tucked a strand of blonde hair behind her ear. "You're welcome." They sat there in a pleasant silence for a few seconds stealing sly shy glance at each other and when they caught the others eye they'd blush and looked away.

"You know I had everything worked out to say to you for the next time I saw you. I had it all planned out." Sian mused as she looked up into Sophie's face.

"And now?" Sophie caught Sian's eye and instantly wished she hadn't. For a moment the brunette was not able to look away, she was trapped by the blue eyes and finally it took all her strength to turn away. She knew it would be an exquisite death, drowning in those eyes but she couldn't risk it right now; Sophie needed to get a handle on her own feelings before she acted on them.

"It's all gone out my head, I practiced and everything." She admitted and rolled her eyes at her confession with a toothy grin.

"Snap, did you put my responses in, imagining what I was going to say?" Sophie asked knowing that she had done the same.

"Every time." The blonde nodded.

"How did I respond?" Sophie enquired as she got more settled into the seat and turned her whole body to face the older girl.

"Usually quite well, except this one time." Sian said with a slight smile. "You were pretty mad."

"Did we work it out?" She requested, everything seemed so natural as though nothing had happened and although it gave her false hope Sophie didn't care.

"I tried to calm you down but you walked out." She said matter of factly.

"Wow, you must have been very mean." Sian noticed the mocking tone to the brunette's voice and smiled, it just made it all harder. She wanted to reach out and touch the person who had once given her so much comfort, now they felt like strangers.

With a cocky smile Sian responded, "I could have gotten you to forgive me but you're just so stubborn." Sophie's jaw dropped with a shocked playful expression.

"I am not stubborn." Relying on her instincts alone and without thinking she reached out and slapped Sian lightly on her bare arm.

"What? Are you serious? I forgot to call you once, by like 10 minutes and you didn't speak to me all day." Sian told her still with a playful tone. "But I remember getting you to forgive me." A mischievous look clouded her eyes and the conversation ran dry while Sophie's cheeks flushed.

Then silence over powered them once again, everything seemed to have been looking so positive but Sian's words had brought the nature of their affair to the surface. Both had so much they needed and wanted to say but neither could bring themselves to start the conversation and they just sat there looking down at the table while people had their own conversations around them. Sophie risked a look upwards and felt her breath get caught in her throat as she took in all the beauty in front of her; it was true, pregnancy made her glow.

Without any warning words fell out of Sophie's mouth. "I miss you." Sian didn't move for a second as she allowed those three words to wash over her, she considered her next words carefully but she didn't need to speak due to Sophie continuing. "I didn't mean it like that, well I did, but…" She rambled, feeling her cheeks burn. "I miss you, I miss my friend. So many times I wanted to call, to talk to you about everything and anything but I couldn't." The blonde shut her eyes not in frustration but in sadness. "Can we go out one night?"

Sian's mouth almost fell to the floor and she felt her heart start to pound away in her chest. She couldn't believe what she was hearing; she'd feared that she'd pushed the brunette away after Chesney's birthday. But she didn't want to push Sophie to be with her any more, she wanted the brunette to take her time and come back when she wanted to; when it felt right. She bit at her cheeks to prevent a cheesy grin from forming on her face, although she suspected her eyes shined with excitement.

"If you don't want to that's fine." The brunette tried to quickly retract her sentence and Sian rapidly shook her head, realizing that she hadn't spoken even though her mind had been screaming yes.

"No, No I mean yes that would be nice." She rushed out flustered and Sophie sighed lightly, relieved. The fear of rejection had hit her almost immediately and she'd feared she'd pushed too quickly. They looked over at each other locked in a connection of blue; the link was only stopped by a plate being put on the table.

"You're bacon sandwich." Haley stated with a smile at them both. Sophie gave the blonde a lopsided grin and she felt a small part of her heart get sown back together. It wasn't completely healed but it was a start.


	8. Chapter 8

Sophie and Sian walked out of the cinema into the warm night air, the movie still fresh in their minds. Sian looked down at the brunette's hand and every part of her wanted to take it and hold it but she thought better of it, she was learning to be patient. It had taken a while for the duo to decide upon an activity to do together; finally they had resolved to go have something to eat followed by a film. Sian sometimes caught the girl giving her a sly glance but she couldn't work her out, there was something behind Sophie's eyes; something she was hiding. They had been getting close emotionally over the evening but they had not hit that moment, the moment when things clicked into place. When you're friends with someone and get close to them, sometimes it changes it might be a small insignificant thing; such as a hug that lasts to long, a friendly kiss that catches un-expecting lips. Sian was just waiting patiently for her moment to appear and she would seize it with both hands, this time never letting the younger girl go; she'd follow her to the edge of the world and back.

"I'm not going to be sleeping tonight." Sian admitted with a pale face.

"I forgot you don't like scary films." Sophie lied as she laughed getting a mental picture of Sian hiding under her covers.

"No you didn't."

"You're right what can I say, I just love to see the colour drain from your face."

"With friend's like you who needs enemies." Sian joked as they started the trek to the car. "I've had fun tonight."

"We haven't really talked much we were watching a movie, the restaurant was a bit loud." Sophie frowned.

"Yeah, but I've enjoyed just being with you, just having your company." She admitted and Sophie didn't dare say it aloud but she had too enjoyed their time together.

"Sian…" Sophie tried to start although she was unsure of what she wanted to say, her brain wouldn't let her utter the words that so desperately wanted to escape.

"Let me finish. You have never really let me explain myself or about what's going on with me and Ryan, and I think we are in a place now that I should." Sophie nodded as they continued to walk. "You were right, I was a coward, it's all I have ever been at heart, things get heavy and I run or rather I didn't fight for you when you left for the US."

"But why?" Sophie asked as hard as she knew this conversation was going to be, Sophie knew she had to hear it.

"Because you needed me or because you didn't need me."

"You're not making sense." Her forehead creased in confusion.

"I've practiced this so many times, everything is just getting muddled up." Sian sighed in frustration as rubbed her face. "You were holding my hand as you told me you were going to the states and there was so much passion there when you talked, you were so excited about going. Then Rosie came in and you ran over to her to tell her and I felt you slipped from my hand. It was almost in slow motion."

"So didn't come with me because I let go?" She wasn't shouting but there was a hard edge to her voice, she didn't realise how much she wanted to hear what Sian had to say until this very moment.

"No I watched you go to your family and tell them about it and it felt right that you were there with them. For a while everything seemed fine between you all, you all needed it, I wouldn't have had it any other way." Sian was trying to find her words correctly knowing how sensitive this conversation was, and she didn't want to ruin their progress. "Your parents were fighting all the time because of Molly and…you disappeared and I could feel you looking to me to try and save you. All I could think that while you were my dream America wasn't." They had reached the car and were now resting against it, looking off into the distance of the light evening sky. "I wanted to tell you so many times that I couldn't go, that it wasn't right but I let you believe I was going to the states with you. But you're parents locked horns again and I just didn't know what to say to you, I couldn't say I wasn't going."

"I didn't need you to say anything Sian I just needed you next to me. I wanted you next to me, America wasn't a dream like you were." Sophie tried to explain, thinking that if they had just talked all those years ago they would probably still be together not floating in this limbo between lovers and friends.

"I got scared Soph. Walking away from you was the hardest thing I think I have ever had to do." Sian looked down at her shoes, feeling her heartbreak all over again as she recalled the feelings that she'd felt that night she'd told Sophie that she wasn't going with her and that they were over. "Telling you I wasn't going. It was hard."

"It wasn't the easiest thing to watch you walk away." Sophie admitted as they stared at each other, feeling the weight that was usually surrounding them lifted a little.

"With Ryan, it was never me choosing him. I wasn't planning on anything to happen with him. We were just together all the time, I was sad and in pain, being with him I didn't have to pretend." Sophie listened to every word, although it was not the most pleasant thing to hear it was giving her mind ease. "It was never love, it was gratitude and loyalty, and I know that sounds heartless. But I couldn't lie to him or myself any more. Truth is I could never love him when I loved you. When I found out I was pregnant it just hit me."

"What did?" Sophie asked; she couldn't understand why the aching in her chest had suddenly increased.

"That I couldn't be with him. I thought I was doing the right thing staying married to him, I thought I owed it to him. But I was being selfish really; I was being a complete coward. My stolen moments with you were what kept me moving." The blonde sighed and blinked back tears. "When he suggested us trying for a family I couldn't say no to him, I felt so bad about hurting him that I agreed."

"But you kept taking the pill?" It was a question because Sian had managed to get pregnant and there was thought in the back of Sophie's head that perhaps it was planned and that Sian was lying to her.

"Yes I did, I thought it was better that way. I didn't want a family with him. I know that sounds harsh and heartless."

"But…" Sophie trailed off as she nodded towards the small bump at Sian's belly.

The blonde shook her head trying to decide how she could word it; it seemed like such an untruth that she didn't know if Sophie could believe her. "I was on the pill, you have to believe me okay." She watched as the brunette eyed her sceptically. "I had no intention of falling pregnant. I had an infection and I was taking antibiotics, it was a complete accident. But I'm not going to lie to you now, I'm happy about this baby now." Sian spoke honestly.

"I understand that."

"You do?" Sian asked surprised.

"Of course, this baby is a part of you." Sophie did understand that but it didn't make it hurt any less.

"It doesn't change anything though." The blonde quickly interjected.

"Doesn't it?"

"No I still love you and I still want to be with you."

"Sian…" She wasn't sure if she was going to reply with the same sentiment or if she was going to rebuff the girl she couldn't control it. She felt like she was always running five paces behind her emotions, one moment they were reaching out for Sian the next they were slapping her hands down.

"You don't have to say anything, I needed to get this out, I needed to tell you what a coward I was, and that it was never about Ryan. I had to say that I still love you and that I'm always going to love you. I know it's probably not the right time to say anything, but…"

"I know." They stood there against the car in silence for a long while after the night's truths. A lot had been said and even more had not been, there was a time and place for the rest and tonight was not it. In the quiet Sian reached over to hold Sophie's hand. The brunette looked down at their interlocking fingers, it felt right but then the wave of remorse hit her and she withdrew it. "Not yet." Sophie said quickly while Sian heard the word 'yet' and felt a new hope rise in her, a hope she was trying to ignore, she didn't want to push the younger girl too hard or too soon so she just smiled and nodded.

"Just so you know Sian, what Michelle said, it's not true. Not a single part of it. You are wonderful and caring."

"You might be the only one who believes that." The older woman said sadly unable to lift her head.

"Perhaps, I'll believe it enough for everyone." Feeling brave and also wishing deeply to offer the blonde comfort she reached out and took Sian's hand in her own again. They didn't speak again as they stood their connected by the simple gesture. But at that moment it was keeping them both alive.

The Webster house was always like a safety blanket for Sophie, whenever she was down or in pain she would slip through the front door, curl up on the sofa and it all seemed slightly better. Really she was just indulging in numbing her pain for a while as she wrapped the home feeling around her tightly. Some might call it denial some might call it foolish but Sophie didn't care, it was just another one of her weaknesses that joined the growing pile. She had worse weaknesses, her biggest being a certain blonde. But at that moment none of that mattered as she sat on the couch her feet tucked beneath her while she flicked aimless through the multiple channels. The sound was down low as her parents were asleep upstairs and she did not want to disturb them nor did she want her mother to enquire about her late night visit.

Settling on an episode of CSI she snuggled further down into the crook of the couch pulling a throw over her. The familiar theme tune lulled her into a sense of security and she smiled to herself. Her evening with Sian had been everything she had wanted and everything she had been dreading all wrapped up into it one. When the blonde had held her hand it had felt perfect, the warmth and protection she'd felt just from that little contact had been immense and she felt tears prickle the back of her eyes, but she didn't feel as though they were tears of sadness.

"I thought I heard someone." Sophie looked behind her and saw Kevin coming down the stairs wrapping his dress gown around himself with a lazy smile. "If you keep coming back I'm going to assume you're moving home."

She chuckled at his words as he took a seat beside his daughter and she shifted to lean against him. Kevin moved his arm to place it around his child and pulled her in closer and she tucked her head in the crock of his arm.

"Sorry did I wake you?" She asked and felt him shake his head.

"Nah, your mother was snoring."

"Don't let her hear you say that."

"Tell me about it, she's been denying she snores ever since we started dating."

"You mean back in the stone age."

"I might be a caveman but I can still get down with the kids." Sophie laughed and Kevin couldn't help but think he'd almost forgotten how sweet it sounded.

"Down with the kids? Bless you dad." She said as she leaned up and kissed his cheek sweetly.

"So…" He started and Sophie tried to focus on the television suddenly, the older man chortled. "Very subtle little one."

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Shrugging she continued to stare at the T.V hoping that her father would drop his questioning, even though she knew it was a hopeless wishing.

"You're my daughter-"

"I am?" She interrupted with a smirk.

"Funny. What I mean is, I know something is on your mind."

"It's nothing." Kevin squeezed her closer and Sophie felt a unexpected need to cry, combined with her bubbling emotions and her father's caring tone she knew tears were going to come. "I don't know what I'm doing dad." On the last word her voice broken and she burrowed her head into the male's chest and he held her tightly.

"What do you mean sweetheart?" He asked as he kissed the top of her head. Slowly she pulled back and looked up at him with tear stained cheeks.

"Please don't judge me."

"I would never judge you." He said lowering his brow and looking deeply at his child. "There is nothing you could ever say that would change who you are and what I think of you." Kevin said sincerely and the words sprung deeper tears to Sophie's eyes.

"I still love her." Sophie said bowing her head with a heavy sigh. "I try not to, I do. I've tried to stop it and tell myself it's over that it was some teenage romance but it's not. It was so much more than that."

"Soph, what are you talking about?" He asked, although he had a slight idea where this was going.

"Sian." She stated quietly her voice and heart breaking all at once. It hurt every time she spoke about it, like a constant pain that ate away at her and she didn't know what the cure was. The aching was rooted so deep inside her it felt like it was growing around her organs feeding off her, owning her. There was no escape merely excepting its permanent fixture within her.

"I can't say that I am entirely surprised." He almost laughed, but knew that it was clearly not the right time for it.

"We were having an affair." She admitted quietly, suddenly feeling like a teenager again, getting scolded for smoking.

"I'm the last person who can judge you for that." He acknowledged with knowing sad eyes, the pain that his infidelity had caused fractured through their entire family and he always thought Sophie going to the US was her way of running away from it. "Is that why she left Ryan?" He asked and Sophie simply nodded silently. "Then why are you here on our sofa and not with her?"

"Because it's not that simple, I broke up a marriage and she's carrying his child."

Kevin nodded slowly. "Yeah I had heard about that." He gave his daughter a small sad smile and wished that it could offer her some comfort. "Does it change things?" The older man suddenly asked and the question caused Sophie's head to snap up so she could look at her father's face.

"Of course it does." Sophie exclaimed loudly, and then hoped her mum wouldn't hear their exchange. "She has a child with him. I can't compete with that."

"I have a child with someone else Sophie, although Jack is my son he lives with Tyrone and your mum forgave me. Every day I am so grateful of this fact. Having Jack doesn't change how I feel about your mum. If anything it makes me love her more, when I have him for the weekend and she looks after him like he's her own."

"That's completely different." Sophie interjected with a soft eye roll in Kevin's direction.

"Yeah because I realized that I had made a mistake and couldn't leave my wife and family. Sian realized that what she was doing was not a mistake and the mistake was staying with Ryan." Her mind tried to find logical sense to argue against Kevin's rational argument. But her heart was starting to purr as his words started to sink in through her hardened walls.

"But could you imagine trying to live here in Weatherfield, the gossip, the sly glances and blatant staring." She found herself grabbing at straws with her rebuff and more than anything she wished that she had not been so weak to seek comfort in the former home. Then she would have been at home with her brain telling her she was doing the right thing. Instead here she was listening to her father, telling her how she should follow her heart and she was starting to sway towards the idea.

"Again do you know who you're talking to? This family has always dealt with it head on, we face it. And so will you because you are a Webster." He told her, moving his head lower to make direct eye contact with Sophie. "We only get so many people in our life who have the ability to give us those butterflies and make us feel like we can't eat or breathe. So my advice to you is, if you've found someone who can give you those then don't let it go." Sophie sucked her bottom lip into her mouth and chewed on it lightly while she mewed over her dad's words of wisdom. It wasn't like her father to talk in such an open and honest manner and it was a beautiful moment; tender and sweet with just a small amount of truth to reach inside her and quiet her growing beast. But as quickly as the feeling of stillness settled over her she became instantly unnerved and stood up abruptly.

"I gotta go." Sophie exclaimed with tears attacking the back of her eyes.

"You don't have to do that. You know your room is just upstairs." Kevin offered.

"I should go home." Sophie spoke quietly trying to avoid her dad's intense gaze. "Thanks though, for all of it." He opened his mouth to argue but the attempt fell on deaf ears as Sophie was already picking up her coat that lay discarded on the arm of the chair. "I'll call you tomorrow." Were her final words before she walked out into the night air and got trapped within the night and drown by her own thoughts.

After leaving her parents it had taken her a while to fall asleep, Sophie had tried watching T.V, reading a book with no avail eventually she had decided upon counting sheep. Slumber hadn't come immediately but finally she fell into a deep sleep, which her body deeply craved. As her eyes tiredly shut for the final time she hoped that they wouldn't open until at least midday tomorrow.

_*Don't stop believing…*_

Sophie's phone rang for the third time and she turned over in her old bed with a groan. She'd ignored the first call in hope that sleep would come back to her. The second attempt from the caller had caused the brunette to toss a pillow over her head to try and block out the invasive noise. This third attempt however caused her to throw the pillow off her head before releasing a string of expletives and reaching her hand out blindly. As she looked at the screen she saw all three calls had come from Rosie. With one eye still firmly closed she hit redial and placed the phone to her ear waiting for her sister answer.

"Where the fuck have you been?" Came the shrill voice of her sister.

"Funnierily enough i was asleep, this better be important." Sophie replied groggily, a pout appearing on her lips

"It's Blake." Rosie's voice instantly broke and Sophie could hear her sister break down into tears through the line causing the brunette to sit bolt upright in bed as panic seeped in.

"Rosie? Rosie, what's going on?" She heard mumbling down the line and a fear started to ran through her chest, suddenly feeling very awake.

"Soph, it's Jason. We're at the hospital-"

"What why? Is Blake alright?" She cut over him as her fears became very real. Sophie was out of her bed throwing the covers aside with such force they fell on the floor.

"He had a really high temperature so we brought him in. They-they think it...it could meningitis." He managed to get out and Sophie knew through his tone he too was trying to hold back tears.

"I'm on my way."

"Thanks." He said sincerely as she started to look around her room for any clothes discarded nearby.

"I'll be there as soon as I can." Sophie's mind felt blank, like nothing was able to processes through her mind. It was all just a rumble of words and she thought she might be sick.

"Could you tell your parents, Rosie hasn't been able to get in touch with them."

"Course. Jason..."

"Yeah?"

"He will be alright." It wasn't a question Sophie was stating a fact. He was going to be fine. There was no other option.

"I know." But she heard underneath his false bravado, his voice shook and Sophie had to bite her lip hard to prevent her own tears from falling.

"See you soon soph." He cleared his throat through the line as though to try and hide his out of control emotions.

"Yeah okay bye Jase." Sophie stood there for a moment the phone pressed tightly against the side of her head listening to the tone through her mobile. She couldn't seem to move the fear that had seeped through her veins held her stuck in time. The emotions she felt were like a tidal wave against her small frame. Slowly she put the phone down and got dressed.

Sophie was sitting in the waiting room between her mother and sister. Rosie's head was resting upon Jason's shoulder her eyes red and puff from the tears that had spilled freely for the since her arrival at the hospital. Eileen was pacing back and forth in front of them her face creased with concern, Sophie watched her intensely as though it might somehow distract her from the gnawing worry inside her. Every time a doctor or nurse walked by everyone's head shot up expectantly only for them to continue walking or uttering that they were still waiting on tests. Sophie could see the fear written all over Blake's parents faces, they wanted to be with their son, hold his hand, push his hair back and kiss his forehead. She wished she could stop the helpless feeling they were clearly experiencing, instead she reached out and squeezed Rosie's knee tightly. They had performed a spinal tap just under an hour ago and they had yet to hear anything back.

Feeling like she needed to be doing something Sophie stood up abruptly and looked at the people around her. "Does anyone want a drink, tea, coffee?"

"No." Rosie instantly said not lifting her gaze from the floor.

"Come on babe, just have a tea, please." Jason said softly and she finally looked up into his eyes and nodded slowly, he smiled with as much energy as he could muster. "Can you grab me a coke or something?"

"Sure, anyone else?" She asked again this time to the three adults.

"Can I get a black coffee?" Eileen asked and nodded swiftly.

"We'll just have two cups of tea." Sally answered and Sophie didn't hang about any longer as she walked to find the cafeteria. As much as she knew her family needed her she just needed five minutes to escape, to flee the heavy atmosphere that was hang upon them. She knew it was completely selfish but she just needed to breathe, to feel fresh uncontaminated air fill her lungs.

With the coffees and teas on the side Sian slipped some money into a vending machine; she pressed the button for a coke and waited for it to clang down to the opening at the bottom. The noise from the machine seemed to echo through the small room and it caused all other sound to drain away.

"Sophie." Hearing her name Sophie knotted her brow and looked around confused until her eyes fell upon a certain blonde who had appeared. Sian was jogging towards her and Sophie looked around confused. Was her pain so intense that it was creating mirages to try and ease her fear and concern? But now the blonde was standing but a few feet away the brunette realized that if she was going to dream anything it would have been that Blake was well and fine, so this moment could only be real.

"Sian?" She still asked aloud just to make sure the person in front of her was real.

"Yeah, are you okay?" At Sian's words a new worry came to the brunette and instead of having time to prepare herself for the question the words spilled out.

"What are you doing here? Are you alright? Is the baby okay?" Instinctively her hand reached out and touched the blonde's stomach that seemed to be getting bigger each time she saw her. The blonde could not help the corner of her lips rising ever so slightly at the tender gesture but she quickly pushed through it.

"Yeah I'm fine." Sian reached down and took Sophie's hand in hers. "I just saw Rita opening up and she said that Blake was rushed to hospital-"

"That's why you're here?" Sophie couldn't stop the relief that accompanied her words; she couldn't have taken any more bad news. She felt her hand being tugged forwards and Sian's arms wrapped around her as she pulled her close to embrace the brunette. Sian just wanted to be there for Sophie, take some of the weight upon the younger girl's shoulders, hold her and tell her everything was going to be okay. Sophie couldn't stop herself from placing her head tenderly on Sian's shoulder.

"Of course, I drove straight here. I had to make sure you were alright."

"You mean Blake." Sophie rudely snapped as she stepped out of the blonde's embrace and Sian frowned at her confused by the sharp tone.

"Yes and Blake." She said slowly trying to make her point, Sian knew how much Blake meant to Sophie and she also knew the brunette would be inconsolable if anything happened to him, and she just wanted to be strong for Sophie so she didn't have to be.

"This isn't some part of our game Sian." The blonde took a single step back so she could look into Sophie's narrowed blue eyes.

"What game? Sophie I came to help, maybe get food for everyone-"

"And you think I'll suddenly fall back into your arms." She hissed through her clenched jaw and Sian's mouth fell open, she couldn't believe that Sophie would think that little of her. She loved Sophie more than anything, she was willing to wait but in the mean time she wanted to be the brunette's friend.

"Sophie, you're worried and hurting and you're taking it out on me but-"

"Do not patronize me Sian. I know what I am and what I'm doing." Sophie shouted through gritted teeth, she didn't want to shout with people walking about, but her rage was growing by the second.

"I'm not patronizing you, I wouldn't do that. I just want to be here for you." All she wanted to do was try and defuse the situation, get back to one minute previous where she had been holding the brunette so closely.

"What do you think? That you'd come here and hold me while I'm falling apart and then I'll end up falling into your arms?"

"No of course not. I'm being your friend Soph."

Sophie couldn't prevent the bitter laugh that escaped through her parted lips and the sound rattled all the way to Sian's heart. "We aren't friends, we've never been friends."

"Soph I…" Sian wanted to try and find words, anything that could make this tension disappear but nothing else left her mouth.

"You should go." The brunette said folding her arms. She had swapped one hard situation for another and now she just wanted to crawl into a ball and wait for everything to right itself.

"But-"

"No, please just go." He voice went quiet and she refused to look up into Sian's eyes in fear that she would lose all her will power.

The blonde opened her mouth as if she was going to speak but she couldn't think of anything that would make this better. She didn't want to hurt the brunette any more, she could already see Sophie was hanging on by a thread and she didn't want to be the one to cut the cord. So with this in mind the blonde did the only thing she could do and that was to bow her head and turn on her heel. Sian could feel the warmth of tears behind her eyes but she refused to let them fall until she was out in the fresh night's air.

Sophie stood rooted to the ground and was thankful that her body felt like lead at that moment because if she thought for a second she could move she would probably be after the blonde. She knew that Sian was right; she was taking her mood out on the blonde causing Sian pain that might equal her own. She knew it was wrong, Sian didn't deserve it but it was too late and all she could do was watch as Sian walked further and further away. She wished she was brave enough to chase her, tell her that she was sorry and more than anything tell her she wanted Sian beside her, holding her hand. But there was too much going on, still too many obstacles between them; some that she thought might be impossible to overcome.

Quickly Sophie wiped away at her eyes before the tears were allowed to fall down her cheeks. They weren't just tears for Sian but tears for Blake and she needed to be strong for her family right now. And she knew that if she succumbed to her moment of weakness then the tears might not stop, so she pushed them back, hidden away with everything else. Carefully she put all the drinks onto a tray, but before she left down the hallway she looked one last time to where the blonde was now approaching the exit.

"Was that Sian I saw?" Sophie looked over her shoulder to see Sally, who was looking past the brunette to see the other woman walking away towards the car park.

"Erm yeah." Sophie quickly said after clearing her throat trying to mask how her voice was threatening to break.

"She was a nice girl." The older woman stated randomly.

"She was." Sophie said with a shrug as she tried to forget about the blonde even though her mother was trying to prevent this with her topic of conversation.

"I know I wasn't the most supportive of your relationship when you were younger. But I got through it." She said quite proud of herself, for a time she had thought she'd never get used to it. Especially after the time her and Kevin had walked in on them half naked on the living room couch. However given time she was able to see what they had was special and she came not only accept it but love it.

"I know you did mum." Sophie said with a smile and began to walk back to the waiting room; tray in hands. Her mother walked beside her silently for a few moments and Sophie was thankful for the quiet.

"She was good for you. She always was. And as soon as I saw that I didn't care." The youngest Webster stopped walking and mother did so also with an innocent expression plastered across her face.

"Why are you telling me this?" Sophie said with a frown as she scanned her mother's appearance suspiciously, trying to understand what they were really talking about.

"I just want you to be happy sweetheart." There was something lurching behind Sally's words and Sophie watched her expression intensely.

"I am." Sophie replied quickly with a small shrug.

"You were when you were with Sian."

"That was years ago." Sally chuckled lightly and tried to smile at Sophie, she was in a world of panic at that moment but looking at Sophie right now was the best distraction she could have hoped for.

"You are my daughter Sophie Webster and I know you better than anyone." Sophie eyed her mum with surprise.

"You know don't you?"

"Perhaps. But I also know that happiness is hard to come by. Our family knows that better than anyone. And you shouldn't push the people who can make you happy away. We're standing in a hospital where life comes and goes so quickly, some things are worth the risks." The brunette just stared at Sally in disbelief. She had underestimated a mother's ability to understand her children. "I know it's probably complicated and there's much I don't know but when it comes to love there is no right and wrong. And there's no automatic switch to turn it off." They stood there in silence for a moment as Sophie gazed at her mother a brief smile ghosting across her pale face. "Ooo is that my coffee?" Sally suddenly said startling the brunette out of her daze. As quickly as her mother's insightful moment had occupied it was gone again. Taking the tray Sally walked back to the group who were still in the same positions as she left them in. Immediately Sophie felt guilty for allowing her own problems to take over her mind. But she couldn't ignore her mother's words as they mingled with the advice given to her by Kevin. Right now however it was all about Blake, and thoughts of Sian sat patiently in the back of her mind waiting for Sophie to find her again.

They had been waiting for hours, being allowed to see a sleeping Blake who could barely keep his eyes open a handful of times. The little boy was unable to talk but you could tell that he was just content to have his family around him. Sophie left his room with a kiss on the forehead and eventually they were all sat out in the waiting room again nursing another round of warm drinks. They were waiting, waiting to hear anything and Sophie wasn't sure that she could cope with it any longer.

"Mr and Mrs Grimshaw?" All their beverages were instantly left disregarded as the doctor approached them. Finally Sophie thought, she could stop the hope building up in her but her brain tried to tether it back down.

"Yeah?" Rosie said as she stood up on unsteady legs but Jason was right beside her wrapping a strong arm around her.

"As we first suspected it is meningitis." Sophie felt her heart sink while her mother went ridged and Rosie almost slumped to the floor. "Wait, let me finish." The doctor continued before Jason could start speaking. "Naturally when you hear meningitis you hear the worst, but this is not as serious."

"What? I don't understand." Rosie said shaking her head back and forth.

"Your son has viral meningitis."

"What does that mean, is he going to be okay? Can we see him please? I don't want him to wake up alone." Blake's mother rambled; she couldn't get her thoughts in any order. She simply required hearing five words; 'Blake's going to be okay.'

"It is treatable, very treatable. We can give him antibiotics and he will require plenty of rest and an watchful eye-"

"Wait, are you saying he's alright? Blake's okay?" Jason said and Sophie was sure that she could see the man's eyes glistening with tears. The brunette waited silently across the hallway for the next words from the doctor. Every one held the breath.

"Yes he is going to be fine." There seemed to be a collective sigh, Kevin pulled Sally into a hug while Jason kissed the side of Rosie's head. The feeling of relief that transcended upon Sophie were impossible to put into words, it was like everything felt perfect and more than anything else she wished that Sian was next to her. Rosie and Jason were being led away to Blake's room and Sophie watched the complete happiness radiate off them and she smiled.

"Mum, I have to pop out." Sophie suddenly blurted out as though she had no control over her own mouth.

"Where are-" Sally said but stopped herself with a knowing smile.

"I'll be back as soon as I can. When you see Blake tell him I love him loads." Sophie called as she raced out of the hospital with only one destination on her radar.

Sophie rang the doorbell and waited. Her head screamed at her to run, to be an adult, to admit that things weren't as simple as her heart was telling her. For the first time in months she ignored the voice, she'd had enough of it ruling her life, attempting to protect her. Her core cried as it realized what was happening; it argued with her brain, telling her this was the right thing. While her insides warred Sophie suddenly grasped that she had no idea what she was going to say, it had been a complete compulsion to run to Sian's and now standing here fear started to spread through her. She looked down at her watch 23:57 three minutes to midnight, maybe she was asleep, perhaps she was out. The brunette contemplated ringing again as her finger floated over the button she sighed.

This was a sign, she had completed the romantic gestured of speeding across town to race to Sian's front door only for it to remain closed in her face. Was this the metaphor for their relationship? Waiting another few seconds she turned to retreat back to her car as the realization began to seep through her. It was a mistake. Before taking her third step however she heard the door click behind her and she swung around as she saw Sian wrapping a robe around herself.

"Sophie? What, what are you doing here? Is Blake okay?" The blonde's face clearly became panicked at seeing Sophie standing at her door.

"He's okay. Thankfully." Sian's expression visibly relaxed and it touched Sophie that her ex cared so much about her nephew.

"Then why are you here? Not that I'm not happy to see you because I am. It's just you didn't seem that happy to see me before." Sian said nervously looking at her feet.

"Can I come in?" The brunette asked and watched as Sian opened the door wider. The older girl walked further into her flat and Sophie followed shutting the door behind her. Sophie stayed facing the door for a moment wondering if her body was going to open it and exit the scene. She shifted on the balls of her feet as she tried to think of what to say now that the moment was right in front of her. With a deep breathe she calmed her feelings and turned to face the blonde who was fidgeting with her fingers. "Sian I-"

"If you're here to tell me this isn't going to work…well, I get it Sophie, we can't be together. Message received loud and clear." The blonde said as she turned to walk towards her living room. She couldn't keep doing this is herself, putting her body through the pain. She wanted Sophie more than she wanted her next breath to inflate her lungs, but she was physically and emotionally exhausted.

However as turned to leave Sophie grabbed Sian's wrist firmly. A moment of silence hung over them followed by Sophie tugging on her the girls arm causing the blonde to stumble closer. In one fluid motion the brunette reached out her hand to cup Sian's cheek and bring the older girl's soft pink lips to her own. Sophie kissed her, she kissed her with every unspoken word, every emotion, kissed her for all she's worth and so much more; and Sian accepted it all.


	9. Chapter 9

Epilogue

15 years later

Sian threw her bag on the table and watched as it went sliding over the surface until it landed on the floor with a thud. "Damn it." She grimaced before walking round and picking it up with a sigh.

"That's a pound in the pot." The new voice startled her and she turned around to see the dirty blonde haired boy peeking over the couch with his game console in his hands his eyes however where fixated on the screen in front of him.

"Damn isn't a swear word." She told him, and this time he paused and looked up at her pointedly.

"That's two pound now." Sian chuckled before walking over and grabbing his cheeks softly and kissed him on the forehead, emphasising the sound of the kiss to annoy her son. Using the back of his hand he wiped the spot when she released him. "Mama did you get lipstick on me? And it's still two pound." He continued his chubby face screwed up as he rubbed rapidly at his head.

"No there's no lipstick." His mother laughed as she pulled her purse out from her coat pocket and began to root through her change. At this moment her eldest child Elizabeth came strutting down the stairs in a skirt that was too short and a top that was too low. "Here put this in the jar." She told Harrison; handing him a five pound note.

"You only had to put two in." He noted confused as he held the money in his hand.

"Yeah but I think I'm gonna swear some more so I'm covering my back." Sian explained not taking her eyes off the 14 year old who was now looking at herself in the mirror. However the 10 year old on the couch didn't move to put the money in the swear jar; instead he got comfortable to watch the exchange that was about to take place. Harrison was always happy when it was someone else getting told off instead of him.

"Change." Sian told the teenage who spun around only now noticing that her mother had returned home.

"What? Why?" She protested looking down at herself thinking that the outfit was one of the more conservative that she owned. Sian silently cursed Rosie for taking her shopping and becoming her fashion icon.

"Because you can't go to your dads like that, he will have a heart attack." The blonde told her with her arms folded; preparing herself for world war...well she'd lost count what number they were on now. Since Elizabeth had attended secondary school her attitude had altered overnight, she was still her loveable daughter but her moods were enough to give the family whiplash. It caused both Sian and Sophie to appreciate what they'd put their parents through when they were that age.

"Yeah about that..." Lizzie began, biting her lower lip and wondering how to broach the subject.

"You're going." Sian recognised the voice of Sophie who was clearly in the kitchen.

"What's going on?" Sian asked confused. Her wife walked into the living room accompanied by Harrison's twin sister Allie who joined him on the couch and the duo grinned at each other. They exchanged an excited look and Sian had to bite her lip from smiling at the siblings. The blonde looked back to Lizzie and looked between her wife and her daughter, waiting to be filled in.

"Tell your mum." Sophie said her hands on her hips. Elizabeth might not have been hers by blood, but she loved all three children the same. Lizzie felt like hers and that was all that mattered. And although she might not show it all the time the teenager felt exactly the same way towards Sophie.

"This is so unfair." The teenager stropped as she stomped her foot on the ground.

"Did you seriously just stamp your foot? What are you five?" Came the voice of Harrison who laughed at his older sister and Allie joined in with the laughter.

"We don't need your input thank you." Sophie told him and he mimed zipping his mouth shut.

"Mama, can you tell dad I'm not going to his?" Lizzie asked her mother with a smile, clasping her hands together in front of herself as if she was praying. Sophie rolled her eyes and Sian's frowned deepened.

"Why would I tell him that?" Sian asked confused.

"Because you know I've got practice in the morning and you know what dad is like for time keeping." The teenager said and Sophie shook her head in disbelief. Although, she was slightly impressed with their daughters effortless lying ability. It was true that she had swimming practice at six in morning and it was true that Ryan's time keeping did leave something to be desired, the truth though was lurking deep beneath her lies.

"The real reason Liz." Sophie prompted and Elizabeth sighed, her shoulder slumping at the hole in her plan.

The teenager screwed up her face as she threw her hands up in the air dramatically. "Fine! Dana wants to meet up, she's going through some stuff and she wanted me to go and see her. So could you just ring dad and tell him I can't come round. Please."

Sian looked at her daughter sympathetically, she could remember what it was like being that age; when she wanted to come and see Sophie instead of visiting her mother in Southport. Looking in Lizzie's eye she saw the flame of hope starting to flicker in the blue orbs that matched her own. "Go upstairs and get changed your dad will be here in an hour." It almost hurt to see the flame in her eyes disappear but Sian had her own plans this evening.

"Seriously?" The younger girl exclaimed, gawping between her parents.

"Liz we remember what it was like being your age." Sophie said as she smiled at her devastated daughter.

"That was the stone age mum. Things have changed since then." Both adults' jaws fell open in shock, and Sophie was reminded of the same type of comments she had thrown at her parents. However Sophie still felt a warmth travel through her body having Lizzie call her mum, even after 14 years it still filled her with so much love that she thought she might burst.

"Oh you're funny, I can see a career in stand up if you live that long." Sian chuckled through her threat. "You only saw Dana today and you girls spend nearly all your free time together, I don't think one night part is going to kill you both."

"But do you really want to take the risk that it won't?" Lizzie replied smoothly and smiled sweetly and Sophie almost grinned back at their daughter's smart ass response.

"I think we'll live." Sophie said before walking over to the couch. "Shows over kids, go set the table will you." The twins groaned as they slid of the couch with a collective sigh.

"That was rubbish." Harrison muttered to his sister.

"I know there wasn't even any shouting." She concurred. "When I ruined my new shoes mum hit the roof."

"Yeah do you remember when I ran into the road that time, mama went mental." They chattered as they wander through into the dining room and Sian couldn't help but smirk at their little duo.

"So this is a definite no?" Lizzie continued.

"Pretty much, yep." The blonde replied as she walked over and gave Sophie a kiss on the cheek. It was their little ritual whenever they came home, a simply kiss, just to remind each other who they belonged to. Lizzie rolled her eyes at the exchange and scoffed.

"Well, what if I say that I'll do my chores for a solid month?"

"You're meant to do your chores anyway." Her step mother pointed out.

"Yeah but I will actually do them instead of saying I did them and then getting deadly duo to do them." Sian shook her head but slightly admired Elizabeth's persistence and her ability to argue; perhaps she's follow in her mama's footsteps and work in a courtroom. Although she doubted it, Lizzie's passion had been swimming since a young age and she'd sacrificed much of her youth for it. It would have been nice to see her daughter follow in her footsteps but watching Lizzie swim and then win was one of the best feelings she'd ever experienced.

"Nope, get changed and pack a bag. Dinner will be ready in a minute."

"You're ruining my life, you know that right?" She stropped before stamping up the stairs, they heard her door slam with a thud.

"If I had a pound for every time I said that to my parents we'd be living in a mansion now." Sophie pointed out and Sian laughed as she wrapped her arms around her wives waist.

"I missed you." Sian cooed into Sophie's ear and the brunette blushed and chuckled. It was amazing how even though the blonde had seen every inch of my body and made love to her a million times her body still seemed to wither under her gaze and touch.

"Well you can show me just how much tonight." The replied was accompanied with Sophie sucking Sian's earlobe into her mouth which was followed by a soft moan from her wife.

"Are the other two packed for tonight?" Sian asked eagerly, she had been waiting all month for this weekend.

"Yep all sorted for a night with their grandparents." Sophie smirked. "It's just you and-" The rest of her words were drowned out by the pounding music that floated down from upstairs. "And there comes the music." Sophie laughed and Sian rolled her eyes.

"Do you really call that music, it's just noise, random sounds all meshed together." The blonde complained as she untangled herself from her wife.

"Now you sound old. In one hour it's just you and me, all night and I'm going to make it worth the wait." The younger woman leaned forward and placed a single chaste kiss on the blonde's lips and Sian smiled at the simple but beautiful gesture.

Walking through into the kitchen Sophie checked on the steak and kidney pie that seemed to have turned golden brown. Sian reached past her wife and opened the cupboard, taking out the plates. The twins came bounding in with smiles on their little faces.

"We're done." Allie declared rising her arms in the air.

"Thank you, Harry could you go and tell your sister to come down for dinner." The little boys face twisted in horror before he nodded. Walking through to the hallway the little boy pulled out his football bag, plopping himself down on the couch he started to strap his shin pads on. Sian watched him with puzzlement.

"What you doing there little man, the shin pads and the goalie gloves?" She asked as he slipped the oversized gloves onto his small hands.

"Well I just wanna be protected if she throws anything or kicks me." Harrison stated without a trace of humour as he jumped up and began to walk up the stairs.

"Good luck." Sian called after him and all she received was a thumbs up as he disappeared.

"Right well behave." Sophie said as she pulled Allie into a hug and kissed the top of her head before leaning over and kissing Harrison on the cheek.

"Aww mum." He grumbled as he wiped the spot roughly, turning his chubby cheek bright red.

"You're never going to be old for kisses." Sian told him as she leaned down to kiss his other cheek and was rewarded by another groan. "Just wait until you have a girlfriend and we pull out the baby pictures." The boy blushed; he was use to being teased by the women in the house.

"Love you." Allie called as she ran to the car. "Oh and he already has a girlfriend." She called over her shoulder as she departed.

"Oi!" Harrison shouted as his face flushed.

"I'll call you tomorrow when we're bringing them back." Sally said as Harry ran after his sister to the car where Kevin was waiting for the pair.

"Just don't forget that you need to remind Allie to inject her insulin. And Harry can't eat before bed or he has nightmares oh and don't for-" Sophie rambled until she was interrupted by her mother.

"This isn't the first time I've watched them. I did happen to raise two perfectly normal young women." The older woman pointed out.

"Rosie, normal?" Sophie quipped.

"Point taken." Sally laughed. "Right well what are you girls up to tonight seeing as you have a free house?" Sophie could feel her cheeks instantly turn red and she hoped that her evening activities weren't written all over her face.

"We were just going to have a quiet night in, maybe watch a film and have an early night." Sophie explained through her hushed tone and eyes avoiding her mothers.

"A quiet night in? At least you won't have the worry about me walking in on you anymore." Sally joked and Sophie swallowed hard in surprise, she could feel her face burning from embarrassment. No matter what age Sophie was she would never be comfortable with her mother knowing she was having sex. Sian seemed to sense her wives uncomfortable posture and swiftly slipped her arm around her waist while trying to fight back her own chuckle.

"Thanks for bring that up Sal." The blonde laughed as she tightened her hold around the brunette, whose face was warped in horror. Sian on the other hand was trying desperately to hold in her laughter.

"Well…erm…have fun girls." Her mother said with a tentative smile. "I better get your children home."

"Thanks Sally, we'll see you tomorrow. Bye you two!" Sian called waving to her children who were buckling themselves up.

"Yeah mum, see you. Bye babies!" The brunette called and Sophie quickly shut the door resting against it, her eyes closing firmly with her cheeks still glowing.

"Wow, that wasn't awkward. Two children down, one more to go." Sian said as she walked in front of the brunette kissing her neck slowly, lingering her lips with each kiss.

"When did Harry get a girlfriend? I'm going to have to meet her."

"You mean interrogate her."

"I just want to know what her intentions are." Sian couldn't help but laugh, Harry was in every way a mummy's boy. Even at 10 years old there were still times when he would come and crawl on their laps; fall asleep while they twirled his hair through their fingers. "What? I don't want some girl stringing my boy along." Sophie said firmly and Sian smiled warmly at her.

"Baby, he's ten."

"I don't care if he's 40, no woman will be messing him about. I don't think I could stand it."

"You just don't want another girl taking your place." The brunette folded her arms and narrowed her eyes. The doorbell rang before Sophie could come back with an argument and Sian grinned. "Lizzie, get your stuff and get down these stairs it's your dad!" Sian called as she pulled the door back. "Hey, Ry."

"Hi, she ready?" He asked and Sian looked past him to see his girlfriend sitting in the car waiting. Elizabeth couldn't stand the woman, she was mid-twenties and her daughter called her the child. She could already picture her daughter's face when she saw the blonde in the car.

"You hear that slamming upstairs…well that's her." Sophie interjected as she joined the once married pair. Reconciliation had not happened over night, or over a couple of months; it had taken them years to get to this point. Ryan had been angry for a long time and his rage had only grown when Sophie and Sian had become a couple after they'd separated. It had been Lizzie who had softened his hard heart and eventually he had opted to put all their hate and harsh behind them.

"So she's happy then?" He joked.

"I hear they return back to the children we love at about the age of 18." His ex told him with a shrug.

"Only five years to go." Ryan chipped in with an eye roll. "What's up with her?"

"She wanted to hang out with Dana." Sophie said shaking her head.

"Those two are joined at the hip." Her father stated as he saw his daughter come down the stairs a bag thrown over her shoulder and scowl on her face. "Hey there, you ready?"

"Let's just go." Came the gruff reply as she quickly made her way to leave pushing past her mothers.

"Hey, no kiss?" Sophie asked with a deep frown.

"Where's the love baby girl?" Sian echoed the sentiment, but it was too late, Lizzie was already half way down the path. Ryan just looked at them with a mixture of an apology and slight fear.

"Have fun. Oh and don't forget she has practice at six." Sian called after him and he waved while nodding as he walked off.

Sian shut the door and looked around their empty house enjoying the silence that rarely existed within these four walls. It was an uncommon occurrence to have the house to themselves. Although Lizzie would go to her dad's at least once a week the twins only stayed at their grandparents every so often and it didn't always coincide. But here they were alone for the first time in ages and she couldn't wait to have her wife undressed.

"One child hates us, the other one has a secret girlfriend, what's Allie hiding from us?" Sophie mused and Sian sighed.

"Are we going to talk about our children, who happen to be out of this house for only one night or do you wanna enjoy the fact we have this whole place to ourselves?" Sian stated in a husky voice as she saddled up closer to the brunette who had a slow smile spreading across her face.

"Sorry baby…come here." She closed the last remaining gap between them by pulling on the belt loops of Sian's trousers. The blonde's arms twisted around Sophie's neck her fingers ran through thick brown hair.

"I better watch my mouth tonight however, because that swear jar is killing me." Sian joked and watched as she caused a low chuckle to escape Sophie's delicate mouth.

"How about we forget about that jar in our room and you can scream whatever you want." Sophie's eyes seemed to darken and Sian felt her stomach drop with her a wave of desire spread through her body. Sophie seemed to have only got more attractive with age. Sian still found herself watching the way Sophie's hips swayed or the way she'd lick her lips, her thirst for the brunette had never for a second wavered, their love remain, beautiful and constant. She was however interrupted from her thoughts by soft tender kisses against her exposed neck.

"Hmmm, I like the sound of that." The blonde's hand went to the back of Sophie's neck to keep her in place. She felt Sophie lick a thin path up to her ear and blow cool onto the trail causing Sian's body to shiver. The wetness between her legs began to grow and she pushed her thighs together to try and release some of the tension that was building. Sian emitted a surprised moan as the younger woman sucked her earlobe into her mouth and gently ran it through her teeth. "Ah, Fuck Soph." She groaned.

Sophie pulled away suddenly and pursed her lips in amusement. "We're not in our room yet, that's a pound." Sian couldn't stop the laughter that came from her mouth as Sophie smiled wickedly holding out her hands.

"Then you better get up those stairs before I'm forced to put half our savings in that jar." She said as Sophie giggled and ran up the stairs closely followed by the blonde; the excitement and love illumining off them both.

There was a time when Sian felt as if she had hit rock bottom, as if her life was just a mess and she had no way of escaping or making it better. Then as if by magic or perhaps it was fate, Sophie ad turned up on her door and kissed her. Kissed her as though the world was going to end but in truth their world was just beginning. She'd felt a combination of Sophie's heart pounding against her own and in that moment she'd known that she'd do everything and anything to make this work. She was going to hold on to the brunette and never let her go and she didn't.

_***Don't stop believing***_

"Argh, you need to change that ring tone." Sian groaned as Sophie reached over the blonde who was pleasantly spent beside her. "Who the hell is calling you at stupid o'clock?" The blonde said into her pillow as she refused to lift her head.

"I don't know till I answer it." Unfortunately her eyes had yet to focus and she answered without really looking at who the caller was. "Hello?" She said her voice clouded with sleep.

"Hey, Soph, it's Ryan." He sounded nervous and Sophie frowned.

"Is everything okay?"

"Okay promise you won't freak out." He said and that instantly caused the brunette to sit upright in bed a slow dread building up in her stomach taking the place of the happiness that her only previously owned her.

"Tell me." She spoke slowly and tried to put as much edge into the words as possible.

"I can't find lizzie." He suddenly said.

"What the hell? What do you mean you can't find her?" She shouted down the phone and her raised voice caused the blonde next to her to sit up also, a confused expression on her face.

"She was on the phone in her room about half an hour ago, and then I just went to check she was asleep and she wasn't there." He explained. "I've tried ringing Dana but I can't get through and she isn't answering her phone. I'm driving through the streets."

"What's going on?" Sian mouthed to her wife and Sophie knew she couldn't answer the blonde's question until she was off the phone to Ryan otherwise she would scream down the phone at him.

"Well you keep doing that, we'll get dressed and try some of her friends or something. You ring us if you find her." It was a threat.

"Course, you too." He hung up the phone straight away and Sophie turned to looked at the concerned woman beside her.

"Find who? What's going on?" Sophie looked at her with as much composure as she could manage herself, her heart was pounding hard within her chest and she thought if she didn't remind herself to keep breathing she might forget.

"Lizzie's gone." She suddenly realised how her parents must have felt when she and Sian had run away, and a deep regret drifted through her.

"What do you mean gone?" There was an immediate panic to Sian's voice.

"I reckon she's probably gone to meet Dana." It was true, but the fear was that it was after 2 in morning and they had no real idea where the teens might be.

"He just let her go? I'm going to kill him!" Sian grabbed her own phone and pressed buttons quickly before placing the device to her ear. "She's not answering!" She tapped on her phone again and waited with the mobile against her ear. Sophie took this time to get a pair of jeans on and threw a hoodie over her head. "Dana isn't answering either."

"Hold on, I'm going to try Blake." Lizzie and her cousin were very close and she thought if their daughter was going to call anyone it was going to be him, it might be a long shot but she was running out of thoughts. She listened to the ring tone and when she heard the teen's voice she sighed with relief. "Blake?"

"Yeah, you alright Aunt Soph, what do I owe to the pleasure of this super late call?" He said with a chuckle and she could hear the music playing softly in the background.

"Where are you?" She asked seriously and she heard the deep swallow through the line.

"At home in bed."

"Are you lying to me?"

"No." His voice faulted.

"Are you in your car?" She asked again.

"No."

"Do you know where she is Blake?" Looking at the anxious blonde next to her she knew she didn't have time to go around in circles with her nephew.

"She told me not to call you." The boy sighed as he confessed and Sophie felt the weight left from her chest. She smiled faintly to her wife who seemed to cling to the gesture and the brunette nodded to her as if to say it was going to be alright.

"Where is she?"

"I'm about to get her from the bus station in town."

"Right well go home, we'll go get her." Sophie said as she picked up a pair of jogging bottoms from the floor and threw them to Sian who quickly pulled them on.

"Fine but they're really upset so don't go mental at her alright." He said softly through the phone, he was a good kid and she was happy that Lizzie had someone like him to depend on.

"They? What's going on?" She asked with her brows knotted tightly.

"Liz and Dana. Look, you should talk to them. It's not my thing to tell. Can you just let me know when you've got them?"

"Sure. Thanks Blake."

"No probs." He said as they exchanged goodbyes and hung up.

"What's going on?" Sian asked now fully dressed standing in front of the brunette with her hands on her hips. There was still panic etched on her face but it wasn't carved as deep anymore.

"Lizzie and Dana are at the bus station. I'll go get the car keys and you need to phone Ryan and let him know." Sophie was out the door of the bedroom when she realised that the blonde wasn't behind her and she turned to call Sian to follow. But the blonde had her face buried in her hands and she could see her wife was trying to fight back tears. "She's okay, she's going to be alright." Sophie all but whispered as she gently removed Sian's hands from her face. "Our baby is fine." Sian nodded as though trying to let this information sink in.

"I know, I know. Let's go." She smiled slowly at Sophie who pulled her into a hug, both for herself and for Sian.

The two teens walked into the house first and were followed by Lizzie's parents who after hugging the girls had said very little. They both went and sat on the couch as they had been instructed to do and kept their eyes trained onto the floor. Sian and Sophie stood in front of them, both waiting for one of them to start explaining.

"Dana we're going to call your parents." Sian said and both girls instantly looked up and she heard two pops from their necks snapping so quickly.

"No!" Lizzie shouted.

"You can't!" Dana called, reinforcing their point. Sophie watched them suspiciously, her eyes shifting between the pair.

"Okay you really need to start talking."

"It's complicated mum." Lizzie replied but her eyes were once against aimed to the floor. Sophie didn't like the feeling that was shifting through her, Elizabeth had always been able to confide in them. Both herself and Sian had decided that they wanted to be different from their own parents, they had an open policy with their children.

"Soph, please don't tell my parents that I'm here." Dana begged and Sian could see the tears welling in the girls hazel orbs.

"We want to help you, but you have to tell us what's going on." Sian moved and sat down on the single sofa pulling Sophie down to sit on the arm of the couch. She thought that in their previous position they might have come across far too daunting. "You can't just run away from your dads and not expect to explain yourselves." As relived as they both were to have their daughter back home and safe there was still an anger bubbling beneath the surface.

"Maybe we should." Lizzie whispered to her friend and the dirty haired blonde considered this before nodding slowly. Sophie and Sian used all their restrain to stop themselves from butting in and scaring away any information from the girls. "Dana and I…" Their eldest child began but the words seemed to be getting caught in her throat. Then it all pieced together for Sophie and her mouth fell into a soft 'O'.

"Are you two a couple?" Sophie spoke quietly, hoping that she hadn't got her assumption wrong, but the way the two teens looked at each other told her she wasn't wrong.

"I told my parents and they…erm didn't take it very well." Dana said and her voice hitched with emotion. Sophie's heart was breaking very slightly at the situation they were surrounded by. It was like history repeating itself and the notion of it almost made her laugh through her pain. "They hate me, they think this is wrong, that I'm wrong. But I love her and that can't be wrong." She started to sob now and Sian watched at her daughter wrapped her arms around Dana, trying to sooth her. In that moment she knew that she had raised her daughter right.

"We aren't wrong. You are prefect." The parents heard Lizzie whisper into the blonde's ear and they looked at each other with small smiles.

"Why didn't you come to us first, you could have told us." Sian asked still slightly stung by this turn of events.

"Come on, did you go confiding in your parents when you first started dating each other?" Lizzie shot back with an arched eyebrow her arm still wrapped around her girlfriend. The two adults considered this and shook their heads remembering the ordeal that they had gone through.

"That was different, you've meet your grandparents they're insane." Sian said through pursed lips, the kids only saw her parents at Christmas and even then her father still couldn't really look her in the eye.

"I didn't want you to be disappointed or feel like it was your fault." The young girl's cheeks flushed and for the first time she looked like a scared little child and all Sophie wanted to do was scoop her up and protect her from everything in the world.

"Baby girl it's not possible for us to ever be disappointed in you. We love you, both of you." Their blonde haired mother added quickly. Sian had always been content with Lizzie's friendship with Dana who was a bright girl and who was always there for her friend. "Whoever you are and whoever you want to be we'll love you, that's a promise."

"The both of you are two young girls to be proud of." Sophie echoed her wife's sentiment and the teens seemed to smile.

"I said we should have told your parents first." Dana said to Lizzie as the eldest Powers child reached out and laced her fingers with Dana's.

"So you're not mad?" Elizabeth asked in a small voice.

"Well I'm mad you ran off but I'm not mad about this." Sophie told them gently.

"We'd be a bit hypocritical wouldn't we?" The older woman chuckled. "How about you two go upstairs and get some sleep and tomorrow we'll think about what we're going to do." Both girls nodded and sighed with relief.

Lizzie stood up and hugged each of her parents individually. "I'm sorry I bolted and I'm sorry I didn't tell you what was going on. I've just been really confused myself and I was scared."

Sian held her daughters face between her hands and they smiled at each other, Sophie watched the scene with warmth running through her. "It's okay baby girl. It's all scary and new, but me and your mum are here for you, always."

"Thanks mama." She mumbled as Sian pulled her in for another fierce hug. Both teens then muttered their goodbyes and walked up the stairs muttering between them.

The two adults fell onto the couch with exhaustion. "We should have seen that coming." Sophie started. "All the signs were there. I can't believe she didn't tell us." The hurt was evident in her voice and Sian leaned over and kissed the side of her wives head.

"Do you remember how scary it was telling our parents?"

"That was different, we're gay parents!" She moaned with frustration, she thought she was one of those cool parents you saw on T.V who every child secretly wanted as their parent. "Two of my children have girlfriends and I find out all in one day."

"You are so dramatic Mrs Powers." The blonde laughed and Sophie frowned at her before smiling. "It's going to be okay, we'll have to call Dana's parents tomorrow, talk this all through with them. We should probably get some sleep as well."

"You better check on them." Sophie added as she yawned; stretching her hands over head.

"Why? Actually I don't want them watching DVD's till stupid hours." Sian groaned as she stood up, suddenly feeling extremely tired.

"I'm not worried about DVD's keeping her up until stupid hours." She looked up at Sian who's mouth fell open in surprise. "Don't look so shocked."

"They're 14."

"What were we doing at 14?"

"We weren't having sex." Sian replied quickly.

"Fine what was my sister doing at 14 because I'll tell you something she wasn't playing with her Bratts in her room." Sophie joked, but she could tell that the blonde was not amused as she quickly bolted for the stairs.

"Open door policy! Open door!" Sian shouted as she ran up the stairs taking two at a time. Sophie chuckled to herself. Her life was as close to perfect as she was ever going to get, maybe to one person her world might have seemed like a nightmare. But she had a wife she loved, a talented if sometimes moody teenage and funny little twins. She often thought that her life was like some American sitcom but this was so much better because this was real. And she couldn't wait to see what the next 15 years would bring her. With one final yawn she pushed herself off the couch and followed her wife up the stairs to their bed. Perfection.


End file.
